Last week marked the end of EOG testing and a bit of anxiety and stress for our tweens.  According to the North Carolina State Board of Education, “The North Carolina End-of-Grade Tests are designed to measure student performance on the goals, objectives, and grade-level competencies specified in the North Carolina Standard Course of Study.”  

My daughter went through a ton of emotions, anxiety and stress and continues to until we get the test results.  The teachers and school had stressed the importance so much and the consequences of failing that the latter message was the one that weighed on her mind.  Mind you she has been on honor roll and is in the gifted program so she really shouldn’t worry.  However, the anxiety and stress are real.  So, how do you help your child manage their school test stress and anxiety?

Surf Net Parent website offered  the following three ideas for helping alleviate your tween’s anxiety about school:

“Tip one: Give your child an antacid. When your child is feeling anxiety they typically need something to settle an upset stomach. An antacid is a great solution for upset stomach and, additionally, they get they added benefit of some much needed calcium. Most tweens need the extra calcium because their bodies are changing and their diets are not providing sufficient vitamins and minerals to sustain the growth and change. If your child will not take an antacid, consider adding more fiber to their diet. A higher-fiber diet with more fruit and veggies can help relieve stomach pain as well. They ease constipation, which can be caused by stress, and a child who is anxious about school will generally suffer from this problem.

Your child’s diet can play a big role in how they handle stresses and anxieties. So, if they are suffering school anxiety, help them lay off the processed and refined foods and kick up the amount of fruits, vegetables and unprocessed or refined foods.

Tip two: Teach your child to talk about their feelings. When a child is suffering stress from school anxiety, getting the burden off their chest by talking about it can be very helpful. So, teach your child to label their feelings. If you can get a better understanding of their true feelings, and the effect those feelings are having on their body, you can better address it. For example, if your tween is stressing about school because of an upcoming math test, they may put those feelings into words like so, “My stomach is all tied up in knots because I do not understand the equations for the math test.” You can then address the stomach side with an antacid, and the lack of understanding side with tutoring.

If your child can’t express to you what is causing their anxiety, you can’t fix it. So, work with your tween to help them put words to their feelings and the reasons behind those feelings.

Tip three: Exercise. If your tween is suffering from school anxiety, consider having them do more exercise. A great workout where you break a sweat and get your muscles moving can be extremely useful for eliminating stress and anxiety. So, if your kid comes home stressed, take them for a brisk walk or get them playing a physical sport and you will see that their mood will perk up immediately.”

Has anyone else dealt with test anxiety or stress with your tween?  If so, how do you handle it?  Suggestions?

My darling little sister recently got married.  We traveled to Salt Lake City, Utah to participate in all the wedding festivities.

My sister had asked me if Lincoln (my son) would sing a song at her rehearsal dinner.  I told her that I would ask him and get back to her.  When I told him what song she wanted him to sing,  he said “no.”  I told him it was up to him and we would support him either way.  After he said no, I told him to just take some time to think about it.  We continued to talk about it for a couple weeks and gave him the option for us to sing with him.  After alot of thought, he said he would (with myself and his Dad singing with him).

The day quickly approached and we spent lots of time singing the song and memorizing the words.  He had the song down, knew every word and was doing a wonderful job.  I was so proud of him.

The day of the rehearsal dinner came and we started getting ready to go.  I could tell he was getting nervous and about an hour before we had to leave, he burst into tears.  He cried really hard and said he did not want to sing.  We let him know that we supported him no matter what and that it was his choice.  We also told him that he had to tell my sister that he was not going to honor his commitment and sing.  He was not happy about that, but we didn’t budge.

We got to the rehearsal dinner and he was prepared to tell her that he would not be singing.  My husband and I felt it would be a good experience either way.  If he sang, he would feel the sense of accomplishment that comes with doing something really hard and feel the sweet joy of success.  If he chose not to do it, he would feel his own personal frustration and dissapointment in himself and also learn from it.  It was a win-win situation in our eyes.

In the end, he conquered his fears and sang the song.  He DID IT!!!  We were so proud of him, but more importantly, he was proud of himself.

Phewww – being a parent of a tween and their emotions is hard, if we just believe in them, teach them good principles and let them make their own choices…they will always come out on top!!  Go Lincoln!!

Have you ever made your tween do something you knew would be difficult but would be a win-win either way? Please share in the comment box below.

Editor’s note: Jessica Lowe is a regular blogger for our CuddleBugs blog.

Dear Jakob,

Ten years ago you came into my life.  You arrived here safely and perfectly.  You were my first son, my first CHILD at that.  Overnight, you became everything to me.  I learned how to fall in love all over again when my eyes met yours, when they handed me your small body, and when you looked up at me and depended on me for your every need.

