Is there a difference between frenemy, arch nemesis or a bully? Maybe, maybe not. All have a long term effect on a child’s life and often into adulthood. I recently watched You Again. Funny movie, but the reality of how cruel classmates can be and how long lasting the effects were obvious. I guess I was lucky and I didn’t have a bully. I do know they exist and I know they can make life awful. I worry for my children. I worry that children are becoming more desensitized to cruelty and meanness.
Why has frenemy, arch nemesis and bully become accepted behavior and commonly accepted words? Should our kids really have to “toughen” up? Do we really have to tell our kids, “Don’t let it get to you.” Is this healthy? NO! Every person should be able to feel safe and good about themselves. Bullying does not have to be accepted as “normal” in growing up. Does it exist? Yes. Is it commonplace? Perhaps. What exactly is bullying?
PBS television station wrote the following about the subject:
“Physical bullying means:
- Hitting, kicking, or pushing someone…or even just threatening to do it
- Stealing, hiding or ruining someone’s things
- Making someone do things he or she don’t want to do
Verbal bullying means:
- Name-calling
- Teasing
- Insulting
Relationship bullying means:
- Refusing to talk to someone
- Spreading lies or rumors about someone
- Making someone do things he or she doesn’t want to do
What do all these things have in common? They’re examples of ways one person can make another person feel hurt, afraid, or uncomfortable. When these are done to someone more than once, and usually over and over again for a long period of time, that’s bullying.
The reason why one kid would want to bully another kid is this: when you make someone feel bad, you gain power over him or her. Power makes people feel like they’re better than another person, and then that makes them feel really good about themselves. Power also makes you stand out from the crowd. It’s a way to get attention from other kids, and even from adults.”
Who are bullies? It can be “friends”, family, classmates, teammates, “the kid who has it all,” taller, shorter, etc. They all have this in common: they are people who someone else or something is making them feel inferior so they are picking on someone else to feel important or validated.
How do you deal with bullies? What do you teach your children about bullies? Ideas?
Tags: balance, bullying, children, communication, dealing with bullies, frenemy, healthy children, helping children deal with bullies, Kristen Paulsen, onslow memorial hospital, parenting, parenting tips, relationships, school, types of bullies
You are so right! Why has the attitude about bullying been to put the burden on the victim to toughen up and get over it? So wrong.
I do think it is a myth that bullies are single people acting alone though. What the studies on bullying show is that kids who bully are backed up by and spurred on by a network of other kids (and quite frequently parents and teachers). The research also shows that bullying produces bullies, so that victims and perpetrators are often one and the same.
I think this is important because it helps us recognize that to stop bullying requires the entire school and community–its not about finding the couple of “bad seeds” and fixing them. It’s about changing an atmosphere, which requires everyone to step up and acknowledge the role they can play.
If you are interested, Google the work of Dr. Olweus. It really is so sad that we allow such pain and heartache to occur right under our noses and that so many write it off as an inevitable right-of-passage.
You are so right! I appreciate the additional information and feel it very important that as adults we learn as much as possible, watch our attitudes and also watch and listen to make sure our children are not being bullied or being a part of bullying. Bullying is an attitude of entitlement and belittling. It’s sad to see that this issue continues and never stops…even as adults. Thanks again for your insights and wisdom!!! Keep reading, we all benefit from your comments!