Without disclosing full medical information of my children, I would like to say that my children do deal with certain medical conditions which can sometimes hinder interactions.  As parents we want the best for our children.  We want them to succeed.  We want them to have a chance in the world in which we live.  Part of giving our children these chances is facing the reality of our situations.  Too often we choose to put blinders up to behaviors  and or delays that could indicate that a child or tween needs additional help or resources.

When I used to teach Kindermusik, we had a sheet I would give parents about reframing.  We  as parents sometimes get stuck in a rut with how we naively “label” our children.  There are sometimes negative stigmas to the words we choose to use.  I have caught myself describing behaviors and remembering to reframe them into a positive light.

What is reframing?  Wikipedia cites that,

“The term reframing designates a communication technique which has origins in family systems therapy and the work of Virginia Satir. Milton H. Ericksonhas been associated with reframing and it also forms an important part of Neuro-linguistic programming. In addition, provocative therapy uses reframing with an emphasis on humor.

Another meaning or another sense is assigned by reframing a situation or context, thus sees a situation in another frame. A frame can refer to a belief, what limits our view of the world. If we let this limiting belief go, new conceptions and interpretation possibilities can develop.

Psychotherapists trained in the reframing by communication attempt to let scenes appear in another point of view (frame) so that someone feels relieved or is able to deal with the situation better.”

I have found this article extremely helpful in understanding how to respond, help and encourage my children.  http://www.ncld.org/ld-basics/ld-aamp-social-skills/social-aamp-emotional-challenges/behaviors-linked-with-ld-steering-your-childs-behavior-in-a-positive-direction

Here are some positive ways to reframe your child’s behaviors that I have found beneficial with my own children:

Positive Ways to Reframe Children’s Behavior

If you use this word:                            Try this instead:

Aggressive                                              Assertive

Anxious                                                   Cautious or concerned

Boisterous                                               Enthusiastic

Bossy                                                       A leader

Chatterbox                                              Communicative

Clingy                                                      Loving

Controlling                                              Determined

Disruptive                                                Eager

Distractible                                             Perceptive

Dreamy                                                   Imaginative

Explosive                                                 Dramatic

Fearful                                                    Sensitive

Giddy                                                       Good-humored

High strung                                             Energetic, enthusiastic

Hyper                                                      Loves to move

Intense                                                    focused; dedicated

Moody                                                     Charismatic

Non-participatory                                 An observer

Obsessive                                                Deliberate

Picky                                                        Selective

Self-centered                                          Proud

Serious                                                    Contemplative

Shy                                                          Reflective

Silly                                                         Joyful

Stubborn                                                 Tenacious; persistent

Troublesome                                           Challenging

Unpredictable                                         Curious

Whiny                                                      Willing to communicate

Do you believe reframing  a child makes us as parents focus more on the positive and boost self-esteem?  Thoughts?  Suggestions?

I have always been a fan of Steven Covey and his awesome books and organizational supplies.  So you can imagine how thrilled I was to find out that my tween’s elementary school has adopted these 7 Habits into their classrooms and their curriculum.  When my tween made a comment to me about how he was being “proactive”, I was thrilled beyond words.

Here are the 7 Habits his school has adopted to help them in their educational and social journey this year:

Habit 1: Be Proactive • You’re in Charge

Habit 2: Begin With the End in Mind • Have a Plan

Habit 3: Put First Things First • Work First, Then Play

Habit 4: Think Win-Win • Everyone Can Win

Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood • Listen Before You Talk

Habit 6: Synergize • Together Is Better

Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw • Balance Feels Best

While I attended his Open House, I learned even more about this great program.  They presented it to the parents and talked to us about how they use it in the classrooms.  I thought this was wonderful, so I can also be using these habits in our home.  They have been given beautiful planners that also go along with the 7 habits.

What a great way to start a child’s life and instill leadership and social skills INTO their curriculum.  This program get TWO thumbs up from this Mama!!

The Franklin Covey website also gives great tools for families and homes to not just make our children mediocre but GREAT!!!

What are some of the things you have seen in your child’s school that really impress you?

