Is it just me or are boys harder on clothes?  I recently realized that a lot of my Kindergarten son’s pants have holes in the knees.  Between how fast kids grow, how hard they are on their clothes and the economy, we are re-evaluating thrift.  As parents, we all want our children to look nice.  We all have limited time to shop or even if we have unlimited time to shop, there is a little thing called budget. We all want what is best for our children. I know my parents did several things when we were younger to teach the value of frugality and thrift.  I’ll also admit that I didn’t readily start couponing or thrift store shopping until a few years ago and I am still somewhat of a discriminating shopper.  However, by making this part of our family’s pattern we are teaching invaluable skills to our children.

By taking our children to regular stores and showing them prices of clothing, even on sale, they have learned how much greater a deal is at the Bag Sales at thrift stores.  For $6 you fill a brown paper bag of clothes/shoes.  With a little patience, planning and picking, you can outfit your growing children on a dime.  The best part is not caring as much when your child stains a shirt or puts holes in their knees or are too hard on their clothes.  There are many people who would NEVER be caught dead in a thrift store or who have negative stereotypes.  These same people tend to buy their children too many clothes (mostly name brands) and often donate them new with tags or after being worn once.

My children have often received compliments on their clothing from others and now readily share their tips.  The compliments have given them confidence and reassurance that it doesn’t matter where you buy your clothes, as long as you present yourself well and groomed.  My daughter went from a thrift store snob to looking forward to monthly mommy/daughter dates at the bag sale.  We comb the racks for familiar brands, things new with tags, or gently used clothing that catches the eye.  We project the next size needed.  By having our kids help with the laundry and putting clothes away, they are also aware of what they need more so than myself at times.  So, when my son put holes in yet another pair of jeans this week, I was glad I finally found a way of saving money on that little necessity of clothing our children without the stress of breaking the bank.

What are some money saving tips have you used with your growing family?

This past week, 74 4th & 5th grade students from throughout the county represented 11 schools in Onslow County Science Fair.  These children represented their schools and competed for a chance to go to regional and state.  For an hour and a half they were asked questions and interviewed to see what they learned.  My daughter and her friend were the fourth grade representatives.  What would normally cause me stress, seemed to roll right off my daughter. I suggested dressing up, she said no. I suggested practicing, she said no. I suggested I be quiet, and I said Yes. (because what do mothers really know)

As I watched and observed I saw a gamut of parents.  Some accessing the other projects and comparing.  (the competitive ones)  Some were obviously annoyed at their children for not being more vocal (ones that didn’t particularly think their child should be there). Some just happily watching their child from a distance as they excitedly shared what they learned (parents who have allowed the learning to happen naturally). I wondered where I fit in.  Sure I was excited that my daughter had been selected, but I also know her true feelings.  She was happy, but really did not want to go on to the next level.  So, I watched and chalked this all up for experience.

My daughter learned that first impressions do matter. Dress for success. She learned that the more participatory the project, the more interest people showed. She learned that public speaking isn’t as easy as looks when it comes to eye contact, not stammering and knowing your facts. She learned the more you learn the more you know and the easier it is to talk about something. I think she also learned about passion. There were some projects that other kids were passionate about. They truly had picked a subject they were interested in. So, my daughter did her best. She learned and actually sighed louder than I thought she would when the winners were announced and the relief came knowing that she was not going to regional.

What kind of parent are you?  How would you have acted in a competitive environment like this?

“The only thing constant is change” is my mantra. It is my life. It is the military. It is motherhood.  It is the ability to adapt to unforeseen circumstances with a good attitude.  It is the reality that life is constantly evolving & changing.  I think as humans we tend to be creatures of habit and we resist that urge to have change.  However, as a mother I’m learning that I have to adapt and teach my children through my example. We had planned family time around this weekend as we were supposed to have a 4 day weekend. With weather make-ups, we no longer have those days off. My husband had taken leave…and now has canceled it. Our children were excited for the unannounced adventure our family was to take. Alas, it may be a day trip to Raleigh.

