Is there a difference between frenemy, arch nemesis or a bully?  Maybe, maybe not.  All have a long term effect on a child’s life and often into adulthood.  I recently watched You Again.  Funny movie, but the reality of how cruel classmates can be and how long lasting the effects were obvious.  I guess I was lucky and I didn’t have a bully.  I do know they exist and I know they can make life awful.  I worry for my children.  I worry that children are becoming more desensitized to cruelty and meanness.

Why has frenemy, arch nemesis and bully become accepted behavior and commonly accepted words?  Should our kids really have to “toughen” up?  Do we really have to tell our kids, “Don’t let it get to you.”  Is this healthy?  NO!  Every person should be able to feel safe and good about themselves.  Bullying does not have to be accepted as “normal” in growing up.  Does it exist?  Yes.  Is it commonplace?  Perhaps.  What exactly is bullying?

PBS television station wrote the following about the subject:

“Physical bullying means:

• Hitting, kicking, or pushing someone…or even just threatening to do it
• Stealing, hiding or ruining someone’s things
• Making someone do things he or she don’t want to do

Verbal bullying means:

• Name-calling
• Teasing
• Insulting

Relationship bullying means:

• Refusing to talk to someone
• Spreading lies or rumors about someone
• Making someone do things he or she doesn’t want to do

What do all these things have in common? They’re examples of ways one person can make another person feel hurt, afraid, or uncomfortable. When these are done to someone more than once, and usually over and over again for a long period of time, that’s bullying.

The reason why one kid would want to bully another kid is this: when you make someone feel bad, you gain power over him or her. Power makes people feel like they’re better than another person, and then that makes them feel really good about themselves. Power also makes you stand out from the crowd. It’s a way to get attention from other kids, and even from adults.”

Who are bullies?  It can be “friends”, family, classmates, teammates, “the kid who has it all,” taller, shorter, etc.  They all have this in common:  they are people who someone else or something is making them feel inferior so they are picking on someone else to feel important or validated.

How do you deal with bullies?  What do you teach your children about bullies?  Ideas?

I recently had to go in for a sleep study.  Mainly to rule out some health issues.  Although I hesitated at the thought because, really, do moms ever feel completely rested?!  I thought motherhood is synonymous with fatigue.  I mean sleep has become highly overrated.  It’s not like it was what I remembered it.  During sleep studies they also ask questions about my children and what type of sleepers they are.  Honestly, none of us sleep well.  I have a family of snorers, sleep talkers and walkers.

I recently read an article that stated 60% of American children don’t get enough sleep.  Another study cited cellphones, Facebook, and video games were to blame.  Our elementary age children need 9-12 hours of sleep.  Experts say that sleep deprivation at any age can impair metabolism, immune functions, and motor skills, increase stress hormones, and cripple sugar metabolism.

So, maybe my lack of sleep accounts for my few extra pounds, poor health, high stress level and slow responses.  To think I attributed that to my age and motherhood.     I guess the answer is simple….my family all needs more sleep.  Sleep is important and I need to ensure we have good sleep habits, cause if “momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!”

Signs of sleep deprivation:

* Can’t fall asleep within 15-20 minutes of going to bed

* Has a hard time waking in the morning

* Has trouble remaining alert and active during the daytime

Establishing good sleep habits is imperative for the healthy development of children. The National Heart, Lung, Blood Institute offers the following tips for parents to help get their kids to bed:

• Set a regular time for bed each night and stick to it.
• Establish a relaxing bedtime routine, such as giving your child a warm bath or reading him or her a story.
• Avoid giving children a big meal close to bedtime, and no caffeine within six hours of sleep.
• Make after-dinner playtime relaxing; too much exercise close to bedtime can keep children awake.
• Keep the noise level down and the bedroom dark. If some light is necessary, use a small nightlight.

Do you get enough sleep your body needs?  How about your children?  Any tips to get higher rate sleep?

There isn’t a day that goes by that I’m not amazed at the amazing odors that emanate from smelly socks, stinky feet, breath, body odor and the constant need for reminders on good hygiene.

From the time our children were infants, we taught them to brush, regularly bathed them, washed their hair, washed their clothes, brushed their teeth.  Part of teaching our growing children is teaching them proper habits.  I get so frustrated thinking it should be common sense at this age, especially for my tween.  However, it’s a whole different world for them and let’s be honest, they aren’t even aware of odors like we are.

I have had to create a chart for each of my children of what needs to be done…daily!!!  I try to let them be responsible, however, they are quick to say that they don’t care if they skip a step, no one would care.  I do.  Perhaps I  have an overly sensitive olfactory system, but this laissez-fare attitude needs to stop!  Thankfully, in a conversation with a friend, I discovered my children are not alone and neither am I.  Many parents struggle with having their children carry through with hygiene tasks.

