A few weeks ago, Mini had an “electronics day” at school. For some period of time during class, all the students were allowed to bring their favorite portable electronic device and play. Mini brought her iPod Touch and there was a confrontation with other students. She was letting her friend play a game on it, but a group of four or five other children came over and tried to take it. They said that Mini “had to share” and “had to let other people play” with the iPod. Mini took a stand and said that she didn’t have to let anyone play with it and that if they didn’t back up, she’d put it away and nobody would play with it. The other kids backed off and Mini and her friend went on playing in peace.

Mini told me about the confrontation (she called it a “cat fight,” which made me laugh) when she came over later that day. We talked about how the argument started and what she did to defuse it. I enforced upon her that she did the correct thing. She avoided a physical confrontation, didn’t allow the iPod to be manhandled and didn’t abandon the iPod to go tell a teacher. Most importantly, she stood up for what she knew to be the right thing. I’m very proud of her for that.

Mini was worried that she was being mean or that she had hurt the other children’s feelings when she wouldn’t let them play with the iPod. I told her that she did everything perfectly and she shouldn’t worry about that. She protected her stuff and that was the key.

Have your kids had run-ins with bullies at school? How did you teach them what was the right and wrong thing to do? Leave your ideas, suggestions and questions in the comments.

When we talk about discipline, it’s not always dealing with a situation with an iron fist that matters. A new study by researchers at the University of Alabama at Birmingham says positive parenting can help ease aggression in adolescent girls who go through puberty early.

On the other hand, precocious teen girls whose parents don’t nurture them, communicate with them, or keep track of their activities are more likely to be display aggressive behavior, they also found.

The study included 330 fifth-grade girls (average age 11) and their parents. The girls were asked how often they engaged in aggressive behavior (hitting, teasing, spreading rumors) and in delinquency (fighting at school, getting injured in a fight, or inflicting injuries).

The girls were also asked about how often their mother was affectionate, how often they did things together, whether their parents had talked to them about violence, tobacco and sex, and whether they’d started their periods.

The parents were asked about several items, including how much they knew about their children’s friends and how their child spent their free time.

One-quarter of the girls in the study had matured early — defined as beginning their period one year before the average age for females of their racial and ethnic group. The study found that these girls were more likely to be delinquent, but not aggressive.

However, early-maturing girls who had low levels of parent nurturing, communication and knowledge were more likely to be aggressive.

Visit OHealthy’s article on “Nurturing Parents” for the full article.

If kids' noses grew like Pinocchio when they lied, it would be easier to catch them.

Lying and stealing are common, but inappropriate, behaviors in school-aged children. While some severe forms of these behaviors can indicate a more serious psychological problem, most of the time it is simply a common behavior that will be outgrown. Lying and stealing are more common in boys than girls, and occur most often in children ages 5 to 8 years.

Handling the situation when your child is lying:

When confronted with a child who is lying, it is important to first remember the child’s age and developmental stage. Children under the age of 3 do not lie on purpose. This age group does not understand what they are saying and instead are just experimenting with language and new found facts about the world. They might also lie to avoid punishment because they understand the consequences but have an undeveloped moral code. Children from the ages of 3 to 7 often have problems separating the real world from fantasy. They might have imaginary playmates at this age and enjoy fairy tales and make-believe play. The lies told by this age group are mostly tales that they have made up, not intentional lies. By the age of 6 or 7, however, children understand what lying is, but will continue to cheat if able. Children from the ages of 6 to 12 understand what lying is and the moral wrongness of this behavior. However, children may continue to lie in order to test adult rules and limits. The child may admit to telling a lie, but usually he/she has many reasons for having done so. Rules are very important at this age, so cheating becomes less important.

Other factors that may cause a child to lie:

• Children may lie if their parents’ expectations of them are too high.
• Children may lie about their grades if parents assume that they are doing better in school than they really are.
• If a child is asked why he/she did some bad behavior, the child may lie because he/she is unable to explain the actions.
• Children who are not disciplined on a consistent basis may lie.
• Children who do not receive praise and reward may lie to get this attention.

Stealing often causes more concern to parents because it may happen outside the home and may affect other people. During the school years, stealing may be a sign of a problem, but it may also be a result of peer pressure and the need for the child to fit in. It is important to look at the whole situation. Children under the age of 3 take things because they do not understand fully the difference between what is “mine” and what is not. They then may become possessive of their things and protect them. They do not steal with bad intentions. Children between the ages of 3 and 7 begin to respect things that belong to others. However, this age group will trade property without regard to value if something else is wanted. The respect for property continues in the school-aged child. By the time the child is 9, the child should respect the possessions of others and understand that stealing is wrong. Children in this age group may continue to steal because of several factors, including the following:

• They may feel peer pressure and the need to fit in.
• They may have low self-esteem.
• They may not have any friends and are trying to “buy” their friends.
• They may try to become good at stealing to feel proud of something they have done if they do not receive positive feedback from their parents.

To read more about what to do when lies or steals, visit OHealthy’s article.

Have you ever dealt with a situation like this and your child? What did you do that helped?

As children grow and develop, they can be easily influenced by what they see and hear, especially television. While television programs can be educational, many children watch too much television. TV programs can show children violent behavior that you do not want them to imitate, or that can cause fear. TV may also show children poor eating habits through commercials for high-calorie, low-nutrient foods. Too much TV watching can also take away time from reading, studying, learning activities, play, and/or exercise. Television can also show alcohol and/or drug use, smoking, and sexual behavior before a child is emotionally ready to understand these issues and practice good decision making.

Parents can help decrease the harmful effects of television watching by screening the type of programming and limiting the amount of time a child watches television. The following are suggestions for helping set good television viewing habits:

• Choose programs for your child to watch. Always plan what your child will see on TV. Do not turn on the TV randomly. Give choices between two programs you think are appropriate for your child.
• Limit TV viewing to 1 or 2 hours a day for children older than 2 years of age. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that children younger than 2 years should not watch TV at all.
• Turn to educational shows from the local Public Broadcasting Station (PBS), or from programming such as Discovery Channel, Learning Channel, or History Channel.
• Watch TV with your child. Talk about what happened on the show. Talk about what was good or what was bad about the program. Talk about the difference between reality and make-believe.
• Turn the TV off if the program is something you believe your child should not see.
• Do not assume all cartoons are acceptable and appropriate, as many cartoons contain violence.
• Many daytime programs (such as soap operas and talk shows) are not appropriate for children.
• Be a good example to your child by not watching too much television yourself. Be involved in other activities, especially reading. Read to your child.
• Encourage play and exercise for your child. Plan other fun activities for your child, so he/she has choices instead of TV.
• Limit using TV as a reward for good behavior. Try a trip to the park, a festival, playground, or a visit to a relative’s/friend’s house instead.
• Television time should be decreased to one-half hour each day if your child is not doing well in school.
• Do not allow TV watching during meal times.