Both of my boys have a nice circle of friends. There school is small so it is almost a given that they are friendly with each kids in their grade. They are closer to some than others but there are no cliques and everyone seems to get along just fine. With such small classes I see and talk to many of the parents at various school functions or birthday parties. I cannot help but wonder if I influence who the boys hang out with most by which parents I talk to more.

The boys with TJ....I happen to be very good friends with his mom

We all know that in a room full of people we tend to gravitate towards those who share common interests with us. It can be careers or families or hobbies. Over the past few years I have spoken with some moms more than others. We have built relationships and when the classes meet or get together we now seek each other out to catch up and say hello. As a result, we may see those families socially outside of school or if I need a ride for the boys or a favor, I would call those parents and then….the boys would spend time with those kids.

I would never say I want to choose who the boys are friends with, but I think I may be doing it without knowing it What do you think? Do you feel that we push our kids to be friends with certain other kids because of our adult friendships?

I recently went to my tween’s open house at school.  I was really looking forward to having some time to talk to his teacher.  The open house was a great experience and I left feeling very happy and proud of my children.  Both teachers raved about their behavior, their work ethic and their positive attitudes.

My tween’s teacher told me how obedient he is, how he works really hard at his school work and how he is a leader in the classroom.  She also told me that he is a “people pleaser’.  This was no surprise to me.  Lincoln has always had this type of  personality.  I will also admit that I am a bit of a “people pleaser”, so he comes by it honestly.

This created a bit of interest and worry inside of me.  We have always taught Lincoln to stand up for what he believes, to work hard and to be loving to all he meets.   We are not hard on him, we expect him to always to his best, but we don’t expect perfection from him.

As I did some research on google, I only found negative articles on “people pleasers”.  I also found some information on the “oldest child syndrome” since Lincoln is my oldest child.  Here are a few characteristics of  the typical oldest child:

Some of these characteristics are good and some are not.  They are most definitely interesting.

Moral of the story….it is great to be aware of these things.  Yes, Lincoln is a “people pleaser”.  Is this really so bad?   He is good and kind and a natural leader.  As a parent, it is my responsibility to always remind him to stand up for himself, for what he believes is right and to NEVER let others influence his beliefs or his actions.

What are your thoughts on this “oldest child syndrome” and the term “people pleaser” when it comes to our tweens?

I know I have posted before about my tween having eagle eyes and loving to explore, discover and observe.  She has taught me to slow down and smell the roses.  In a hurried world she is often the one in her own world of imagination.  Although this can sometimes frustrate me, I decide to chalk it up for positives in a society that keeps wanting to move faster and often overlooking the simple things.

We recently sent away for some caterpillars.  We have a butterfly house that we haven’t used in a while.  The kids were very excited when we got our five caterpillars that would sooner than later transform into 5 spotted painted lady butterflies.  After watching them make their chrysalides and transplanting them to the “house,” we quickly had 5 butterflies.  I don’t think we transferred two of them soon enough as they had some wing damage.  Of course my children were very concerned about their survival.

After the first day of school, we decided to let our butterflies free.  The healthy 3 took off in immediate flight, and my children swear they are the ones still around our flowers in our yard.  The less injured of the two took a little longer to get it’s wings moving fast enough to take flight, but it eventually flew off, too.  The last we strategically planted on a flower and watched for a while as it gathered nectar from the flower.  It was too injured to fly, as it had tried and fell and we had to reposition it on the flower.  My children were in awe over this entire process.  My tween especially was empathetic to the weakest.

My husband loves animals, insects, etc.  I love nature, so between the two of us, we are constantly trying to encourage our children’s sense of discovery.  There is learning all around us, but it is up to us to slow down and capture it and either learn with our children or teach them.  We recently got hamsters so the quest of learning is on again.  However, my tween asked me some hamster anatomy questions that involved “stick, hard, sacks, eww.”  Not sure I want to go there, but I used it to maturely go over some of the same talks we have had fielding questions about human anatomy, etc.  AGGHH!  (Wasn’t ready for that one, but am getting better with it as questions continue to arise…)

How do you foster an appreciation of nature and science?