My son is in Kindergarten.  Still an age of innocence, right?!  I was dumbfounded by what came out of his mouth when he got angry the other day.  I stood there for a second thinking he didn’t really just say that to me and then proceeded to put him on timeout.  After speaking with him later about it I discovered that someone he considers a friend (and someone I consider a bad influence) uses “potty words” all the time.  So, we discussed our home “rules” again and set some future consequences for him using inappropriate language.  We try really hard not to expose our children to words we don’t want them using.  In fact, “stupid” is a bad word to us; we prefer to use silly instead.  It hit me the his outside influences are becoming stronger as he is away from home longer.  I know we cannot “shelter” him forever, but, really?  Kindergarten?!

So, how do we teach our children to differentiate which words and phrases are OK and appropriate and which are not?  Inside our homes we set the tone and the rules for what is OK.  However, when children hear things in movies or in stores it is OK to say, “ignore that,” or “we don’t say things like that.”   Yet, there are many times our children will hear things and will most likely try repeating them for effect.  It is best not to get too angry until you discuss what they understand about what they just said.  Most often than not, our kids don’t really know what they are repeating.  It is a “parrot” affect.  However, once discussed, future rules need to be clear.

It is also a good idea to tell our children to stand up and tell their friends not to use certain language because it is offensive.  If they choose not to respect you, again it becomes a learning lesson in choosing our friends wisely.  If children are using foul language on the playground at recess, I want my children to tell an adult.  There is no reason to have “potty” mouths, especially at school where we should be teaching our children good grammar and words.  School is the last place I want my child picking up inappropriate language or manners.

Here is a neat article about different reasons a child may use “bad words,”  it’s not always what we think.

How do you handle when your child uses a new word that may not be acceptable in your home?  Do you think a child should be encouraged to tell an adult or teacher or do you view that as tattling?

We have all heard that boys will be boys or that siblings are just meant to bicker, but as I shared in an earlier post, I have reached my limit with the bickering. I had to lay down the law with Jake and Sam to put an end to the constant arguing. For the time being….it seems to have worked.

Picture of Brotherly Love

I used to step in and stop the boys when the arguing went on and on but that was all I would do. I would tell them that it was wrong and that they needed to work to be more kind to each other. Without fail, they would stop for 10 minutes and then start again. It seemed they were arguing more than they weren’t and it was wearing on me. I wanted them to show more love and care toward one another so I had to make a change.

I told the boys that from now on, their arguing would be a punishable offense just like back talk or any other action that earned them a time out. They were put on notice that when they carried on and would not drop it with each other, they would be punished. It may mean 15 times outs a day, but my hope is that it will make them realize that they actually do like spending time with each other and that it is not worth the energy they expend to constantly go at each other.

For the past few days, things have been better. I think just the threat of a time out has done the trick for now. They still argue from time to time but it is not ALL the time….as I type this they are building a fort together and I only hear happiness I’ll keep you posted on how things go once more time goes by……..

Do your kids bicker often? What do you do when it starts?

As some of you may know, I am a teacher. I have taught high school, middle school and currently…pre school. In that time I have worked with many kids at all age levels. No matter what age the child, something my father told me (and research backs up) sticks in my head. When it comes to your children…what you have at 5 years old is what you are going to have.

Now some might call this a negative and defeatist point of view….that a person cannot change after 5 years of age. From my experience, I can tell you that sadly, it is all too true without some great intervention. What saddens me is that so many parents do not seem to understand this point. I have seen three year olds who hit (and have quite the attitude when you tell them to apologize), 13 year olds who have no issue ignoring a teacher’s direction and five year olds who do not know the difference between a letter and a number. In each of these cases it is fairly certain that they have parents who either don’t care to do any better or don’t have the knowledge to do better. Either way, they are creating children who will have behavior issues and academic issues in school…never mind in their adults lives.

It is HARD work raising a child. There is no time to be lazy or tired…it is 24/7 if you do it right. All parents make mistakes but too many parents take the easy way out. They allow their toddlers and pre schoolers to dictate too much, they don’t take the time to read to their children because they are too busy or they expect school to do it all for them. I know that most parents think their child is perfect, but more need to take a step back and make sure they are doing all they need to so that same child can lead a productive life free of stress down the road.

What do you think? Do you feel most parents work as hard as they should at parenting?

From previous posts you may know that my youngest son Sam is not a morning person. 7AM comes much too early for him and getting ready for school is last on his list of things he wants to do. On the other end of the day…he does not think much of bed time either. If he could stay up until midnight he would. Well, he will be 7 this year and as I have said to him….enough is enough!

Someone needs to tell Sam he is not this old anymore!

Neither of these traits were ever cute, but I always thought he would outgrow them. I never dreamed that he would still be whining each morning when told to eat his breakfast or that he would still come out of his room 5 times AFTER being tucked in. At some point I just figured it would end, but it appears I was very wrong.

I have tried reasoning, ignoring and yelling…no approach seems to do the trick. I think I may just have to accept that he is a night person and mornings will always be rough for him. I have to hold onto hope that at 15 he won’t still be rolling around on the floor at 7:30 AM saying he hates getting dressed

I assume at some point he will find a way to still not like the morning routine and heading to bed at a decent hour, but contain himself and just push through it. Until that day…don’t call me around 7:30 AM or 7:30 PM…..it is not pretty here then.

Do you have a tween who still acts like a much younger child sometimes?

It’s another vacation day.  You know the routine: we get up earlier than we’d ike for “vacation,” the kids are playing nicely for a while, you eat breakfast and then, it hits!  The spat!  Siblings love and hate each other.  They notice every little thing and detail.  Who got more presents, who gets more attention, who got more dessert and then the wheels in their little heads start to turn and they fuel a fight.  It’s a mother’s typical day and nightmare.  It’s something that I know I wish I could know exactly how to handle.  As for now, I have found the best way is to let them resolve it on their own.

Siblings have their disagreements which is normal.  However, it sometimes can become extreme.  I have noticed that it occurs with or without age spans and can come and go with the drop of a hat.  My children have a love-hate relationship, but they are each other’s biggest fans and defenders.

How do you aid in having healthy sibling relationships?

We have found that having your children work together may seem difficult as first, but is often worth the extra effort and time involved.  Children need responsibility and opportunities to rely on each other and to succeed together and not be at competition with each other.  Experts agree that the way we present relationships are crucial at teaching our children life skills and relationship skills.

With the holiday breaks and the more time left at home together, siblings may be encountering more spats than normal.  They may be envious of each others gifts, time spent together, friends, etc.  Of course, they also notice where mom’s attention is divided and that also becomes difficult to gauge.  I have been noticing that allowing my children their space, privacy is just as important to their togetherness.

What do you do when siblings fight?  Do you engage, resolve, or leave them to work it out?