These past few weeks reminded me how easily Jake can get stressed out. With Hurricane Earl on the news every other minute, it was all he could do to pull himself away from the TV and relax. He grew visibly more upset with each update and warning. Thankfully it was all for nothing and we only had to suffer through light showers, but seeing him in the days leading up to that “non event” reminded me how he can worry more than a 7 year old should.

I first noticed his issues with stress when he started kindergarten. I was asked to allow the school to switch his teacher in mid/late October and I agreed. It was one of the biggest mistakes I have ever made. He went from a structured classroom to one with no limits and chaos. At 6, he was not able to understand why I was telling him to follow rules and be a good boy in class while all of these other kids were being allowed to do the opposite. Combine that with the size of the school, the older kids, the bus ride and he was one sad and stressed little boy.

After weeks coming home with nails bitten until they bled and seeing his sad face in that bus window, we made the move to his current school. We found a solution in that particular case for his worrying ways, but after this week it is clear that it is a part of his personality he (and I) will have to deal with for years to come.

Any tips to easy anxiety in a Tween?

It seems that the majority of posts here on Mom Talk are about going back to school.  I think it is on all of our minds.  We are busy preparing paperwork, school clothes, backpacks, lunch boxes AND our tweens.  I am feeling a little overwhelmed with it all.  This summer was so fun and full of lots of great memories.  Is it really over??!!  I for one am not ready…life has been so busy that I feel behind in the race to get my tween ready for school.  I feel like we are still running OR maybe it is the fact that I am secretly dreading it!  Or, maybe I am going to miss hanging out with my kids and spending days at the beach and traveling together.  On the flip side, I am ready for a little normalcy, a little quiet time, a little organization and a SCHEDULE!!  The start of school is really a double edged sword for me.

To put my anxiety to rest a bit, here is a list of the things that must be done before school starts;

-  Purchase comfortable tennis shoes and socks for both kids.  I love cute clothes, but I want them to be comfortable at school.

-  Purchase new backpacks and lunch boxes for both children.

-  Purchase food that both kids will like in their lunches.  Let them be a part of that process.

-  Be sure all the school registration and paperwork are complete.

- Take an inventory of their closets and see what additional clothing they both need.  Especially, a good comfy zip up sweatshirt they can throw in their backpack to wear if they get chilly.

Ahhhh…my heart is breaking even writing this list….I’m not ready for this!!!!

Are you all ready for back to school?  What else do you have yet to do before the big day?

Regular TweenBeat contributor Kristen wrote yesterday about her tween’s struggle with fear and how as a mom she’s often torn between pushing her tween to overcome certain phobias, or letting her tween work through them on her own.  Below is some more information on the three primary types of phobias (defined as an intense fear reaction to an object or situation that poses little or no real threat), along with some information to help keep fear at bay.

Three Primary Types

Such overwhelming, excessive fear can take three forms: specific phobias, social phobia (also called social anxiety disorder), and agoraphobia.

Specific phobias are common, affecting some 19 million American adults. They involve intense fear of a particular object, place, or situation. Common examples include the fear of dogs, insects, heights, elevators, water, thunder, tunnels, highway driving, flying, dental procedures, or the sight of blood. Specific phobias usually start in childhood or adolescence and tend to last into adulthood. They are twice as common in women as in men.

Social phobia is also common, affecting about 15 million American adults. It involves a fear of embarrassing oneself or being judged by others. It’s not unusual to feel a bit nervous before giving a presentation or meeting an important client. But people with social phobia may worry for weeks in advance. They may avoid the dreaded situation, often limiting their work, school, or social activities. Or they may face it at great emotional cost, often accompanied by physical symptoms such as blushing, sweating, trembling, nausea, or difficulty talking.

