Is there a difference between frenemy, arch nemesis or a bully?  Maybe, maybe not.  All have a long term effect on a child’s life and often into adulthood.  I recently watched You Again.  Funny movie, but the reality of how cruel classmates can be and how long lasting the effects were obvious.  I guess I was lucky and I didn’t have a bully.  I do know they exist and I know they can make life awful.  I worry for my children.  I worry that children are becoming more desensitized to cruelty and meanness.

Why has frenemy, arch nemesis and bully become accepted behavior and commonly accepted words?  Should our kids really have to “toughen” up?  Do we really have to tell our kids, “Don’t let it get to you.”  Is this healthy?  NO!  Every person should be able to feel safe and good about themselves.  Bullying does not have to be accepted as “normal” in growing up.  Does it exist?  Yes.  Is it commonplace?  Perhaps.  What exactly is bullying?

PBS television station wrote the following about the subject:

“Physical bullying means:

• Hitting, kicking, or pushing someone…or even just threatening to do it
• Stealing, hiding or ruining someone’s things
• Making someone do things he or she don’t want to do

Verbal bullying means:

• Name-calling
• Teasing
• Insulting

Relationship bullying means:

• Refusing to talk to someone
• Spreading lies or rumors about someone
• Making someone do things he or she doesn’t want to do

What do all these things have in common? They’re examples of ways one person can make another person feel hurt, afraid, or uncomfortable. When these are done to someone more than once, and usually over and over again for a long period of time, that’s bullying.

The reason why one kid would want to bully another kid is this: when you make someone feel bad, you gain power over him or her. Power makes people feel like they’re better than another person, and then that makes them feel really good about themselves. Power also makes you stand out from the crowd. It’s a way to get attention from other kids, and even from adults.”

Who are bullies?  It can be “friends”, family, classmates, teammates, “the kid who has it all,” taller, shorter, etc.  They all have this in common:  they are people who someone else or something is making them feel inferior so they are picking on someone else to feel important or validated.

How do you deal with bullies?  What do you teach your children about bullies?  Ideas?

I’m so excited!  My daughter recently returned home with a flyer announcing this fantastic program being offered through her school!  It’s called, Girls on the Run!  Check out their website, philosophy, vision and plan!  It’s definitely an attitude of CAN that I want my own daughter to embrace.  The problem…my daughter hates to run!  I’m not surprised, my husband doesn’t prefer it either, I, however, love it!

Dilemma…my husband and I both think this is a fabulous opportunity for her.  Not only for skills, friendships, teamwork, but for self esteem. The program in not just about running.  It is goal oriented.  It is work oriented.  It is people oriented.  It is self awareness oriented and it is about a can do attitude. I often have found myself telling my kids that “can’t” isn’t in their vocabulary, that I think they can.  However, it is mind over body sometimes.  Just like the Little Engine that could.

From their website, they state this about their program:  “Girls on the Run® is a 501(c)3 positive youth development program which combines an interactive curriculum and running to inspire self-respect and healthy lifestyles in pre-teen girls. Our core curriculum addresses many aspects of girls’ development – their physical, emotional, mental and social well-being. Lessons provide girls with the tools to make positive decisions and to avoid risky adolescent behaviors.”
Vision

• To provide life-changing, high quality programs for girls
• To provide life-changing and high quality experiences to the women developing and delivering the programs
• To promote and provide an environment that allows girls and women to reach their full potential
• To positively transform how girls and women perceive themselves and their place in society

Editor’s note: Onslow is a proud community partner of Girls on the Run and recently sponsored one of the 5K events. For more information about GOTR, visit their website.

Is this program being offered at other local schools?  What do you think?  For it or against it?

Which way will we go??

From some previous posts (like this one) you may know that we are in limbo at the moment. My husband’s career could go a couple of different ways and this means we are not sure what our plans are for this summer. We could move to another state, stay put one more year or move overseas (new option I learned of this past week! ). With so much up in the air I sometimes wonder how much the boys really need to know at this point. Do they need to be in the loop or should we just fill them in when we have a firm decision?

It was so much easier when they were little. We moved and they could have cared less! By the time Jake was 4 he had already lived in three states and four houses. It made no difference to them where were were or how often we moved. As long as they had mom with them (and dad when he was stateside), things were OK and stable in their eyes. Now it is different. They are school age and no matter where we go, they will make a big transition to a new school next fall. I know how stressed out I am about all of this and I just feel like maybe keeping them in the dark another month or two won’t hurt.

