When a Parent Deploys

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My spouse is getting ready to deploy again in the very near future.  We’ve gotten all the little wickets taken care of; the will, the living will, the power of attorney.  We have an emergency plan in place; he and our family are ready.  This deployment’s a little different though; the kids actually understand, they ask questions, they miss him.  For the first few, they were too young to even know that he was gone, but this time things are different.   

 We broke the news to the girls, simply telling them that daddy had to go away for work for a really long time.  They didn’t really seem to care; they’re too young to comprehend 6 or 7 months, let alone the fact that he’d be gone for the holidays (I think I am more upset about that than they will be).  It doesn’t really kick in until dad’s gone for awhile.  The missing dad thing usually happens with the girls when someone’s tired, sick, or in a bad mood (or when mom’s making them do something they don’t want to do).  I did get them each a daddy doll, which both girls adore.  I also found some tips on the Internet. 

First and foremost, I think that we have to let them know that it’s okay to miss mom or dad and not shame them or tell them to blow it off.   We can’t make them the “man” or the “woman” of the house either; it puts way too much pressure and stress on them at a time that is wrought with anxiety in the first place.   In addition, an age appropriate explanation is fitting along with the assurance that both parents love them.  You can offer additional assurance by setting a routine; this way kids know what to expect and feel more in control during a time when they sometimes feel helpless.   Two sites that I found which addressed the challenges of explaining the whole deployment ordeal to a child were:

 http://kidshealth.org/parent/positive/talk/mom_deployed.html

 http://kidshealth.org/parent/positive/talk/war.html

 Finally, it’s important to know that there are a ton of resources out there for military families.  Marine Corps Family Team Building offers a six-week program on how to deal with deployments.  The organization also offers a Kids and Deployment workshop, War Zone Stress workshop, and Deployment, Return, and Reunion workshops.  Your family readiness officer can help get you to the resources that you or your children might need.   You can find a complete list of class offerings at:

 http://www.med.navy.mil/sites/nhcl/classes/Pages/DRRP.aspx

How are you coping with your spouse’s deployment?