Agoraphobia occurs in people who have panic attacks-sudden waves of terror that occur out of the blue and cause physical symptoms such as a pounding heart, sweating, faintness, dizziness, nausea, chest pain, or a smothering sensation. People often fear that these symptoms are signs of an impending catastrophe, such as having a heart attack or losing their mind. Since they can’t predict when or where attacks will occur, they live in dread of the next one and may start to avoid the sites of past episodes. Those with agoraphobia avoid public places, such as malls or public transportation, from which immediate escape would be difficult in the event of a panic attack. As their comfort zone grows ever smaller, some become virtually housebound

Fend Off the Fear

Stress management strategies can help keep fear and anxiety at bay. If you’re receiving professional treatment, they also may enhance its effects. Make time in your busy day for relaxing activities, such as meditation, reading, yoga, or simply soaking in the tub. Talk about problems with supportive family and friends, rather than keeping them bottled up inside. And be sure to get regular exercise-another great way to both reduce stress and help ease anxiety.

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As I mentioned in part one, my husband has finally deployed.  Since the girls are older this time, all of us are facing new, and sometimes difficult challenges when it comes to coping with the separation.  Mainly, it boils down to Jon not wanting to upset the girls when he calls. 

Jon knows that when he calls, the girls get upset.  It makes him feel absolutely horrible.  I can understand where he’s coming from on this one.  However, I know how a little kid’s mind works.  They don’t quite rationalize things the way he and I do.  I’d rather have them be upset because they miss him, than be upset because they think dad doesn’t want to talk to them (or something along those same lines.)  The bottom line is that I want him to stay as involved as he possibly can. 

I know this isn’t easy for him.  He has to get into a specific mind set and has a completely different life while he’s over there.  The heartache and homesickness doesn’t help either.  However, I think I’ve come up with a few ideas to keep both sides happy.  The girls and I have started sitting down and writing letters to him.  They tell me what they want to say and I write it, then they sign. 

I am also going to start sending some of their school worksheets with the letters.  That way he knows what they’re doing in school and can see how they are progressing.  They also have the opportunity to showcase the different things they’ve done.  I think it’s a pretty win-win situation. 

How do you keep your kids close to dad while he’s gone, without making it heart wrenching for dad or kids?  Please share because I’d love to hear your tips and wisdom!

With most blended families sharing children over the holiday season, sometimes separation anxiety can arise in children.

The prospect of new experiences away from their parents or other loved ones can be quite frightening for children. The complaint of an upset stomach, headache, or some other ailment the night before or the morning of the day of the event is probably the most classic sign of apprehension. These worries are a normal part of development for all children, and your child can be expected to exhibit similar symptoms to a certain degree.

Anxiety can occur whenever you anticipate some sort of separation from the parents or other loved ones – say, a sleepover at a friend’s house, or a parent’s business trip. Symptoms can range from mild uneasiness to full-blown panic attacks. Your child may express fears that something bad, such as an accident or kidnapping, will befall the parent or him or herself. In addition, clingy behavior, pleading, and tantrums are common just before the separation is about to occur. Other possible symptoms of separation anxiety are nightmares, the refusal to sleep alone, and the need for frequent reassurance that everything is OK.

Supportive, yet firm

The best way to deal with your child’s fears is to be supportive, yet firm in enforcing the separation. One thing you could say is “I think you’re feeling nervous.  Tell me what you’re worried about.” Of course, you may discover that the problems causing the anxiety are real.  These problems may range from relatively easy to very difficult to solve. You should address the problem as soon as you learn about it and work toward resolution.

Don’t give in to arguments or tantrums; your child will soon see how that fear is easily exaggerated. Most cases of school separation anxiety are resolved fairly quickly. Children who are more likely to be anxious may have other problems, both current and in later life. Sometimes separation anxiety is a reaction to a recent disruptive event such as the illness or death of a family member or friend, divorce or remarriage, or moving to a new city. Children whose families have histories of panic disorder, phobias, depression or alcoholism may also be more prone to separation anxiety. Parents should contact a pediatrician or child psychiatrist for further assistance if the behavior lasts more than a few days or if the symptoms seem excessive or severe.

To read our treasure trove of medical advice, visit OHealthy.

How are you keeping your child’s anxieties at bay this holiday season? Click on the box below.