Is there a difference between frenemy, arch nemesis or a bully?  Maybe, maybe not.  All have a long term effect on a child’s life and often into adulthood.  I recently watched You Again.  Funny movie, but the reality of how cruel classmates can be and how long lasting the effects were obvious.  I guess I was lucky and I didn’t have a bully.  I do know they exist and I know they can make life awful.  I worry for my children.  I worry that children are becoming more desensitized to cruelty and meanness.

Why has frenemy, arch nemesis and bully become accepted behavior and commonly accepted words?  Should our kids really have to “toughen” up?  Do we really have to tell our kids, “Don’t let it get to you.”  Is this healthy?  NO!  Every person should be able to feel safe and good about themselves.  Bullying does not have to be accepted as “normal” in growing up.  Does it exist?  Yes.  Is it commonplace?  Perhaps.  What exactly is bullying?

PBS television station wrote the following about the subject:

“Physical bullying means:

• Hitting, kicking, or pushing someone…or even just threatening to do it
• Stealing, hiding or ruining someone’s things
• Making someone do things he or she don’t want to do

Verbal bullying means:

• Name-calling
• Teasing
• Insulting

Relationship bullying means:

• Refusing to talk to someone
• Spreading lies or rumors about someone
• Making someone do things he or she doesn’t want to do

What do all these things have in common? They’re examples of ways one person can make another person feel hurt, afraid, or uncomfortable. When these are done to someone more than once, and usually over and over again for a long period of time, that’s bullying.

The reason why one kid would want to bully another kid is this: when you make someone feel bad, you gain power over him or her. Power makes people feel like they’re better than another person, and then that makes them feel really good about themselves. Power also makes you stand out from the crowd. It’s a way to get attention from other kids, and even from adults.”

Who are bullies?  It can be “friends”, family, classmates, teammates, “the kid who has it all,” taller, shorter, etc.  They all have this in common:  they are people who someone else or something is making them feel inferior so they are picking on someone else to feel important or validated.

How do you deal with bullies?  What do you teach your children about bullies?  Ideas?

Which way will we go??

From some previous posts (like this one) you may know that we are in limbo at the moment. My husband’s career could go a couple of different ways and this means we are not sure what our plans are for this summer. We could move to another state, stay put one more year or move overseas (new option I learned of this past week! ). With so much up in the air I sometimes wonder how much the boys really need to know at this point. Do they need to be in the loop or should we just fill them in when we have a firm decision?

It was so much easier when they were little. We moved and they could have cared less! By the time Jake was 4 he had already lived in three states and four houses. It made no difference to them where were were or how often we moved. As long as they had mom with them (and dad when he was stateside), things were OK and stable in their eyes. Now it is different. They are school age and no matter where we go, they will make a big transition to a new school next fall. I know how stressed out I am about all of this and I just feel like maybe keeping them in the dark another month or two won’t hurt.

The truth is, they don’t have a say in what happens so I suppose they might as well just be told the final course of action. I am not even sure they could wrap their heads around all of our options and choices at this point. My biggest concern is that I keep my cool and don’t become too stressed around them at this point. They know daddy has an interview this week and that is about it. I think I’ll keep it that way for now.

Did you ever keep things like this from your kids to lessen their stress?

I recently had to go in for a sleep study.  Mainly to rule out some health issues.  Although I hesitated at the thought because, really, do moms ever feel completely rested?!  I thought motherhood is synonymous with fatigue.  I mean sleep has become highly overrated.  It’s not like it was what I remembered it.  During sleep studies they also ask questions about my children and what type of sleepers they are.  Honestly, none of us sleep well.  I have a family of snorers, sleep talkers and walkers.

I recently read an article that stated 60% of American children don’t get enough sleep.  Another study cited cellphones, Facebook, and video games were to blame.  Our elementary age children need 9-12 hours of sleep.  Experts say that sleep deprivation at any age can impair metabolism, immune functions, and motor skills, increase stress hormones, and cripple sugar metabolism.

So, maybe my lack of sleep accounts for my few extra pounds, poor health, high stress level and slow responses.  To think I attributed that to my age and motherhood.     I guess the answer is simple….my family all needs more sleep.  Sleep is important and I need to ensure we have good sleep habits, cause if “momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!”

Signs of sleep deprivation:

* Can’t fall asleep within 15-20 minutes of going to bed

* Has a hard time waking in the morning

* Has trouble remaining alert and active during the daytime

Establishing good sleep habits is imperative for the healthy development of children. The National Heart, Lung, Blood Institute offers the following tips for parents to help get their kids to bed:

• Set a regular time for bed each night and stick to it.
• Establish a relaxing bedtime routine, such as giving your child a warm bath or reading him or her a story.
• Avoid giving children a big meal close to bedtime, and no caffeine within six hours of sleep.
• Make after-dinner playtime relaxing; too much exercise close to bedtime can keep children awake.
• Keep the noise level down and the bedroom dark. If some light is necessary, use a small nightlight.

Do you get enough sleep your body needs?  How about your children?  Any tips to get higher rate sleep?

I have posted earlier about my husband and his quest to join the FBI. I have talked about how it has been 10 months since phase I and just now he is on to phase II. It is all a very complicated and time consuming mess to me, but I know he wants it badly so we are working through it. The problem is, with all of this waiting, comes uncertainty and we don’t know where we will be living next fall.

Mind you, if we were young and/or childless it would not be a big deal. We could go with the flow and pick up and move anytime. Of course, that is not our situation. Jake and Sam are transitioning to public school next year. Wherever they start school is where we want them to stay for the year. What worries us is that the way things have gone so far with this process, we may have to be apart for all or part of the year to make this happen. The worst part is we have no way of knowing when we’ll be able to make any kind of decision. Can someone say STRESS?

All of this limbo has also meant I needed to tell my boss that she can’t count on me to return to St Annes as a teacher next year. I can’t tell her yes and they leave her hanging in August if something should happen and we had to move suddenly. Thankfully Jake and Sam are too young to care too much about the details of all of this, but I know they are counting on us to make sure they have stability next school year. That is out #1 goal…..I just hope we can make it happen.

Is anyone else in limbo right now? It is PCS season soon…..are you worried about a possible move and how it will affect your kids?

About this time, for the past two years, I have been filling out school registration paperwork. St Annes opens registration to all current students February 28th. By now I would have all of my forms filled out and checks written to get the boys set for next year. This year is different. The boys will be moving to public school next year and it feels very strange to not be part of the rush to get things in and get two spots.

Jake and Sam can’t stay at St Annes because they would be in the same classroom. Since the school is so small, the 2nd/3rd grade room is a combo room with one teacher. Jake will be in 3rd grade next year and Sam will be in 2nd. I don’t think it would work well to have them together all the time at home AND school so we will be enrolling them in Onslow County Schools. I know some parents would keep them at St Annes if they were in the same situation but it just does not sit right with me.

It will be very new for the boys next year (and me) to go from a class sizes of 10-12 to more like 25, but it is something we need to do. Their days will be longer, the campus much bigger and it won’t feel the same, but I know they will be just fine. Even knowing that, it makes me a little sad to hear all of the other moms at St Annes talk about signing up. To top it off, I will most likely not be teaching there next year either (time to explain that in another post:)). It will be a year of adjustments for all of us, but it is an exciting time too. We’ll see how it goes…..

Did you ever transition from one type of school to another? How did it go?