The Homework Battle

I was so excited the day Mallory and Vannah brought home their first homework assignment.  I myself am an avid learner and was eager to help the girls get on that path.  Much to my dismay, they were not as enthusiastic; instead, a full-blown, knock-down, drag-out battle ensued during homework time. 

You know what I’m talking about, that dog tired, I’ve had enough for one day, need a nap and a full belly, type meltdown. After about a week I figured out that this wasn’t working out the way I had envisioned.

Obviously this would just not do; the assignments had to be done and I didn’t want to deal with this war on a daily basis.  I had to do some thinking.  The first thing I did was start putting them to bed earlier. More sleep has done wonders for the girls; they’re not as tired when they get home and every parent knows that you can’t fight a winning battle with a tired kid.

The second thing I did was what we call “chill time.”  When they get home, I immediately give the girls a snack.  After they’re finished, I set a timer for 45 minutes.  During this period, they’re allowed to do whatever they want to wind down.  Playing Wii, logging onto Webkinz, coloring, or going outside to play with friends are all things they frequently decide to do.  Then, when the timer goes off, it’s time to sit down and get our homework done.  I tried the same thing without the timer and it wasn’t as effective.  I suppose that it could have been that the timer is objective, they know it measures time and doesn’t fudge 5 minutes here or there.  In addition, I feel as though they’re more focused when they start on their assignment and it takes much less time (in part because there is no screaming, fighting, or crying).

The other thing that has really helped is me being fully available to help them; not cooking dinner, cleaning, or doing something else, but giving them my full attention.  Kids get easily frustrated when they aren’t able to do something and they don’t always ask for help.  We sit down at the kitchen table and I explain what they need to do and help them when they run into problems.  I was doing way to many “just a minutes” and it was becoming both annoying and frustrating for them.

The final thing that I’ve been doing is providing an abundance of positive feedback.  It’s so easy to get into the rut of criticism.  No Mallory, that “R” isn’t right, do it again.  I have started making a very focused effort to provide constructive criticism in conjunction with positive feedback.  Mallory, that R is capitalized so you have to use all three lines, could you please redo that one?  When she comes back and if there’s even the slightest bit of improvement, I praise their efforts which makes both the girls more willing to go the extra mile and put forth their best attempts.

I think the most important factor in winning the homework battle is understanding your kids; knowing what makes them tick.  Each child is different and we as parents have to understand them and make it all work to their benefit.  Making yourself available, providing constructive criticism, and positive feedback are sure winners. 

Try some different techniques and think outside of the box and you’ll be astounded at the results. I would love to hear your experiences so please share them.