I posted last week about my oldest, Jake, and his new found Tweendom. He has been pushing his limits lately with a lot of talking back and too much arguing for his own good. It has been a really rough week, but I am hopeful that he is starting to see the light and that soon we can get back on better terms.

I took some time this weekend to spend one on one with Jake. I felt like we really needed it after constant time outs, too much yelling and a general depressing mood around the house. We were in a funk and I wanted to get out of it as quickly as I could. After a couple of hours together with pleasant conversation I feel re-energized and like we may have turned a page….maybe.

I am not naive…I know that Jake is only 7 and this is all part of growing up. I also know that this past week was no fun and I would prefer if we did not string together that many days in a row again of discipline problems. My game plan is

• Give him a warning each time he starts to talk back….a “why don’ t you try that again” moment
• If he persists, he is disciplined with a time out or something taken away..I don’t ever want to let it slide
• Catch him being good…if he stops himself from being argumentative I need to recognize that..it is so important that they are cat being good sometimes
• Spend one on one time with him each day..even if only 10 minutes
• Do all I can to explain things to him and remind him how much I love him

We’ll see how my plan works To Be Continued……

We all experience it at one time or another: the eye roll, heavy sigh, or hands on the hips.  It can even be a knock down, drag out arguement with the kids.  Aaaah yes, the signs of struggling independence, a.k.a attitude.  As a parent, it’s easy to get mad, overreact, or even just ignore it.  But before we’re able to deal with attitude we have to understand where it comes from. 

The following video is very informative and addresses why tweens have attitude.  You can watch it by clicking here.

For me, this video shined some light on the social aspect of attitude.  Today our kids are pressured to act much older than they really are.  It’s not like being a kid is easy to begin with, throw in media and peer pressure and you have a recipe for a bad attitude.  I think one of the first things that we, as parents, can do to stifle this pressure is to communicate with our children.  Let them know what we expect and what is acceptable.  This way we can instill our values, which may serve as a guide for their decision making.

Another important way to help your children is to be involved, such as volunteer at their school, go to their sporting events, and do things with them.  All of these activities provide additional opportunities for communication and possibly communicating your family values.  Parents who are involved are also more apt to know what’s going on in their child’s life.  You can’t deal with problems that you don’t know about. 

A certain amount of attitude is normal; I did it, you did it, we all did.  It’s part of becoming a healthy young adult.  We know that being a tween or teen today is challenging and parents have to be there to help children face those challenges and make the right decisions.  We can do this by being involved, communicating our values, and just talking to our kids. 

How do you deal with the social pressure put on your children?  How do you handle attitude? Please share below in the comment field.

Well honestly, I’ve about had it.  If one more little girl rolls their little eyes at me, I might just have to be committed.  It all started today as I was trying to get out of the house to drop off the trash bill and hit the grocery store.  I asked the girls to get dressed and tidy up (I absolutely hate coming home to a mess).  In the meantime, I hopped in the shower, threw in some laundry, and completed some other odds and ends.  I was ready to roll; they were still in their pajamas.  I again asked them to pick up and get dressed (as of course neither had been done, I must just love to hear myself speak).  Then they did it: the eye roll. 

Considering the week I had, I flipped.  I cleaned up my way; with a trash bag containing their toys.  It is now in the garage and will stay there for awhile.  Perhaps this was an overreaction, but magically, they got the point.  So now that I’ve let my blood pressure go down, I looked into it.  The University of Alabama says this is normal (University of Alabama, 2009).  They went on to add that this attitude is often a reaction to stress; well my husband deployed this week and while they’re not showing it, I’m quite sure they’re feeling it.  This could be a possible cause.  However, according to professionals, it is to be expected.  Kids are realizing that they’re independent little human beings during the tween years (great, seem like we have quite a few eye rolls to look forward to!) 

So now that I know it’s kinda normal, what do I do?  I’m going to set solid boundaries.  If you don’t clean up, and I have to ask you about six million times, I’m taking the Wii (or Barbie, or whatever is their most cherished possession at the moment.)  I’m sure this will lead to additional conflicts.  I’m hoping that this will, in time, cause the attitudinal behavior to fade.  I’m also going to let them know that I’m there for them.  No matter what, they can talk to me; I will always be available. 

How do you deal with your tween’s attitude?  Please share your thoughts, experience, tips, or tricks!