I am torn about the whole sleepover issue.  Girls especially love to have their friends over for sleepovers.  I know for sure I don’t want them when my children are teens.  I know I’m old, but not that naive to what can go on.   My daughter is 9 1/2 years old and has often been invited over for sleepovers and she never has really wanted to go.  However, she wants to host them.  The struggle comes from trying to decide how to make it work and we have decided…No sleepovers.  Why?

We have discovered several key reasons why I’m not cut out for being a sleepover mom.  First, many kids are used to being entertained and often get bored.  When I suggest things that use imagination I end up “playing” and entertaining the party.  Many girls like my daughter have some separation anxiety and don’t realize it until later than I really want to call another parent or trek out into the night to return a child.  

When you host a sleepover there tends to be an unwritten rule to return the favor and that can lead to confusion or hurt feelings if you are unwilling to have your child sleep elsewhere.   It sets a precedence that will be hard to break later when things could become co-ed.  Lastly, kids tend to take advantage of being on someone else’s turf and don’t always go to bed when they should and silly me can’t sleep until I know every one’s child is safe and sound asleep.

I’m curious to know how other parents deal with the sleepover issue.  I do have suggestions to help keep the party going without movies and video games if you do decide to host sleepovers.  There are many games that our kids can do with their friends that can be entertaining and enlightening for those chaperoning parents. 

Our favorites include Would You Rather and Apples to Apples.  Karaoke can also be a fun, but can become loud.  Having the kids bake something together is always fun!  When we have had kids over when babysitting, we often would have the kids make and put on puppet shows.  There are many activities that you can do to keep the kids away from the TV and having good old-fashioned fun.

How do you handle sleepovers? Are you for or against them and why?

My husband is a total college football junkie!  And so it is, our son has also become a college football junkie, too!!  I used to fight it tooth and nail.  I always have far too much to do then to sit for FOUR HOURS and watch a football game.  It used to drive me crazy, there was no way I was going to sit and watch football with my boys!!  After many, many years,  I figured out that my football junkies were never going to change!!  So, I pulled up my bootstraps and decided if I had to sit and watch these games, then I was going to make it fun for ME and my daughters, too!!

The result: I now LOVE football along with my tween and husband.  We make it a family affair (don’t get me wrong I only watch ONE team…..that is where I draw the line.)  I make the games super special by making lots of fun football treats, inviting friends over and having the kids help me with each detail!!

It is amazing to me that by changing my attitude, I have developed a fun family tradition that will continue many generations.  I love college football (The Florida Gators….chomp chomp) and love that it is a family activity now.

Moral of the story: Even though our interests might be different then our tween’s, we can make the choice to make ourselves a little uncomfortable and embrace the things they love!!  Whatever it may be, whether its bike riding, chess, wrestling, weight lifting, reading or even history.  Be a part of your tweens life by supporting and embracing their interetsts.   GO GATORS!!

What activity does your tween love that you might consider embracing?

Well, I’ll be honest, the girls have really been impressing me lately. 

A couple months ago, I wrote about getting them to pitch in and help with the chores and they’ve been doing an exceptional job!!!  They don’t even argue with me anymore; around 7 PM, they know that it’s time to start cleaning up and helping get things done!  They still fight over who gets to feed the cat and dogs, as that’s one of their favorite tasks.  They’ve also been a lot better about cleaning up after themselves.  It’s to the point now, where I don’t really even have to ask them to do anything, they just know it’s part of the daily routine.  There’s very little complaining about chores.  They understand now that if thing at home get done quickly and correctly, we all have more time to do the “fun” stuff.  They even volunteered to help me paint (which as many parents would agree was a “thanks-but no thanks type deal). 

So now, I’m thinking about giving them an allowance.  They’ve proved to me that they’re responsible and consistent enough to deserve one, and I believe they should be rewarded for that.  I think I’ll pay it out on a weekly basis and then every two weeks I’ll give them the choice of putting the money in the bank or buying something with it.  I do want to encourage them to save, but on the same token, it’s a huge boost to buy something nice for yourself when you’ve worked hard.  I think it creates the cause and effect to set in; if I work hard, then I can do/buy nice things. 

Do you pay your kids an allowance?  Do you think it is an adequate reward?  Do you have them save it or are they allowed to spend it?   How much do you pay?

There are many things I hope to teach my children, including: How to behave in public, how to treat others with kindness, how to tie their shoes (still working on that one! )

The list goes on and on. One item on that list is to show them the importance of giving back. I want them to give back to their community and their family. I also want them to give back to one of the most important places to them in their lives right now: their school.

Each year St Anne’s holds a school cleanup day. It is a time to re-mulch the playground, make minor repairs, clean, etc. It is not back breaking work, but there are things that need to get done and the director relies on families and staff to pitch in and work together to complete all of the tasks. For the past two years, I have taken the boys at 8AM on a Saturday in March to do just that.

They complain a little about getting up on the weekend, but they seem to understand that it is their school and they have a responsibility to lend a hand. They are still young so they can only help with minor things like dusting or shoveling mulch (well, sort of shoveling). That said, they work hard and I can tell they like it when the director thanks them.

Not too many kids actually show up for this work day. It is a little disappointing to me that more parents do not see this as a teachable moment. School is a big part of any child’s life; they spend so many hours there each day. Asking them to take an hour or two, once per year to show that they care is not asking too much.

What about your school? Do they have days like this? Do you wish they did? Would you attend with your children?

What I have discovered is that to boost any child’s imagination, we as parents need to provide opportunities and the supplies.  There are many ways to do this. 

As a family, we decided to only have one television, which we placed upstairs in our family room.  Just those few stairs have discouraged our children from watching a movie.   We have found that by limiting the amount of TV and video time and making those privileges have forced us to think outside the box.  Since  our children want to be busy and often claim to be bored,   we have created “stations” or areas that have designated activities. 

Some  of the stations, we have placed in common areas, others in a specific child’s room.  We did this to foster relationships and encourage respect for space and each other’s things.   For example, puzzles are in my son’s room and if someone wants to do puzzles they must ask first.  Crafts our in our oldest child’s room. She needs to be asked and also needs to participate with him as she shares a room with a baby and needs to be responsible for making sure the little pieces are picked up.

Here are some suggestions for creating “stations” or areas to foster imaginative play and creativity:

*  Provide an area with journals, paper, pens, crayons for younger children to write stories, letters, etc.

* Have a bucket of dress-ups in all sizes (shopping after Halloween for 90% off costumes was our way of providing a variety of sizes and costumes and props.) Encourage children, friends, etc. to create short plays to perform later.

* Put all puzzles together, if you have a craft table perhaps have one set up and going.  Have different levels of puzzles for different ages and levels of interest to keep kids busy.

* Offer craft buckets.  Make lists of holidays for children to make cards, have white or brown craft paper rolls for children to create their own personalized wrapping paper for future gifts, scrapbooking materials, etc.  (You can often find discount crafts after holidays. By picking up some to have on hand, it will save you from running out.)

* Book corners with bookshelves and comfy seats to encourage reading.  Make sure you ask your child about what they are reading as it is good for their retention of the story, but also for maintaining an interest with your child.

*A place where all games are local and easily accessed.  We like to have games that can be played by one or many.   Some family favorites include Yahtzee, Boggle, Monopoly Jr., What’s in Ned’s Head, Charades, Apples to Apples and Would you Rather.

* Outside stations where sports equipment are housed together, such as balls, gloves, chalk for outdoor art, bubbles, kites, etc.  Don’t think a tween is too old, these activities can be stress relievers, even for adults.

These are just a few suggestions, what other ideas do you have or use in creating imagination creation stations?