Hi everyone! I’m Adrienne Osborn and I’ll be here each week writing about my experiences in parenthood.
A little about me…
I graduated high school in 2000 and went on to join the Marine Corps. During my five years in the military, I met my wonderful husband and we had a set of beautiful, now 6-year-old twins who are the center of our lives. After fulfilling my contract in 2006,I pursued a college education and earned two degrees.
Now I’m taking a bit of a break before I pursue graduate education and am loving the time I get to spend with the kids. Things are always hectic and there’s always a challenge, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Recently my two beautiful girls, Mallory and Vannah have started their first year of school. It has been bittersweet; I have much more “me time” but by the same token it has been difficult realizing that my babies are growing up quicker than I care to admit. Moreover, it has led to a whole new set of challenges and decisions.
The first hurdle we faced was whether or not to separate the girls. There was some pressure from my husband and I to do so. A recent study by the National Organization of Mothers of Twins Club found that roughly 43% of educators support separation. Some districts have mandatory separation policies while others allow evaluation on a case by case basis.
I have researched both sides of the argument and both trains of thought have valid points. I can understand why separation is encouraged; putting twins into different classrooms allows each child to develop individually on a social, intellectual, and emotional level. Frequently, Vannah acts as the voice of the duo while Mallory seems to be a bit more akward because she leans on her sister in the social arena. On the same token, Vannah leans on Mallory intellectually, asking her for answers to questions that she doesn’t feel like figuring out on her own.
In addition, I notice a seemingly constant comparison between the two girls’ personalities; Vannah’s a firecracker while Mallory’s a thinker, etc.
I believe that separation can lessen this seemingly endless comparison. I think all too often, twins are pressured in to being exactly alike. I have never dressed them in the same outfits, made them do the same activities, and I constantly encourage them to develop their own tastes and interests, which in itself sometimes seems impossible. This has been a priority in our home since day one.
However, this choice cannot be made in a vacuum. My husband is set to deploy very soon, there’s one serious stressor. Throw that on top of adjusting to a new and demanding schedule, being away from mom, and the prospect of being away from each other. I personally felt it would be too much for them to handle in such a short time; especially after finding the following study:
“In a University of Wisconsin and the Institute of Psychiatry at King’s
College in London research study, 878 pairs of twins from ages 5 to 7
found that twins separated early were observed to be more anxious and
emotionally distressed than those who remained in the same class. This
was especially true for identical twins (NY Times, 2006).”
After conducting my own research, consulting with my pediatrician, and talking with school officials, we decided that for this one year, they should stay together. They have to deal with enough anxiety already. There is no black and white, no right or wrong with this decision; just what is right for your children, family, and personal circumstances. It is important to consider the situation, the personalities of the children, and other life challenges which may affect the family. It is not a decision to be taken lightly and most importantly, it is a very personal choice that should not be forced or hasty.
Share your thoughts and comments on the issue below.