As you began to grow and learn, I felt as though I had lost pieces of you forever.  I knew I would never get back those first few months.  I knew that your tiny gummy mouth and your clean baby smells would soon fade, but I was so excited to see you get bigger that I didn’t focus on those things too much.

When you turned two, I decided that I wasn’t going to let you get any bigger.  I wanted to hold you and squeeze you super tight so you couldn’t grow up!  It seemed like every moment I spent with you I needed to capture in my thoughts for eternity.  I didn’t want to lose any moment.  I still remember us sitting at your toy play kitchen set (that your dad forbade you to get but you still did!) as you made me a delicious plate of plastic hamburgers and french fries.

Where did those days go?  It feels like only last week we were best friends, best pals, best mates.

Last week you turned 10, double digits.  You look so incredibly handsome, identical to your father, lucky you!   You’re a wild and crazy boy who spends almost every spare minute outside playing war with your friends.  You stink when you come inside and you’re starting to pick up on some yucky tween habits of leaving your clothes on the floor, or complaining about doing chores.

Still, you’re my baby Jake.  I can still see your precious face when I look deep into your eyes and I know that even though you may not show it like you used to, you still love me.

I won’t lie, I miss you tiny, but to be perfectly honest, I SO enjoy you getting big.  You amaze me EACH and EVERY day.  You are WAY more than I could ever ask for.  Your integrity is far beyond any other child your age and I admire you and learn from you in everything you do.

As much as I want to be mad at you for growing up, I just can’t.  I’m only incredibly proud.  I love you.

Love,

Mom

As I planned Sam’s upcoming birthday party I was faced with a dilemma of sorts. Back in preschool all of the kids were friends. Sam might play with Abby on Monday, Christian on Wednesday and everyone on Friday. There were no favorites or “best friends” so there was no question about the party invite list. As the boys have gotten older, however, it has changed.

Sam's birthday last year!

Now each boy has closer friends…those whom they play with more often and some kids they really don’t play with much at all. With that in mind, and the cost of these shindigs, we have talked about inviting only those friends they truly consider buddies. My fear, as the mom, is that other parents won’t understand why their child is not asked to attend. It is nothing personal, but at this point we have chosen to stop having parties with 16 kids. It does not make sense to me anymore financially or in terms of the relationships my boys have with their peers.

I remind Jake and Sam that we have made this change and they should not be talking about things like this at school to avoid hurting anyone’s feelings. I know we could spend less and invite more, but I think back to when I was their age and I know I was not friends with everyone and I did not want kids I did not hang out with at my parties. It just did not make any sense or occur to me that some parents would not understand that.  As a mom, I am more aware of things like this now

What do you do for your tween’s birthdays or other special events? Have you shrunken your invite list at all?

My daughter came home from school the other day and announced that a friend had started “it.”  When I asked for a little more information she informed me that she had bled.  We’ve discussed body changes within puberty with her before and addressed questions as they arose, but I was not really thinking I would need to address it until 11 or 12. 

It made me start thinking of how I could create a “kit” for her to have in her backpack that was cute, but had the essentials just in case something happened at school- every tweens nightmare.  I’m all about being creative, but I don’t like to re-invent the wheel so I looked online and discovered many options and kits that have been already created.  I have listed some websites below for some great information as well as ideas to prepare your tween girls for menstruation.

http://www.teachkidshow.com/teach-your-child-about-puberty/

http://kidshealth.org/kid/grow/boy/boys_puberty.html

www.mayoclinic.com/health/menstruation/FL00040/NSECTIONGROUP=2
http://myfirstperiodkit.com/index.htm
http://www.tweencare.com/Home.html
http://www.dotgirlproducts.com/ 

http://herchanges.com/index.html

The Basics

Puberty affects boys and girls alike.  However, there are obvious differences.  The key is to talk and prepare your child and open the lines of communication.  If you have tried and they are uncomfortable or unwilling, perhaps try a relative or close family friend to do the honors.  (Make sure they have the same ideals and values as your family before having them teach your child.)  I’ll leave the specifics to the experts and encourage you to read some of the following articles.  Most children enter puberty at age 9-14.  I know with my daughter it has paid off being open and honest from a young age as she is very willing to talk and ask questions. 

Unfortunately, what I am discovering is that their is this “pressure” to catch up or be at the same developmental stage as peers.  I was a late bloomer so to speak.  I was taller, awkward, small chested, and I won’t even address the bad glasses, etc.  I assumed my daughter would be the same.  I thought I would buy myself some time. 

However, nobody can predict your body’s agenda for growing up and changing.  As the saying goes, failure to plan is planning to fail.  Even though I can wait for my daughter’s changes to progress, I need to be vigilant in recognizing  the changes and teaching her as they come up, for example:  how to manage oily hair, good facial care, proper teeth cleaning, body odor and deodorant, modesty, “budding” or wearing a bra, etc. 

Any advice? Suggestions?  How have you prepared your tween for their changing body?