Don't let stress tie you up in a knot. Try these techniques instead.

 Monday, I shared my own story about how I deal with stress. Today, I want to offer parents some pretty handy tools to deal with stress, gleaned from my own professional work in helping parents and my own experience.

Here are a few tips:

-          First, stop being a perfectionist. You don’t have to do it all – all the time. Ask for and accept help.

-          Don’t expect too much from your children – it will only make YOU crazy. Know your children’s developmental and age-related boundaries. There are great books out there!

-          Know your own limitations and learn to politely say “no” (go ahead – you can do it. It feels great! I was scared the first time, too).

-          Plan ahead. Have a list of the meals you plan to make and post a menu in your home. This will help reduce unnecessary grocery purchases (which also helps you save money) and your family can select from the weekly menu! That’s hitting the easy button.

-          Keep a journal about your day . . . this may help release frustrations about that rude customer or bothersome boss that you don’t want to take out on your loved ones.

-          Of course – adopting a regular exercise regimen, eating a healthy diet, reducing caffeine, and increasing water intake certainly helps – and now that you have a weekly menu plan . . . you may have spare time! Even make it a family event and you will lead by example for your children.

-          Share the job of keeping the house functioning. Make a chore chart for all family members to contribute. Then just follow it!

-          For your kids – keep general routines consistent. Communicate expectations clearly and with age-appropriate language. Institute a reward system; something visual so your children will experience the feeling of success. Then just follow through with it!

-          Hold a brief family meeting weekly to plan for activities and events.

-          Talk to your husband. Let him know what burdens you feel and what he can do to help relieve home-related duties. No . . . he may not do things just like you, but give the guy a break and be thankful it’s being taken care of.

Although these few tips only graze the surface on reducing stressors, they’re a great starting point. Having less stress in the home will help reduce your stress level in the workplace and visa versa – so be aware of your stressors on the job and work to manage these as well.

Bottom line – don’t mess with stress. When symptoms of stress start to heighten and someone says . . . relax . . . take a good look at your triggers and take action!

When it comes to stress, I never let ‘em see me sweat. Who can resist these adorable smiles from my kids Gidget, 7, and Queenie, 9, on the first day of school?

Has anyone ever said to you . . . “Relax . . . it’s all going to work out?”

I’ve sure heard it. My husband pulls that card out frequently. Indeed he is the laid back partner of the relationship. For me . . . well, that’s easier said than done.

As a woman, I wear many hats and work hard to do my best in each of my life roles. But sometimes I overextend myself (even if I won’t admit it), taking on a bit more than I can handle; yet, I carry on as though I can complete it all. Yes, I notice the symptoms of stress. What experts recommended to reduce stressors – such as exercise, a well-balanced diet, delegating tasks, etc. – doesn’t always seem to “fit” into my schedule. So, like most women, I ignore these bothersome signals and hope that once I get it all done these symptoms will simply disappear.  I’ve come to learn that you never get it all done (but don’t tell my husband that!)

Unfortunately, stress takes a toll on your body and on your parenting ability. We all feel some level of stress at one time or another, but what we do to keep it in check is most important – not only to our physical and emotional health, but to the health of our children. Believe it or not, our children experience stress as well, but when mom parents under levels of high stress . . . what’s the saying . . . “When mama ain’t happy . . .”?

You may be wondering what stress really looks like on your body. There are a variety of signs that may clue you into your level of stress. Some of these signs may include feeling angry, depressed, having headaches, muscle tension, problems with digestion, fatigue, and not sleeping well or sleeping too much. You’re less likely to play with your children, referee sibling arguments logically, and you may even strike out at your child when you know that’s just not me!

Tune in on Wednesday when I offer you Part Two, which will help you understand what can you do to calm the dangers of stress.

I learned that together time beats toys any day!

Hi TweenBeat moms and dads!

These are my top 10 personal lessons learned on the road of parenting. 

1.  Spending time with my children means more than what I bought at Toys-R-Us any day of the week.

2.  Tucking them in at night requires a brief show-and-tell and a 20-minute Q&A session – so clear your schedule.

3.  Children will tell your business at the Wal-Mart checkout – forcing you to pretend you forgot an item and leave a long line to retrieve anything.

4.  Children do not obey the rule – if the bathroom door is closed, do not come in – and barge in only to quickly inform you that you do look funny naked, and then leave.

5.  You will cry when you overhear your child praying and they don’t know you’re there.

6.  You will receive a call from the school that your son is harboring a family of lizards in his desk.

7.  Your children do worry when you are sick – mainly because dad’s in charge.

8.  Weeds and other strange plant-type items – are flowers.

9.  Your children will use their spy gear against you. Think twice about purchasing such items. And finally …

10.  If you decide to snoop in your teenager’s book bag to catch him doing something wrong, find a paper he wrote about heroes in his life, read it and discover he wrote about you – don’t be too ashamed. Carefully put everything back without a word – and relish the moment.

What personal lessons have you learned so far as you begin to raise your kids? Feel free to share below.

Understanding child development can help you strengthen your parenting skills.

 

Note: This is part two of a series about child abuse in Onslow County. For part one, click here.

We, a community of colleagues, parents, family, friends and neighbors – do not accept the statistics of child abuse.

What can we do? We are dismayed as to why children are abused. We ask – who could or would do such a thing?

Unfortunately, there is no easy answer to this question. Abusers aren’t the scary monsters we envision. Sadly, they can be a neighbor, a friend, and a co-worker. What we do know is that child abuse is more likely to occur when parents are struggling from:

• Stress
• Pressures
• A difficult or painful childhood
• Addictions
• Feelings of isolation
• Unrealistic expectations of children

The greatest gift we can offer to families who are at risk or in crisis is our time and our listening ears – to hear them and get to know their struggles. We must recognize their challenges as reality, and personally model positive parenting practices in our community.

I know each of us has wondered: Is it really my business to place my nose where it doesn’t belong? If we are committed to making a difference for kids – it is our business.

It shouldn’t hurt to be a child; this we acknowledge with passion. But it shouldn’t hurt to be a parent either!

Five Protective Factors

Its basic common sense that when protective factors are in place and are strong – abuse and neglect diminish. Research supports five protective factors known to strengthen families:

1. Parental resilience
2. Social connections
3. Knowledge of parenting and child development
4. Concrete support in times of need
5. Social and emotional development of children

We must continue our work connecting our resources. We are all players in this reality show. If your work can be described by one of these five protective factors – connect with other resources in the community and, let’s make it happen!

Suzie McCabe is a Maternal-Child Case Manager for Onslow Memorial Hospital.