Money by Flickr user aresauburn

Mini was recently giving me a run-down of her day and mentioned that her mother needed to visit an ATM because “she still owes me my allowance.”

I didn’t like that particular sentiment. I’ve worked very hard to keep Mini from developing a sense of entitlement, especially in regards to money, and especially if it’s money from her parents/family/friends or anyone that she’s not employed by.

Mini and her mother have some sort of arrangement that is supposed to help her learn to manage money. The deal is that Mini does chores around the house and is provided an allowance for it. Then, out of this allowance, Mini has to pay back to her mother an amount for “rent”, “utilities”, etc. It all sounds like the episode of The Cosby Show wherein the Cosby parents try to teach Theo about money by making him pay for rent, food, furniture, etc. with Monopoly money.  And it’s not something I’m necessarily against, though I remember Mini being quite upset about the whole deal at the beginning because she thought her mother would evict her if she didn’t pay.

I try to teach Mini money management in (what I feel is) a less direct way. AM and I will let Mini choose a meal or recipe to prepare for breakfast, lunch or dinner and we’ll help her figure out what ingredients we have and which ones we need to buy. Mini will have a budget to purchase the ingredients and helps to pick and buy them. The budget comes from AM or myself, not some arbitrary “wage” paid.

I think Mini has learned that she’s not “owed” any money, not even as allowance. It was a frustrating telephone conversation, especially since I was at work at the time, but I kept my cool and explained to her that when it comes to money, as a 9-year old, nobody “owes” her any. I also explained that, even as I’m 31 years old, no one “owes” me money, either.

How do you handle money concerns with your tweenager? Share ideas, make suggestions or ask questions in the comments.

Since the girls are on their extended Christmas break, I have been thinking of ways to keep them from “vegging” out during their break.  I don’t want the first week back in school to be an absolutely nightmarish battle so here’s what I’ve come up with so far.

Trip number one will be the aquarium.  It should be great; not only is it off-season, but a lot of people will be going out of town so I’m hoping it won’t be very crowded.  I’m going to try and schedule a “behind-the-scenes” tour.  That way the girls can see how much work goes into taking care of all the critters at the aquarium. 

I also plan on taking a trek to the USS North Carolina in Wilmington.  They have some activities aboard the ship specifically for children.  I think it would be fun to get out of town for a day.  I believe the girls would get a kick out of being on such a huge “boat.”  Speaking of getting out of the house, Tryon Palace offers a Winter Wednesday workshop for kids and their parents.  During this time, their website says that kids can get “hands on with history.”  The main thrust of Winter Wednesday is domestic skills and getting a grasp on the daily life in the 18th century.  I’d also like to take them to see the gardens (well, more me than them!)

What do you do with your kids over long breaks to keep their minds moving and prevent boredom from setting in?  Share your ideas!

Playing board games are one way to create memorable family moments.

Happy holidays everyone!

As the wrapping paper goes sailing by, the presents get unwrapped and the activities of family life begins to settle in to its own rhythm.  It’s the beginning of a week of undiluted family time and a good time to keep these key things in mind.

The time you spend with your children each day doesn’t have to be scripted or scheduled. In fact, if you set aside only specific times as “family time,” it may put pressure on both you and your kids.

Instead, family time can take place spontaneously in many different ways during ordinary interactions between parents and children, whether it’s rocking a baby to sleep or driving a teenager to the mall.

You can take steps to make the most of these moments. One place to start is at the dinner table. Even if it’s for only 10 or 15 minutes, it’s the sacrosanct time that everyone agrees is important.

“Turn off the TV and radio and don’t read the newspaper. Ask questions that create the foundation for relationships – not only “Did you have a good day at school?” but also “What was good about school today?” It’s also a good time for children to learn that they should ask, “And how was your day?”

Here are some other ways you can become involved with your children:

• Listen up. Listen not just for what happened, but for what they are telling you about their day through their actions and tone.
• Read together. This teaches kids that books are not only a source of education but also of pleasure.
• Play board games together. You’ll interact with your children while having fun.
• Limit and monitor TV viewing, computer and video game time. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends no more than one to two hours of quality television or videos for children older than 2. Children younger than 2 should not watch TV or videos, the AAP says.
• Focus on their unique interests. For some kids, it might be going to a ball game; for others shopping at the mall or baking cookies.
• Relax more. With so many things to be done, there’s something magical about spending two hours – or all day – on a Monopoly game. It says: “We value hard work, we also value relaxation time and we value being together.”

For related articles, visit OHealthy.

What fun family activities are you planning this holiday season? Share in the comments below.

Well, my husband finally deployed.  Since August it’s been up and down; we’re going here, we’re going there, we’re not going anywhere (that sounds a little Dr. Seussish, lol).  Finally though, he left.  This time hasn’t been easy.

After two days, the girls started asking when dad was going to come home.  On his behalf though, he tried to explain to them, in elementary school terms, that he wouldn’t be home until summer.  So this is a first for me; last time he deployed, they had no clue, Gosh, how I miss those days!

The first thing we found helpful was to be honest with them (to an age-appropriate extent).  We didn’t say anything about dad going to war, but just told them that he had to go to work for a really long time.  I don’t think my kids are naive and I think we both owe it to them to be up front.  This also made departure day a lot easier because we had been talking about it for quite awhile. 

I also try and validate their feelings.  Mal had mentioned that she missed dad and I made sure to tell her it was okay and that I missed him too.  We cuddled a little bit and she was okay.  The great thing about being married to a grunt is that they’re in and out for months before a deployment so it kind of gives the entire family a chance to get their feet wet.  Honestly, it’s helped us all adjust. 

The biggest challenge for me is dispelling fears.  One of the girls told me that when Marines get shot, they die.  I think I’m going to have to get some guidance with this one.  I, of course, told her that dad would be fine, but honestly how does one deal with this?  I think I’m going to have to utilize some of the base resources to get info on how to deal with this issue.  I’ve been there and done that but I’m not hestitant to ask for help when I need it. 

How do you handle deployments when it comes to your kids?  How do you quell their fears and reassure them?  Please share!

When we talk about discipline, it’s not always dealing with a situation with an iron fist that matters. A new study by researchers at the University of Alabama at Birmingham says positive parenting can help ease aggression in adolescent girls who go through puberty early.

On the other hand, precocious teen girls whose parents don’t nurture them, communicate with them, or keep track of their activities are more likely to be display aggressive behavior, they also found.

The study included 330 fifth-grade girls (average age 11) and their parents. The girls were asked how often they engaged in aggressive behavior (hitting, teasing, spreading rumors) and in delinquency (fighting at school, getting injured in a fight, or inflicting injuries).

The girls were also asked about how often their mother was affectionate, how often they did things together, whether their parents had talked to them about violence, tobacco and sex, and whether they’d started their periods.

The parents were asked about several items, including how much they knew about their children’s friends and how their child spent their free time.

One-quarter of the girls in the study had matured early — defined as beginning their period one year before the average age for females of their racial and ethnic group. The study found that these girls were more likely to be delinquent, but not aggressive.

However, early-maturing girls who had low levels of parent nurturing, communication and knowledge were more likely to be aggressive.

Visit OHealthy’s article on “Nurturing Parents” for the full article.