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Hi, just wanted to share a recent conversation with Marissa regarding her fears over going to a different school, during which I sing the praises of the new school while she argues with cold hard facts and tween drama (:

Me:  Marissa, you got into the new magnet school in the area, isn’t that great?  Wow, it’s going to be so exciting, you will have new teachers, new friends, and learn new things!

Marissa: Um, Sarah (I am her step mom so she calls me by my first name, no biggie), I would have new teachers, new friends, and learn new things at Swansboro Middle where I was supposed to go.

Hmmm...I don't know about this!

Me:  Yes, this is true, but this new school is supposedly the best in the area with lots of emphasis on math, science, and technology, which you love!

Marissa:  Uh, actually I don’t love all those things.  I am good at math, but I don’t like it.  Science is kind of boring, but I do like technology if you mean like computers and stuff.

Me:  Oh.  Well, this new school has great teachers, great reviews, and the uniforms are nice too.

Marissa:  I don’t get why I can’t just go to Swansboro, that’s where all my old friends are going and it’s really close to the house, and—wait, did you say I have to wear a uniform???!!!

Me:  Yes, but think about how easy it will be to get ready for school now; you won’t have to worry about deciding what to wear which means you can probably sleep in a little more than before.

Marissa: (still suspicious of the uniform) Well maybe it will be ok, I guess.  Can I wear my regular clothes on the weekends still?  What colors are the uniforms?

Me:  Of course you can, and the uniforms are tan, white, and navy blue.

Marissa:  I should have known there would be no pink (pout).  Is it an all girls school?  Can I wear my sparkly horse necklace there, at least?  What kind of food do they have?

I’m sure you get the gist of the discussion; it boils down to basically clothes, boys, food, and pink sparkly things. Yup, she is 11 going on 16! Luckily her highness agreed to attend this new school, and I am interested to see how it compares to her old school. Anyone want to share any pros or cons of magnet schools?

Let me just start this off by saying I love love LOVE to sleep.  I always have, and since having my son about a year ago, I jealously guard my sleep now that I know when Isaac wakes up I need to wake up.  I’m not exaggerating; on nights that I get him down early around 7, I try to sneak off to bed and leave my husband to take care of the dishes, the dogs, and of course his daughter Marissa.

Maybe this is why I am not a big fan of sleepovers, even though I know how much Marissa enjoys them.  I know that the girls will be up very late and will most likely wake up the lightest two sleepers I know, myself and my son.  I am really cranky when woken up, and Isaac is even worse.  Arg!

Chowing on fruit kabobs

But how can I say no when every year for her birthday, Marissa wants a sleepover party?  I suggest bowling, mini golf, camping, beach parties, etc. but no, all my stepdaughter wants is a sleepover.

Sigh…

The good news is it is a cheap party.  I only have to spend money on some small decorations and pack of hot dogs and we are pretty much set (:  This year we also did fruit kabobs which were a big hit, and of course healthy to boot.

Also Marissa is turning 11, so she is at the age where she and her friends can entertain themselves, which is nice.  Last weekend we had the infamous 6-person sleepover party and we did indeed all survive, and the girls kept themselves busy with beading, reading, and playing silly games.

Of course the whole crew decided some time around one in the morning that it was way too hot in the upstairs room where they were supposed to be sleeping, so they all trooped downstairs to Marissa’s tiny room and squeezed themselves and all their stuff into that small space.

Let’s just say it was not the pitter-patter of tiny feet, rather the stomp-giggle-whisper-stomp brigade that woke me up.  On the bright side, Isaac snoozed through the night, hooray!

11 years old!

I definitely needed an entire pot of strong coffee to wake up the next day, but overall I’d say it was a success!

I guess I can sacrifice one night of sleep each year for the smile on Marissa’ face, but I am already scheming  for next time…maybe they can all sleep out back in a tent?

Editor’s note: Sarah Moore is a featured blogger on CuddleBugs. She’ll be posting a two-part series this week on TweenBeat.

If you are just tuning in, please read Part One of my story here.

So where did my husband and I go wrong?  What happened?  I need someone or something to blame but I’m running in circles right now trying to find an answer where there might be none.

I know that her mother and father did not get along while they were married and had an especially ugly divorce and custody fight. Could that be it?  I just don’t know and Marissa had a hard time communicating with us about why she behaved in this way.

I considered the possibility of getting her some counseling but my husband is strongly against this, as if it would be admitting there might be something wrong with her, or even us, but I see it as a way to help this confused 11-year old confront her issues.

