Is there a difference between frenemy, arch nemesis or a bully?  Maybe, maybe not.  All have a long term effect on a child’s life and often into adulthood.  I recently watched You Again.  Funny movie, but the reality of how cruel classmates can be and how long lasting the effects were obvious.  I guess I was lucky and I didn’t have a bully.  I do know they exist and I know they can make life awful.  I worry for my children.  I worry that children are becoming more desensitized to cruelty and meanness.

Why has frenemy, arch nemesis and bully become accepted behavior and commonly accepted words?  Should our kids really have to “toughen” up?  Do we really have to tell our kids, “Don’t let it get to you.”  Is this healthy?  NO!  Every person should be able to feel safe and good about themselves.  Bullying does not have to be accepted as “normal” in growing up.  Does it exist?  Yes.  Is it commonplace?  Perhaps.  What exactly is bullying?

PBS television station wrote the following about the subject:

“Physical bullying means:

• Hitting, kicking, or pushing someone…or even just threatening to do it
• Stealing, hiding or ruining someone’s things
• Making someone do things he or she don’t want to do

Verbal bullying means:

• Name-calling
• Teasing
• Insulting

Relationship bullying means:

• Refusing to talk to someone
• Spreading lies or rumors about someone
• Making someone do things he or she doesn’t want to do

What do all these things have in common? They’re examples of ways one person can make another person feel hurt, afraid, or uncomfortable. When these are done to someone more than once, and usually over and over again for a long period of time, that’s bullying.

The reason why one kid would want to bully another kid is this: when you make someone feel bad, you gain power over him or her. Power makes people feel like they’re better than another person, and then that makes them feel really good about themselves. Power also makes you stand out from the crowd. It’s a way to get attention from other kids, and even from adults.”

Who are bullies?  It can be “friends”, family, classmates, teammates, “the kid who has it all,” taller, shorter, etc.  They all have this in common:  they are people who someone else or something is making them feel inferior so they are picking on someone else to feel important or validated.

How do you deal with bullies?  What do you teach your children about bullies?  Ideas?

I’m so excited!  My daughter recently returned home with a flyer announcing this fantastic program being offered through her school!  It’s called, Girls on the Run!  Check out their website, philosophy, vision and plan!  It’s definitely an attitude of CAN that I want my own daughter to embrace.  The problem…my daughter hates to run!  I’m not surprised, my husband doesn’t prefer it either, I, however, love it!

Dilemma…my husband and I both think this is a fabulous opportunity for her.  Not only for skills, friendships, teamwork, but for self esteem. The program in not just about running.  It is goal oriented.  It is work oriented.  It is people oriented.  It is self awareness oriented and it is about a can do attitude. I often have found myself telling my kids that “can’t” isn’t in their vocabulary, that I think they can.  However, it is mind over body sometimes.  Just like the Little Engine that could.

From their website, they state this about their program:  “Girls on the Run® is a 501(c)3 positive youth development program which combines an interactive curriculum and running to inspire self-respect and healthy lifestyles in pre-teen girls. Our core curriculum addresses many aspects of girls’ development – their physical, emotional, mental and social well-being. Lessons provide girls with the tools to make positive decisions and to avoid risky adolescent behaviors.”
Vision

• To provide life-changing, high quality programs for girls
• To provide life-changing and high quality experiences to the women developing and delivering the programs
• To promote and provide an environment that allows girls and women to reach their full potential
• To positively transform how girls and women perceive themselves and their place in society

Editor’s note: Onslow is a proud community partner of Girls on the Run and recently sponsored one of the 5K events. For more information about GOTR, visit their website.

Is this program being offered at other local schools?  What do you think?  For it or against it?

Another day off of school and the weather is predicted to be beautiful!  Although I love days off from school and having my children home, I do want them to know and understand and appreciate why we have a day off.  President’s day originally began to celebrate George Washington and then Lincoln’s birth dates.  However, it now is a date to celebrate not just our Founding Fathers, but all presidents who have served.  Being military, I think it is important to honor all who serve and support our government.

In 1968, Congress passed legislation placing any federal holiday on a Monday, including Washington’s birthday, to create a three-day weekend. In 1971, President Richard Nixon combined Washington’s and Lincoln’s birthdays into Presidents’ Day. It would be celebrated on the third Monday in February, regardless of which day it fell on. Presidents’ Day is now viewed as a holiday that pays tribute to both Washington and Lincoln, as well as all those who have served as president. 

