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We wrap up this month’s discussion on blended families with some tips to help you maximize the quality of the time you spend with your family.

Don’t feel guilty about the amount of “quality time” you spend with your family. Some experts are beginning to shun the quality time movement for something much more basic.

“It doesn’t take grand gestures to build quality relationships with your kids,” says Laura Sessions Stepp, an award-winning journalist and author of the acclaimed book Our Last Best Shot: Guiding Our Children Through Early Adolescence.

Ms. Stepp believes carving out family time doesn’t require major adjustments to your life.

“We think we have to cart the family off to Barbados or buy season tickets to the symphony to have a good time,” she says. “But quality time should be woven into our lives. Particularly as our children get older and slip away from us, we need to stop worrying about the extraordinary and think more about the ordinary.”

Here are some suggestions:

• Children want your undivided attention. When they talk, look at them, engage them in further conversation; show your interest.
• Listen to their music. Who knows, you might begin liking it.
• Ask them what they want to do. Is baseball their love? Play catch in your backyard, or pitch a few at a local baseball diamond.
• Establish new family traditions. Set a specific time each week for them, such as Friday pizza nights or Sunday brunches.
• Develop your family as a team. Give everyone chores. Do them together.
• Make one-on-one time with each child. Kids talk more freely when they’re with just one parent.
• Watch television shows they choose. Then talk about them. Even if it’s FOX’s “Family Guy,” seen in the clip above.

What do you do to maximize the quality of your family time with your kids? Share in the box below.

Well, I’ve finally gotten a good idea of what the girls (both age 6) are wanting for Christmas this year.  I took them to the local toy store and let them make up a wish list.    I know I was at a bit of a loss, so maybe you can get some ideas from their list.  Here’s what they’ve come up with:

A Doll House

There are so many choices in this category ranging from the Barbie 3-Story Dream House to more affordable off-name brands. 

Barbie Remote Control Corvette

 Forget the Barbie Corvettes of our day that you had to push. Our kids get a remote with the Corvette! 

Webkinz/Littlest Pet Shop Online

My girls absolutely adore the toys that have an Internet activation code.  Shining stars, Webkinz, and Littlest Pet Shop are just a few of the brands.  Make sure that the website is user friendly enough for your child.  Check around to get the best price!  The Ganz website has a locator so I just call around

Littlest Pet Shop/Polly Pocket play sets

While the kids love this; I hate it.  The little pets/dolls and their accessories are always lost in about 2 days flat.  You can get huge play sets and they seem to have a blast with them.  Good luck keeping the dog from eating the little parts. 

Cooking Sets

There is such a huge selection.  There’s a Chuck E. Cheese Pizza Maker, Easy Bake Oven, a Mrs. Fields cookie maker, a candy jewelery factory, etc.  The list goes on and on.  The thing I like most about this category is that there is a huge selection and a wide array of prices for any budget. 

Video Games

We have just about every gaming system known to mankind.  I personally tend to like Wii games because they get the kids up and moving.  The new Outdoor Challenge type game (you get to jump logs, run, snowboard, all kids of fun stuff with a mat) is on their list.  Check around for the best prices because games can be so expensive.  I frequently buy them used games. 

What gifts are on your tween’s list this year?  I’d love to hear your ideas because I want to give them something a little different this year and am at a bit of a brick wall (I’ve bought Barbie out of house and home, there has to be something else).  So share with us!

All month we’ve been talking about blended families.  While it takes time for both children and adults to adjust to new circumstances, sometimes challenges can arise that go above and beyond day-to-day behavior. If your tween is continually depressed or teary, they may have an adjustment disorder.

An adjustment disorder is defined as an emotional or behavioral reaction to an identifiable stressful event or change in a person’s life that is considered maladaptive or somehow not an expected healthy response to the event or change. The reaction must occur within three months of the identified stressful event or change happening. The identifiable stressful event or change in the life of a child or adolescent may be a family move, parental divorce or separation, the loss of a pet, birth of a brother or sister, to name a few.

What causes adjustment disorders?

Adjustment disorders are a reaction to stress. There is not a single direct cause between the stressful event and the reaction. Children and adolescents vary in their temperament, past experiences, vulnerability, and coping skills. Their developmental stage and the capacity of their support system to meet their specific needs related to the stress are factors that may contribute to their reaction to a particular stress. Stressors also vary in duration, intensity, and effect. No evidence is available to suggest a specific biological factor that causes adjustment disorders.

