Last week celebrated another report card.  It also marked an early spring as Phil did not see his shadow! In my books, there is plenty to celebrate! We do not pay our children for grades. We do not pay them for chores.  However, we do like to do spontaneous celebrations of them. This includes theme nights, favorite foods, family fun, favorite game, etc. The best part about it….you never know when Mom is going to surprise you with a celebration, hence, our family motto, every day’s a party!

Celebrating doesn’t take a lot of preparation, money or decor. It takes good ole’ fashion time. I’m realizing how much my children have come to value that time with family. They value the surprises and celebrations. It encourages us to be our best self. It encourages cooperation, teamwork and being each other’s cheerleaders. Family is a reason to celebrate in itself. Perhaps I’m getting old and more sentimental, but I look at my almost 11 year old and I realize that she has less time at home now than not. I look at my younger two and realize that time is too precious to waste wishing I would have. It’s time to do. Do the things I think about and not have regrets.

As we looked at the comments about our children on their report cards, of course we were proud at their grades, but more importantly we are proud about the great people they are becoming. That is reason to celebrate!

My boys favorites is good ole’ hamburgers.  My daughters favorites is anything fancy.  So, last week called for fancy drinks, “restaurant-style” serving and a family meal of conversation and praise. There are so many ways we can celebrate each other, but what is important is that we do it. Don’t take accomplishments for granted. Make sure you are equal or at least equally showing each person you care and love them. I love to watch my 19 month as she gets celebrated for helping to set the table….is it perfect, NO. However, when she gets thanked and acknowledged, there is nothing cuter than her clapping for herself.

How do you celebrate hard work and accomplishments in your home?

This past week, 74 4th & 5th grade students from throughout the county represented 11 schools in Onslow County Science Fair.  These children represented their schools and competed for a chance to go to regional and state.  For an hour and a half they were asked questions and interviewed to see what they learned.  My daughter and her friend were the fourth grade representatives.  What would normally cause me stress, seemed to roll right off my daughter. I suggested dressing up, she said no. I suggested practicing, she said no. I suggested I be quiet, and I said Yes. (because what do mothers really know)

As I watched and observed I saw a gamut of parents.  Some accessing the other projects and comparing.  (the competitive ones)  Some were obviously annoyed at their children for not being more vocal (ones that didn’t particularly think their child should be there). Some just happily watching their child from a distance as they excitedly shared what they learned (parents who have allowed the learning to happen naturally). I wondered where I fit in.  Sure I was excited that my daughter had been selected, but I also know her true feelings.  She was happy, but really did not want to go on to the next level.  So, I watched and chalked this all up for experience.

My daughter learned that first impressions do matter. Dress for success. She learned that the more participatory the project, the more interest people showed. She learned that public speaking isn’t as easy as looks when it comes to eye contact, not stammering and knowing your facts. She learned the more you learn the more you know and the easier it is to talk about something. I think she also learned about passion. There were some projects that other kids were passionate about. They truly had picked a subject they were interested in. So, my daughter did her best. She learned and actually sighed louder than I thought she would when the winners were announced and the relief came knowing that she was not going to regional.

What kind of parent are you?  How would you have acted in a competitive environment like this?

Every mom’s dilemma…what to buy as birthday gifts for tweens.  We live in a world where are kids are blessed with not only homes, food, clothes, but also a plethora of “stuff.”  So, what do you get for all the birthday parties that our kids are invited to?  My daughter recently remarked that she was the only person to have brought a gift, everyone else brought cards and cash.  I asked if she felt badly that we hadn’t done the same, it would be easier, right?  She told me that she liked giving a present to open.

So, how much do you spend?  I searched high and low on blogs, mom boards, etc.  The most sage advice I read was $1 per year the child is turning in combination with how well you know the child.  I also saw that people suggested craft kits or something you can make since you can never have too many rainy day craft kits.  With the amount of parties we are invited to, another suggestion was teaming up with another mom and buying a gift together for your kids to give the birthday child.