We spoke with Marissa on this topic and what she had done for a long time that night, and well into the weekend.  We tried to make her connect her actions and words to the whys and hows of the situation.  I even made her read the note aloud so she would hear how ugly those words were.  I showed her articles about recent bullying instances and the devastating results for the victims, such as suicide, failing school, school shootings, etc.

She was in tears during some of this, but I could not stop until she understood this was not a harmless joke.  Even telling the child she didn’t want to be his friend was mean, but then what she had written was despicable.

We asked Marissa to write apology notes to her teacher, to the child the note was directed at, and most importantly, to God.  We also have been praying more and reading the Bible together more as a family.  I am trying to find the positive in all this, so hopefully she has learned a valuable lesson.

Any thoughts or advice would be appreciated.  Any thoughts on counseling?

Editor’s note: Sarah Moore is a featured blogger on CuddleBugs. She’ll be posting a two-part series this week on TweenBeat.

For those of you who don’t know me, I used to teach at an alternative school in the area, so I have a lot of experience with negative childhood behaviors, including bullying.

Usually the students would act out for reasons such as anger issues, various problems stemming from childhood, abuse, neglect, you name it.  We were trained in how to react and respond to these children and help them deal with what was going on with them.  Different methods seemed to help each child, and eventually I learned many ways to do so.  So why can’t I use this experience and training in my own household?

I never in a million years thought that I would see some of this disrespectful and downright hateful behavior from my own stepdaughter.  Marissa is a very intelligent, creative, and thoughtful person.  She has not been abused, neglected, or anything like that, so where did this all come from?

Apparently she was part of a group of kids that wrote a particularly nasty note to another child, telling him that they no longer wanted to be his friend.  Marissa was the author of said note, and even though she wrote it down it while someone else dictated it, in my book she is just as guilty as the rest of the group.

Marissa tried to defend her actions by telling us that the child was being mean to her and her friends and telling them they were stupid and to shut up, but we did not entertain that at all.  It is NEVER OK to hurt someones feelings, regardless of why, and I thought she knew this.

You may be reading this thinking, kids will be kids, but I am not finished yet.  In the letter there was some name-calling and some choice words, such as “gay.”  So guess what?  This “innocent” note just turned into a hate crime.

When I read this my heart broke, seeing what Marissa had done.  As Christians my husband and I believe that homosexuality is wrong, but our way of dealing with this is to love others even if we disagree with their lifestyles!  Never is it condoned to bully others and call them names, whether they are different than us or not.

To be continued…More on Thursday.

Have any of your kids either been the victim of bullying or the bully?  How did you handle this?

Would this adorable face lie?

Sarah Moore is a resident blogger on CuddleBugs. This is her first guest post on TweenBeat.

I wanted to share a recent misadventure with my stepdaughter…

Marissa is 10.5 and very intelligent, but lately has been using her powers for less good and more “evil.”

We allow Marissa computer access at home for school work and email, which we monitor.  She has been very responsible in terms of the internet and is aware of the basic safety precautions such as never give out personal info.

I think this is why it threw us for a loop when I found out my innocent little fifth-grader had opened a Facebook account during a recent weekend at her mom’s.  She had asked if she could have one last month and we pointed out that not only could it be inappropriate but even downright dangerous for a child, and also it is Facebook’s policy that no one under the age of 13 have an account.

Being somewhat handy on the computer and quite sneaky when I need to be, I started doing a little digging once I realized what she had done.  How disappointing when upon further investigation I discovered that Marissa had lied about her name and age to obtain said account.

We were awarded custody of Marissa several years ago and have been working hard to raise her to be an honest Christian woman with good morals, so as you can guess her father and I were/are pretty upset about this.

So on one hand, this is not the end of the world, just a Facebook account, right?  Maybe, but on the other hand this was about more than that.  It was about lying to us and lying to others to get something she knew she should not have and had been told she could not have by her parents.  It was also about the safety of a child.  Who knows what kind of people could contact her on Facebook!  Maybe I have read too many stories in the paper about pedophiles and other predators, but I would always rather be safe than sorry.

Needless to say, we had a nice looong lecture about why she is too young to have a Facebook account and of course the lying, followed by 2 weeks of grounding and no computer privileges for a while.

I just don’t get it though, she is only 10.5!  I expected the occasional attitude and minor drama with girlfriends, but not this, not yet.  I don’t remember starting to push my boundaries and break the rules until I was a teenager!  Then again, that was quite a while ago (:

Anyone have any experience with this kind of thing?  Any tips?