Is there a difference between frenemy, arch nemesis or a bully?  Maybe, maybe not.  All have a long term effect on a child’s life and often into adulthood.  I recently watched You Again.  Funny movie, but the reality of how cruel classmates can be and how long lasting the effects were obvious.  I guess I was lucky and I didn’t have a bully.  I do know they exist and I know they can make life awful.  I worry for my children.  I worry that children are becoming more desensitized to cruelty and meanness.

Why has frenemy, arch nemesis and bully become accepted behavior and commonly accepted words?  Should our kids really have to “toughen” up?  Do we really have to tell our kids, “Don’t let it get to you.”  Is this healthy?  NO!  Every person should be able to feel safe and good about themselves.  Bullying does not have to be accepted as “normal” in growing up.  Does it exist?  Yes.  Is it commonplace?  Perhaps.  What exactly is bullying?

PBS television station wrote the following about the subject:

“Physical bullying means:

• Hitting, kicking, or pushing someone…or even just threatening to do it
• Stealing, hiding or ruining someone’s things
• Making someone do things he or she don’t want to do

Verbal bullying means:

• Name-calling
• Teasing
• Insulting

Relationship bullying means:

• Refusing to talk to someone
• Spreading lies or rumors about someone
• Making someone do things he or she doesn’t want to do

What do all these things have in common? They’re examples of ways one person can make another person feel hurt, afraid, or uncomfortable. When these are done to someone more than once, and usually over and over again for a long period of time, that’s bullying.

The reason why one kid would want to bully another kid is this: when you make someone feel bad, you gain power over him or her. Power makes people feel like they’re better than another person, and then that makes them feel really good about themselves. Power also makes you stand out from the crowd. It’s a way to get attention from other kids, and even from adults.”

Who are bullies?  It can be “friends”, family, classmates, teammates, “the kid who has it all,” taller, shorter, etc.  They all have this in common:  they are people who someone else or something is making them feel inferior so they are picking on someone else to feel important or validated.

How do you deal with bullies?  What do you teach your children about bullies?  Ideas?

I’m so excited!  My daughter recently returned home with a flyer announcing this fantastic program being offered through her school!  It’s called, Girls on the Run!  Check out their website, philosophy, vision and plan!  It’s definitely an attitude of CAN that I want my own daughter to embrace.  The problem…my daughter hates to run!  I’m not surprised, my husband doesn’t prefer it either, I, however, love it!

Dilemma…my husband and I both think this is a fabulous opportunity for her.  Not only for skills, friendships, teamwork, but for self esteem. The program in not just about running.  It is goal oriented.  It is work oriented.  It is people oriented.  It is self awareness oriented and it is about a can do attitude. I often have found myself telling my kids that “can’t” isn’t in their vocabulary, that I think they can.  However, it is mind over body sometimes.  Just like the Little Engine that could.

From their website, they state this about their program:  “Girls on the Run® is a 501(c)3 positive youth development program which combines an interactive curriculum and running to inspire self-respect and healthy lifestyles in pre-teen girls. Our core curriculum addresses many aspects of girls’ development – their physical, emotional, mental and social well-being. Lessons provide girls with the tools to make positive decisions and to avoid risky adolescent behaviors.”
Vision

• To provide life-changing, high quality programs for girls
• To provide life-changing and high quality experiences to the women developing and delivering the programs
• To promote and provide an environment that allows girls and women to reach their full potential
• To positively transform how girls and women perceive themselves and their place in society

Editor’s note: Onslow is a proud community partner of Girls on the Run and recently sponsored one of the 5K events. For more information about GOTR, visit their website.

Is this program being offered at other local schools?  What do you think?  For it or against it?

What is the going rate for the tooth fairy?  What happened to the ole’ quarter and being happy and excited?!  Things have changed as children understand the concept of money, competition and freely discuss all of the above with fellow schoolmates.  My son recently lost his first tooth and the second is on the brink.  He made sure to let me know that the tooth fairy was supposed to come and leave at least a $1.  Hmmm… children with demands.

