My tween has a dilemma. As parents we are supportive of her desire to dance. However, she wants to take 2 different dance classes on 2 different days (which we think is fine since the studio is close to our home), but she has adamantly stated that 2 days is too much with her homework. Her dilemma, “maybe I shouldn’t dance because the class I want to take requires me to take ballet too.” I admire my tween for knowing her limitations. Even watching her try to express her feelings about what she is doing this year at school was getting her worked up. Obviously we want her to enjoy dance and we don’t want to push her. We want to encourage and be supportive. The age old question remains, “to be or not to be?”
I wish I could wave a magic wand and create time for my tween to relax, to have less homework, to be less of a perfectionist and to cut herself some slack. Our tweens are under academic, social, emotional and athletic pressure. I think I have it bad, but I’m not sitting at a desk for 7 1/2 hours a day and then coming home to another hour and then needing to sleep to repeat it again. My tween needs down time, play time, creative time social time and learning to build that into her routine can be challenging.
When I think I have it hard or that I’m worn down, I quickly realize it is nothing in comparison to the pressures that our children are facing. As a parent I am constantly evaluating and re-evaluating to make sure I’m not pushing, expecting or “forcing” my tween to be more scheduled than she can handle. With the start of school I am reminded with the schedules sent out and the new grading methods of fourth grade how stressful it could appear to a tween.
Participating in activities that release energy, are enjoyable and are fun are all beneficial to relieving high stress levels. Communication is essential. Evaluation and Reality is important to. Listening is essential when trying to decide what to participate in or not.
How do you help your child find balance in their schedules? How do you teach your tween how to relieve stress in a positive and healthy manor?
Tags: Activities, balance, communication, discipline, exercise, fun, health, Kristen Paulsen, parenting, Responsibility, school, stress, tween
I have often joked that my planner is my Bible. It is what I go by. I also have a “three-in-one” calendar, cork and magnet board hanging in my room, to always be sure what the day looks like and what I can fit in and where. As I copied my schedule and sent it to my brother (due to the likelihood he will need some help with his kids or want the company as his wife recovers from a surgery at home for a week) I realized how completely full my schedule was and that my sons was just as full. We consider the week to be work week and the weekend- well, not as demanding. Although Saturday was a good day to add an art class at the museum. Balance these days just means more work for Mom at home- to make sure physical, spiritual, emotional and mental needs are being met….both our own and of our children. I think this concept is important when making decisions and making schedules. Asking “does this certain activity nourish me in these ways”…..if it does, then it’s probably worth the effort. I believe we need to help our children fulfill their goals. If there is a will, there is always a way. Helping a child see their life with perspective is a difficult thing….but as the adult, we are ultimately the “yay or nay” on things and also the “go to” person. We must see clearly and be diligent in doing what’s best in the “big picture” A child or tween can release stress in so many ways…..drawing, dancing around, music- and seriously? If a child is frustrated or upset- I feel it’s okay to let them express that by hitting a pillow or deep breathing…throwing pebbles at the ground or tree. Something that does not put another person at risk or leave them in a state of internal turmoil. We are an example in our children’s lives and it is up to us to teach them coping mechanisms and that truthfully- as much as “downtime” is necessary and enjoyable- it can be just as fun to love what you “have to do”. Life is all about attitude!!
Thank you Sarah for your comments, you bring up many great points. I love your perspective and it’s always helpful to hear outside opinions and suggestions. I will inevitably be blogging again about this as we make decisions, try things out and learn from success and failures. I love your reminders about attitude. Perhaps I question my daughter because I also know that it bumps up my Mom schedule…oh, the ever balance of our life, theirs and the family. Stay tuned!
One avenue to go is to recognize that since your daughter has so much stress about school, that you are going to pare everything else down to allow her time to focus on school, thinking that narrowing her focus will allow her to perform up to her own standards and so relieve her school stress.
Given the level of stress you describe her having, I think you need to consider going a different route and breaking up that obsessive focus and behavior. The stress levels you have described seem excessive and unsual for a girl in the 4th grade. Maybe instead of feeding into her perfectionism by cutting out extra-curriculars and allowing her to focus on that stress and perfectionism, you should sign her up for two dance classes and maybe even something else! Would this remove some of the time she is obsessing about school work and refocus it on something more healthy and uplifting?
Dance can be a wonderful stress reliever. It can promote physical health, emotional balance, and facilitate socialization. Since your daughter is imaginative and artistic, it can allow her outlets for those things that are not well recognized in most schools.
I know that with three kids it is always going to come back to a question of balance. Dance might not work. But my only advice would be to do all you can to interrupt the stress she is feeling about school and to avoid letting that stress be the driver for your family decision-making.
Good luck!!!
I loved this post – I think your daughter is smart and in tune with things, much like her Mother. She surely is a beautiful little ballerina. Good luck with those big decisions!!
Great suggestions, reminders and support Trinyan and Heidi, thank you. We went to open house and she ran into a friend from class and now she wants to dance every day of the week. Finances aside, we have decided to let her try 4 classes for the first few months, 3 days a week and once her brother’s soccer is done we will gauge to see if she wants to add her hip hop, theater and advance. We worry that school is getting harder and that she is a perfectionist and it sometimes take her longer in understanding that too much may become stressful, but hopepfully her stress levels will be a motivator and we will be able to offset and balance. Thank you all for your encouragement and advice, mush appreciated!