Change your strategies.  You want your child to wash her hands for 15 seconds. It’s hard enough to get an adult to do this, let alone a child, so here’s the trick: Ask your child to sing the Happy Birthday song. It takes about seven seconds to sing it, so during the first round they can be scrubbing; during the second they can be rinsing. Also show kids how to lather up correctly. The right technique involves rubbing hands thoroughly on both sides, as well as get in between fingers and rub the tips of fingers.

Tricks and treats can work!  A spokesman for the American Academy of Pediatric Dentistry came up with this strategy when his oldest child was a toddler and began refusing to brush her teeth. What did he and his wife do? They sang and danced in the bathroom, knowing that their daughter would walk by soon. When she did, she asked what they were doing. When they said they were brushing each other’s teeth, she ran away. She came back a few minutes later to find them doing the same thing, and she said she wanted to try that. Dr. Hanna replied: “Oh, you’re too little. You have to be a big person. You can’t do this.” And he closed the door. His daughter then opened the door, and said she wanted to brush too. “So we got her a toothbrush, and she brushed my teeth, and I brushed hers. Then she brushed my wife’s teeth, and my wife brushed mine,” says Dr. Hanna. “The next day, my daughter was fine.”

What are some of your tried and true tips on teaching hygiene?

Another day off of school and the weather is predicted to be beautiful!  Although I love days off from school and having my children home, I do want them to know and understand and appreciate why we have a day off.  President’s day originally began to celebrate George Washington and then Lincoln’s birth dates.  However, it now is a date to celebrate not just our Founding Fathers, but all presidents who have served.  Being military, I think it is important to honor all who serve and support our government.

In 1968, Congress passed legislation placing any federal holiday on a Monday, including Washington’s birthday, to create a three-day weekend. In 1971, President Richard Nixon combined Washington’s and Lincoln’s birthdays into Presidents’ Day. It would be celebrated on the third Monday in February, regardless of which day it fell on. Presidents’ Day is now viewed as a holiday that pays tribute to both Washington and Lincoln, as well as all those who have served as president. 

My children have excitedly come home bearing posters and facts of the presidents.  We have played games with those facts.  We have tried to find presidents we relate to and have similarities with.  We have even discussed our favorites from past and present.  We have tried to come up with “motto’s” for each presidency.  It has already been a week of learning, studying and discovering.

Although it is always nice to have a day off, I still want my children to learn why we have the freedom to believe, speak, learn and live.  I want them to know their past so that they can change their future.  I am excited to spend time as a family (maybe on the beach:)) on this holiday!  Two Presidents who are notable swimmers are Ronald Reagan, who was a lifeguard before he became president; and John F. Kennedy, who enjoyed swimming at Martha’s Vineyard.  So in tribute to them, we’re off to the beach!

What do you have planned for president’s day?

Audition Update (to read part 1, click here)….Well, my son auditioned and I was proud that he had the courage to be on stage with 97 other K-8th graders. After auditioning, he was cast.  However, the friends who told us about the play and were there with us did not make it. It was a bitter sweet situation which could have turned ugly. It is moments like this during which parenting skills are tested. My friend is a sweetheart and handled it better than anyone I knew. She was so excited for my son and proud of hers, as I was also. In fact, they came to the show in support which is one of the sweetest tokens of friendship and loyalty.

Last week was a long week as we traveled to Morehead City daily from 3-7 pm. My son loved every minute of it. What surprised me is how much my 10 year old enjoyed it. She didn’t audition, but probably should have as she had memorized the whole play and every dance move. She wanted to watch every rehearsal and learned just as much. Secretly I was glad that this was my son’s event. Although I love them both and support them both, I think it is important to have their own moments to shine.

My son learned many skills by working with a community production. He learned theater skills, cooperation, listening skills, responsibility-for his part, his costume & messages sent home. He learned that being a part is important no matter how small or how large to put a production on. He learned time management. He learned self control as this was what would be let go if he lost his temper. He wanted the play so badly it was motivating him all week.

The greatest part of being in a play is the success he saw as the audience got involved and clapped and laughed at parts in the play.  It was also great to see how his self esteem was boosted. I learned, as a mother, to step back and allow others to teach and guide. I watched. I learned. I was impressed by how well the production was after only 5 days of rehearsal.  It made me grateful for a community and school district who sponsored a non-profit group to come in who are nationally known. It was a great opportunity that I’m grateful for my son having had a chance to be in.

Are your children budding actors/actresses?  do they participate in local theater workshops or groups?