Who is affected by adjustment disorders?

Adjustment disorders are quite common in children and adolescents. They occur equally in males and females. While adjustment disorders occur in all cultures, the stressors and the signs may vary based on cultural influences. Adjustment disorders occur at all ages, however, it is believed that characteristics of the disorder are different in children and adolescents than they are in adults. Differences are noted in the symptoms experienced, severity and duration of symptoms, and in the outcome. Adolescent symptoms of adjustment disorders are more behavioral such as acting out, while adults experience more depressive symptoms.

What are the symptoms of an adjustment disorder?

In all adjustment disorders, the reaction to the stressor seems to be in excess of a normal reaction, or the reaction significantly interferes with social or occupational (educational) functioning. There are six subtypes of adjustment disorder that are based on the type of the major symptoms experienced. The following are the most common symptoms of each of the subtypes of adjustment disorder. However, each child may experience symptoms differently.

Read OHealthy’s article on “Adjustment Disorders” to learn about symptoms and more.

The North Carolina Aquarium at Pine Knolls Shores offers a variety of family friendly treats.

If you like animals, you could check out Lynwood Park Zoo. Located between Jacksonville and Richlands off of Highway 24/258, the Lynwood Park Zoo has all sorts of animals to see and pet. They’ve got everything from American Alligators to Zebras and quite a bit between. With admission less than $10 a person, it’s pretty cheap, too.

The North Carolina Aquarium at Pine Knoll Shoresis a great place to visit with fish and other watery critters. It’s a bit of a drive from Jacksonville, but definitely worth the trip. The aquarium was recently renovated and has it’s very own indoor waterfall, not to mention a shark tank, a Manta ray touch tank and (Mini’s and my personal favorite) a couple of river otters. Admission is pretty inexpensive, as well.

And, if you’re near the NC Aquarium, you might as well drive a bit further and visit the Fort Macon State Park. The park is home to an American Civil War base and recently built a new education center. The Fort has plenty of dark dank tunnels to walk through and provides a great view back in time to mid-19th Century military life. Frequently, the Fort hosts demonstrations on musket and canon firing. Admission is free.

The Onslow County Museumin Richlands is the place to see into Onslow’s past. Stretching from the early beginning of Onslow County to today, the museum provides a small peek into our community’s importance to North Carolina. There’s a “fossil dig” behind the museum which is a bit of outdoor fun, as well. At less than $5, admission is cheap.

As you can see, there’s a lot to do in our area. And this isn’t even getting into the really good stuff. Stay tuned for upcoming posts on events, festivals, parties and camps.

Ask questions, make suggestions  or share your ideas in the comments.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! We’re all settled and getting ready to celebrate one holiday while I have another holiday on the brain.

My spouse isn’t going to be home for Christmas.  So what to do?  Push it forward so that you can celebrate with your loved one or stick to the traditional December 25th schedule?   I know there are a lot of us in this boat; every military wife/husband will consider this at one point or another.  So what am I going to do?

I’m leaning toward the notion of pushing it forward.  I don’t think that Christmas is about a specific day on the calendar.  My personal religious beliefs are that we should have that spirit of giving, joy, and caring throughout the year, not on one out of 365 days.  I think it’s important to be with your loved ones during the holidays, especially for the military, because you never know if this will be the last for awhile. 

Since this is the case, I have one major thing left to do: Explain to the girls why Santa will be coming early.  I think I’ll go to the next door neighbors’ house (my neighbors all rock, I’m lucky to be surrounded by such wonderful people)  and have them write the twins a letter. Mallory recognizes both Jon and my handwriting so it’s essential to have outside help.

 In the letter I’ll have them say that Santa understands that dad has to leave for work so Santa has authorized a one time  early delivery (I don’t want them pulling this card every single year.)  I also need to notify their teacher so that she can play into it, because we know how kids are.  All it takes is one skeptical child to make them doubt the whole scenario.  She (and all the girls’ TA’s) rock and I know they will do everything possible to make it fall together. 

Now that I’m done being peeved (OK, I’ll be honest I’m still flaming mad), I’ve got it all planned out and I’m just happy we’ll all be able to celebrate together. 

Are any of you in the same boat?  What decision did you make and why?  I’d love to hear your thoughts and comments!