I must be in a sports mood with this nice weather outside so I’ll talk more this week about the boys and their on field adventures. We are about two weeks into lacrosse season and I am seeing some big changes in Jake. I even see a difference between this and basketball that is just ending for him. Up to this point, sports was still not very serious. He was in the little kid divisions and in some cases, did not even play games. Something has changed this time around.

Lacrosse Clinic Last Fall

I should have known from that first night he put on his lacrosse gear. If I could have taped him strutting back to the car in his helmet and pads you would know what I mean. He just acted different. There was a swagger to his walk like “look at me, I am a lacrosse player.” Last year it was more like ” Wow…I get to hold a stick!” He may only be 8, but he practices with kids ages 8-10 and I think he his stepping up his game. I can see an athlete now where they used to just be a kid running around on the field.

It really hit me after his practice this week. He came back to the car to head home and when I helped him pull his helmet off he was a sweaty mess! I had never seen him like that before after any practice. His response also told me things were no longer the same…..”what mom, I was running…the other kids are like that too.” Funny how moms notice little things like this and they become big moments. I will forever remember that time, by the back of the car, as one of the moments when I realized he is not a little boy anymore.

When did you have a moment like that?

Is there a difference between frenemy, arch nemesis or a bully?  Maybe, maybe not.  All have a long term effect on a child’s life and often into adulthood.  I recently watched You Again.  Funny movie, but the reality of how cruel classmates can be and how long lasting the effects were obvious.  I guess I was lucky and I didn’t have a bully.  I do know they exist and I know they can make life awful.  I worry for my children.  I worry that children are becoming more desensitized to cruelty and meanness.

Why has frenemy, arch nemesis and bully become accepted behavior and commonly accepted words?  Should our kids really have to “toughen” up?  Do we really have to tell our kids, “Don’t let it get to you.”  Is this healthy?  NO!  Every person should be able to feel safe and good about themselves.  Bullying does not have to be accepted as “normal” in growing up.  Does it exist?  Yes.  Is it commonplace?  Perhaps.  What exactly is bullying?

PBS television station wrote the following about the subject:

“Physical bullying means:

• Hitting, kicking, or pushing someone…or even just threatening to do it
• Stealing, hiding or ruining someone’s things
• Making someone do things he or she don’t want to do

Verbal bullying means:

• Name-calling
• Teasing
• Insulting

Relationship bullying means:

• Refusing to talk to someone
• Spreading lies or rumors about someone
• Making someone do things he or she doesn’t want to do

What do all these things have in common? They’re examples of ways one person can make another person feel hurt, afraid, or uncomfortable. When these are done to someone more than once, and usually over and over again for a long period of time, that’s bullying.

The reason why one kid would want to bully another kid is this: when you make someone feel bad, you gain power over him or her. Power makes people feel like they’re better than another person, and then that makes them feel really good about themselves. Power also makes you stand out from the crowd. It’s a way to get attention from other kids, and even from adults.”

Who are bullies?  It can be “friends”, family, classmates, teammates, “the kid who has it all,” taller, shorter, etc.  They all have this in common:  they are people who someone else or something is making them feel inferior so they are picking on someone else to feel important or validated.

How do you deal with bullies?  What do you teach your children about bullies?  Ideas?

We are about to wrap up basketball season and move into lacrosse and tennis. I am glad that Jake and Sam have tried just about every sport they could. I want them to at least experience each one and then decide what they like and what they can live without. To this point we have given a thumbs down to soccer (no fault of the coach , but everything else seems to be fairly fun for them. Luckily, they have had good coaches along the way who have been supportive and great teachers. I think that has made all the difference in the world.

Great coaches care and understand they are working with kids..not adults.

I applaud those who coach, just as I applaud anyone who teaches. For the most part they have had volunteer coaches on base or out in town. The coaches give up their time to help my child learn some new skills and have fun while they do it. Each time the boys have tried something new, they have jumped in knowing nothing. They have often played with kids who have played before and that could go one of two ways. They could feel so far behind and overwhelmed that they never want to try again or they can feel secure, safe and supported and given time to develop on their own time table. Thankfully the latter has been the case each time and they have had a blast trying new sports.

With tennis ramping up, the boys will get some time with their favorite coach and Jake is thriving on the lacrosse field. It is so fun to watch them have fun and get better each week. I wish every child had experiences like this on the court or field…..sports should be fun at this age. After all, if they don’t have fun now and learn the fundamentals, how will they ever make it to the Horseshoe at Ohio State on Saturdays??

GO BUCKEYES!

Have you had great coaches? Any bad ones in the bunch?

I’m so excited!  My daughter recently returned home with a flyer announcing this fantastic program being offered through her school!  It’s called, Girls on the Run!  Check out their website, philosophy, vision and plan!  It’s definitely an attitude of CAN that I want my own daughter to embrace.  The problem…my daughter hates to run!  I’m not surprised, my husband doesn’t prefer it either, I, however, love it!

Dilemma…my husband and I both think this is a fabulous opportunity for her.  Not only for skills, friendships, teamwork, but for self esteem. The program in not just about running.  It is goal oriented.  It is work oriented.  It is people oriented.  It is self awareness oriented and it is about a can do attitude. I often have found myself telling my kids that “can’t” isn’t in their vocabulary, that I think they can.  However, it is mind over body sometimes.  Just like the Little Engine that could.

From their website, they state this about their program:  “Girls on the Run® is a 501(c)3 positive youth development program which combines an interactive curriculum and running to inspire self-respect and healthy lifestyles in pre-teen girls. Our core curriculum addresses many aspects of girls’ development – their physical, emotional, mental and social well-being. Lessons provide girls with the tools to make positive decisions and to avoid risky adolescent behaviors.”
Vision

• To provide life-changing, high quality programs for girls
• To provide life-changing and high quality experiences to the women developing and delivering the programs
• To promote and provide an environment that allows girls and women to reach their full potential
• To positively transform how girls and women perceive themselves and their place in society

Editor’s note: Onslow is a proud community partner of Girls on the Run and recently sponsored one of the 5K events. For more information about GOTR, visit their website.

Is this program being offered at other local schools?  What do you think?  For it or against it?

Which way will we go??

From some previous posts (like this one) you may know that we are in limbo at the moment. My husband’s career could go a couple of different ways and this means we are not sure what our plans are for this summer. We could move to another state, stay put one more year or move overseas (new option I learned of this past week! ). With so much up in the air I sometimes wonder how much the boys really need to know at this point. Do they need to be in the loop or should we just fill them in when we have a firm decision?

It was so much easier when they were little. We moved and they could have cared less! By the time Jake was 4 he had already lived in three states and four houses. It made no difference to them where were were or how often we moved. As long as they had mom with them (and dad when he was stateside), things were OK and stable in their eyes. Now it is different. They are school age and no matter where we go, they will make a big transition to a new school next fall. I know how stressed out I am about all of this and I just feel like maybe keeping them in the dark another month or two won’t hurt.

The truth is, they don’t have a say in what happens so I suppose they might as well just be told the final course of action. I am not even sure they could wrap their heads around all of our options and choices at this point. My biggest concern is that I keep my cool and don’t become too stressed around them at this point. They know daddy has an interview this week and that is about it. I think I’ll keep it that way for now.

Did you ever keep things like this from your kids to lessen their stress?