As I polled other parents I got a variety of answers to how they make traditions and compensate for this monumental occasion.  Let’s face it, we all remember how hard our kids worked to “cut” their first teeth.  We all know the pain of teeth.  We should be compensated, right?!  I realized my son was more “wowed” by the letter he received from the tooth fairy than the money left.  I chuckle because my daughter was 8 when she stated she’d rather keep her teeth than get mom’s, I mean the tooth fairy’s, pocket change.  She was definitely not “wowed” by the letter or the money.  I for one don’t want to start an outrageous tradition and have always written a letter saying the first tooth is a big deal as it marks the day as “growing” out of their baby days and into adulthood.  However, all subsequent teeth will not be compensated the same!:)

Where did this crazy custom begin?  In early Europe it was a tradition to bury baby teeth that fell out. The tradition is still very much alive and well in Ireland and Great Britain, where it is common for young children to believe in the Tooth Fairy. When a child’s sixth tooth falls out, it is customary for the tooth fairy to slip a gift or money under the child’s pillow, but to leave the tooth as a reward for the child growing strong.

Rosemary Wells, a former professor at the Northwestern University Dental School, found evidence that supports the origin of different tooth fairies in the United States around 1900. Folklorist Tad Tuleja suggests postwar affluence, a child-directed family culture, and media turned the myth into a custom.

What do you do to celebrate this custom?  What is your going rate and how was it influenced?  Just curious.

I recently had to go in for a sleep study.  Mainly to rule out some health issues.  Although I hesitated at the thought because, really, do moms ever feel completely rested?!  I thought motherhood is synonymous with fatigue.  I mean sleep has become highly overrated.  It’s not like it was what I remembered it.  During sleep studies they also ask questions about my children and what type of sleepers they are.  Honestly, none of us sleep well.  I have a family of snorers, sleep talkers and walkers.

I recently read an article that stated 60% of American children don’t get enough sleep.  Another study cited cellphones, Facebook, and video games were to blame.  Our elementary age children need 9-12 hours of sleep.  Experts say that sleep deprivation at any age can impair metabolism, immune functions, and motor skills, increase stress hormones, and cripple sugar metabolism.

So, maybe my lack of sleep accounts for my few extra pounds, poor health, high stress level and slow responses.  To think I attributed that to my age and motherhood.     I guess the answer is simple….my family all needs more sleep.  Sleep is important and I need to ensure we have good sleep habits, cause if “momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!”

Signs of sleep deprivation:

* Can’t fall asleep within 15-20 minutes of going to bed

* Has a hard time waking in the morning

* Has trouble remaining alert and active during the daytime

Establishing good sleep habits is imperative for the healthy development of children. The National Heart, Lung, Blood Institute offers the following tips for parents to help get their kids to bed:

• Set a regular time for bed each night and stick to it.
• Establish a relaxing bedtime routine, such as giving your child a warm bath or reading him or her a story.
• Avoid giving children a big meal close to bedtime, and no caffeine within six hours of sleep.
• Make after-dinner playtime relaxing; too much exercise close to bedtime can keep children awake.
• Keep the noise level down and the bedroom dark. If some light is necessary, use a small nightlight.

Do you get enough sleep your body needs?  How about your children?  Any tips to get higher rate sleep?

Good news!  A long-standing concern among parents and researchers has been that young people who are exposed to violent video games may become desensitized to violent acts and images, but a new study suggests that may not be the case.

Canadian researchers comparing gamers to non-gamers found that in the long run, gamers were just as likely to recall negative images in memory tests and to report the same levels of emotion in reaction to the pictures as the non-gamers.

“People who play video games didn’t differ in memory, and physical arousal wasn’t different between gamers and non-gamers. And there was no difference in how each group felt after seeing negative or violent pictures,” said study author Holly Bowen, a doctoral candidate in the department of psychology at Ryerson University in Toronto.

The findings were published in the January issue of Applied Cognitive Psychology.

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