Being a mother of 2 school aged children, we have had 5 parties already this month.  This is in addition to family birthdays.  With the economy, why not give a coupon for a play date.  Then use the money you would have spent when it is redeemed to take your kids and their friends to a movie, or on an outing.  Hit the clearance and stock up after Christmas, is a great time to get craft kits, toys, games, etc. at a very discounted rate and it will save you the mad rush to go get a present. (which usually makes us late for the party any way.:))

I also believe you shouldn’t feel like you have to go to every party your child is invited to.  We usually leave it up to our child if they would like to go.  Then it depends on where the party is and how well we know them if it is at someone’s house.  We have established a “safety” with sending our child with a cell phone to call if they become uncomfortable or want to leave early.  We have already established a no sleepover policy so that has eliminated some of those “parent” issues we may face.

How do you handle birthday parties and presents with your tweens?

Siblings are just siblings, right?  Well, this weekend I realized why it’s so hard when some siblings have play dates and others don’t have them at the same time.  My children consider themselves not just siblings but friends. As my son told me this weekend, “I love sissy, I know she gets mad at me when her friends are over, but I just want to be with her and her friends are nice to me.” Boy, was that insightful and revealing.  My tween was completely annoyed with her brother because she had a play date and he kept trying to join in the fun.  In his 5 year old mind he was just doing what he always did, playing with his sister.  So, I took my son out to get doughnuts for everyone so she could have uninterrupted time with her friend.

My son discovered my true intentions and even asked why his sister didn’t like him anymore.  I explained that she loves him, but she also needs her space.  It is hard to see her playing with someone else when that is usually what he gets to do.  I felt badly that I hadn’t planned better so he too could have a play date over, although that could’ve meant two boys teasing two tweens   However, I also believe my children need to learn to compromise and realize that life is not always fair. (Harsh I know, but reality.) I think kids need to learn how to behave in all situations and learn to respect each other and their own individual space.

I wondered why it is so easy for others the same age as my children to treat their friend’s siblings nicer than their own.  Is it because they understand it is temporary?  When you don’t live with another person you don’t know everything about them, so you aren’t as irritated as the one who does know what they can be like.  Siblings know each other’s “magic buttons” to push.  Siblings can be hurtful to each other and rebound faster than friends.  Siblings see you through the worse and the best and still love you.  Friends don’t always give you that understanding or forgiveness.

As a parent I did talk with my tween about her behavior.  When she realized why her brother behaved “worse” than normal she calmed down a bit and could see the situation differently.  Sometimes we need to facilitate hard conversations as parents.  Sometimes we also need to teach our children these social issues and remind them to be kind to their siblings.

What do you do to avoid sibling/friend confrontations with your tweens?

I always enjoy watching my tween interact with other kids.  I find it interesting  how easy it is for my tween to bond with ANYONE who likes to play sports.  It is like an automatic friendship if they want to toss the football with him.  What about him having fun with tweens who would prefer not to play sports all day?  I recently learned a good lesson about this.

Lincoln has a darling neighbor friend we spend a lot of time with playing in the backyard.  These two have always been friends, but playing sports is not the center of their friendship.

For Christmas, we got Lincoln a few Transformers. He has always loved Transformers but isn’t the best about playing by himself.  This cute neighbor friend of his, LOVES Transformers.  All of a sudden, we found these two playing Transformers together non-stop!!  They had found the thing they loved to do together!  It was like watching magic…instead of playing separately, they were so into playing with their Transformers and hours of play passed by!!

As a parent, that was a really fun thing to watch.  Different people bring out different sides of who we are.  Lincoln isn’t the best at imaginary play, but add a great little neighbor friend and he is in another little imaginary world!!

Thank you sweet neighbor boy for teaching Lincoln another aspect of fun!!  Thank you Transformers for creating such fun toys and imaginary play for our kids!!

What are some activities your child has started to like because of a friend?