The truth is, they don’t have a say in what happens so I suppose they might as well just be told the final course of action. I am not even sure they could wrap their heads around all of our options and choices at this point. My biggest concern is that I keep my cool and don’t become too stressed around them at this point. They know daddy has an interview this week and that is about it. I think I’ll keep it that way for now.

Did you ever keep things like this from your kids to lessen their stress?

What is the going rate for the tooth fairy?  What happened to the ole’ quarter and being happy and excited?!  Things have changed as children understand the concept of money, competition and freely discuss all of the above with fellow schoolmates.  My son recently lost his first tooth and the second is on the brink.  He made sure to let me know that the tooth fairy was supposed to come and leave at least a $1.  Hmmm… children with demands.

As I polled other parents I got a variety of answers to how they make traditions and compensate for this monumental occasion.  Let’s face it, we all remember how hard our kids worked to “cut” their first teeth.  We all know the pain of teeth.  We should be compensated, right?!  I realized my son was more “wowed” by the letter he received from the tooth fairy than the money left.  I chuckle because my daughter was 8 when she stated she’d rather keep her teeth than get mom’s, I mean the tooth fairy’s, pocket change.  She was definitely not “wowed” by the letter or the money.  I for one don’t want to start an outrageous tradition and have always written a letter saying the first tooth is a big deal as it marks the day as “growing” out of their baby days and into adulthood.  However, all subsequent teeth will not be compensated the same!:)

Where did this crazy custom begin?  In early Europe it was a tradition to bury baby teeth that fell out. The tradition is still very much alive and well in Ireland and Great Britain, where it is common for young children to believe in the Tooth Fairy. When a child’s sixth tooth falls out, it is customary for the tooth fairy to slip a gift or money under the child’s pillow, but to leave the tooth as a reward for the child growing strong.

Rosemary Wells, a former professor at the Northwestern University Dental School, found evidence that supports the origin of different tooth fairies in the United States around 1900. Folklorist Tad Tuleja suggests postwar affluence, a child-directed family culture, and media turned the myth into a custom.

What do you do to celebrate this custom?  What is your going rate and how was it influenced?  Just curious.

There isn’t a day that goes by that I’m not amazed at the amazing odors that emanate from smelly socks, stinky feet, breath, body odor and the constant need for reminders on good hygiene.

From the time our children were infants, we taught them to brush, regularly bathed them, washed their hair, washed their clothes, brushed their teeth.  Part of teaching our growing children is teaching them proper habits.  I get so frustrated thinking it should be common sense at this age, especially for my tween.  However, it’s a whole different world for them and let’s be honest, they aren’t even aware of odors like we are.

I have had to create a chart for each of my children of what needs to be done…daily!!!  I try to let them be responsible, however, they are quick to say that they don’t care if they skip a step, no one would care.  I do.  Perhaps I  have an overly sensitive olfactory system, but this laissez-fare attitude needs to stop!  Thankfully, in a conversation with a friend, I discovered my children are not alone and neither am I.  Many parents struggle with having their children carry through with hygiene tasks.

Change your strategies.  You want your child to wash her hands for 15 seconds. It’s hard enough to get an adult to do this, let alone a child, so here’s the trick: Ask your child to sing the Happy Birthday song. It takes about seven seconds to sing it, so during the first round they can be scrubbing; during the second they can be rinsing. Also show kids how to lather up correctly. The right technique involves rubbing hands thoroughly on both sides, as well as get in between fingers and rub the tips of fingers.

Tricks and treats can work!  A spokesman for the American Academy of Pediatric Dentistry came up with this strategy when his oldest child was a toddler and began refusing to brush her teeth. What did he and his wife do? They sang and danced in the bathroom, knowing that their daughter would walk by soon. When she did, she asked what they were doing. When they said they were brushing each other’s teeth, she ran away. She came back a few minutes later to find them doing the same thing, and she said she wanted to try that. Dr. Hanna replied: “Oh, you’re too little. You have to be a big person. You can’t do this.” And he closed the door. His daughter then opened the door, and said she wanted to brush too. “So we got her a toothbrush, and she brushed my teeth, and I brushed hers. Then she brushed my wife’s teeth, and my wife brushed mine,” says Dr. Hanna. “The next day, my daughter was fine.”

What are some of your tried and true tips on teaching hygiene?