My children have excitedly come home bearing posters and facts of the presidents.  We have played games with those facts.  We have tried to find presidents we relate to and have similarities with.  We have even discussed our favorites from past and present.  We have tried to come up with “motto’s” for each presidency.  It has already been a week of learning, studying and discovering.

Although it is always nice to have a day off, I still want my children to learn why we have the freedom to believe, speak, learn and live.  I want them to know their past so that they can change their future.  I am excited to spend time as a family (maybe on the beach:)) on this holiday!  Two Presidents who are notable swimmers are Ronald Reagan, who was a lifeguard before he became president; and John F. Kennedy, who enjoyed swimming at Martha’s Vineyard.  So in tribute to them, we’re off to the beach!

What do you have planned for president’s day?

Remember when all you could think about is that man that swept you off your feet?  Those eyes that sparkled as you locked in gazes at each other.  That smile that could melt away any insecurities you may have had.  The feeling that you are the most beautiful woman in the world and obviously the luckiest to have each other.  Well, it’s Valentine’s week and it’s time to feel the love.  I received my sweet cousin’s wedding invitation this past week (don’t they look so in love?!) and I was reminded of those feelings for my own husband as I looked at their engagement announcement.

As time passes and kids come along it is hard to feel that same connection.  People work, stresses occur, reality hits, children come along and before you know it conversations are focused around bodily fluids and the kids.  Both are exhausted and the routine starts over day after day after day.

Remember when a date is what you looked forward to, prepared for, primped for and thought about all week?  Well, that is why wise men have counseled to have weekly dates with our spouses.  It doesn’t have to cost money.  It doesn’t have to  be elaborate.  Yet, it takes time and preparation.  Failure to plan is planning to fail.  Just like we schedule appointments for doctors, work, clients, etc.  We must set that time aside for each other.  When my husband & I have gone out, my children are so happy to have their sitter.  Why?!  Not because they don’t like us, but because they get a break, it’s fun and they know that Mom & Dad are taking care of their marriage.  Children need to feel secure.  We live in a society that is heavily inundated with divorce, nontraditional family situations, separations, etc.  Even our children have said things when they don’t see us going out for a while.  They hear so many stories from friends that they worry.  Children want to see their parents taking care of them and their marriage partners.

If money is stopping you from going out with your sweetheart, remember, you can’t afford not to.  Suggestions on low cost dates:

Find a couple to swap babysitting with

Go to the gym together

Go on a walk on the beach and talk, throw a Frisbee or football

Pack a picnic and go to a local park

Happy Valentine’s week, hope you made it one to remember when.

What are some of your favorite pre-children memories/dates?

Audition Update (to read part 1, click here)….Well, my son auditioned and I was proud that he had the courage to be on stage with 97 other K-8th graders. After auditioning, he was cast.  However, the friends who told us about the play and were there with us did not make it. It was a bitter sweet situation which could have turned ugly. It is moments like this during which parenting skills are tested. My friend is a sweetheart and handled it better than anyone I knew. She was so excited for my son and proud of hers, as I was also. In fact, they came to the show in support which is one of the sweetest tokens of friendship and loyalty.

Last week was a long week as we traveled to Morehead City daily from 3-7 pm. My son loved every minute of it. What surprised me is how much my 10 year old enjoyed it. She didn’t audition, but probably should have as she had memorized the whole play and every dance move. She wanted to watch every rehearsal and learned just as much. Secretly I was glad that this was my son’s event. Although I love them both and support them both, I think it is important to have their own moments to shine.

My son learned many skills by working with a community production. He learned theater skills, cooperation, listening skills, responsibility-for his part, his costume & messages sent home. He learned that being a part is important no matter how small or how large to put a production on. He learned time management. He learned self control as this was what would be let go if he lost his temper. He wanted the play so badly it was motivating him all week.

The greatest part of being in a play is the success he saw as the audience got involved and clapped and laughed at parts in the play.  It was also great to see how his self esteem was boosted. I learned, as a mother, to step back and allow others to teach and guide. I watched. I learned. I was impressed by how well the production was after only 5 days of rehearsal.  It made me grateful for a community and school district who sponsored a non-profit group to come in who are nationally known. It was a great opportunity that I’m grateful for my son having had a chance to be in.

Are your children budding actors/actresses?  do they participate in local theater workshops or groups?