We weren’t going anywhere spectacular on a limited budget, but we do recognize the need for family escapes and fun. When you stay home you often get bombarded with family projects, the stress that is here, etc.  Sometimes escaping for a few days can rejuvenate us all enough to realize what we have in our little family unit and with our home. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

I have noticed that  my tween, especially, does not deal with change very well.  It throws her off and I know I have mentioned this in other blogs, but se feels like we have lied to her if plans have changed. She feels like we don’t do what we say. These are heavy allegations that my husband and I don’t take lightly to. This is not what we want our children thinking or believing. However, the reasons are legitimate…school was canceled due to weather and they had those days off just in a similarly unplanned manner.

So, we continue to compromise, think before speaking and be cautious about letting any “plans” vocalized within ear shot of our children.

How do you handle changes in plans with your tweens, do they “meltdown” or do they understand?

Every mom’s dilemma…what to buy as birthday gifts for tweens.  We live in a world where are kids are blessed with not only homes, food, clothes, but also a plethora of “stuff.”  So, what do you get for all the birthday parties that our kids are invited to?  My daughter recently remarked that she was the only person to have brought a gift, everyone else brought cards and cash.  I asked if she felt badly that we hadn’t done the same, it would be easier, right?  She told me that she liked giving a present to open.

So, how much do you spend?  I searched high and low on blogs, mom boards, etc.  The most sage advice I read was $1 per year the child is turning in combination with how well you know the child.  I also saw that people suggested craft kits or something you can make since you can never have too many rainy day craft kits.  With the amount of parties we are invited to, another suggestion was teaming up with another mom and buying a gift together for your kids to give the birthday child.

Being a mother of 2 school aged children, we have had 5 parties already this month.  This is in addition to family birthdays.  With the economy, why not give a coupon for a play date.  Then use the money you would have spent when it is redeemed to take your kids and their friends to a movie, or on an outing.  Hit the clearance and stock up after Christmas, is a great time to get craft kits, toys, games, etc. at a very discounted rate and it will save you the mad rush to go get a present. (which usually makes us late for the party any way.:))

I also believe you shouldn’t feel like you have to go to every party your child is invited to.  We usually leave it up to our child if they would like to go.  Then it depends on where the party is and how well we know them if it is at someone’s house.  We have established a “safety” with sending our child with a cell phone to call if they become uncomfortable or want to leave early.  We have already established a no sleepover policy so that has eliminated some of those “parent” issues we may face.

How do you handle birthday parties and presents with your tweens?

Siblings are just siblings, right?  Well, this weekend I realized why it’s so hard when some siblings have play dates and others don’t have them at the same time.  My children consider themselves not just siblings but friends. As my son told me this weekend, “I love sissy, I know she gets mad at me when her friends are over, but I just want to be with her and her friends are nice to me.” Boy, was that insightful and revealing.  My tween was completely annoyed with her brother because she had a play date and he kept trying to join in the fun.  In his 5 year old mind he was just doing what he always did, playing with his sister.  So, I took my son out to get doughnuts for everyone so she could have uninterrupted time with her friend.

My son discovered my true intentions and even asked why his sister didn’t like him anymore.  I explained that she loves him, but she also needs her space.  It is hard to see her playing with someone else when that is usually what he gets to do.  I felt badly that I hadn’t planned better so he too could have a play date over, although that could’ve meant two boys teasing two tweens   However, I also believe my children need to learn to compromise and realize that life is not always fair. (Harsh I know, but reality.) I think kids need to learn how to behave in all situations and learn to respect each other and their own individual space.

I wondered why it is so easy for others the same age as my children to treat their friend’s siblings nicer than their own.  Is it because they understand it is temporary?  When you don’t live with another person you don’t know everything about them, so you aren’t as irritated as the one who does know what they can be like.  Siblings know each other’s “magic buttons” to push.  Siblings can be hurtful to each other and rebound faster than friends.  Siblings see you through the worse and the best and still love you.  Friends don’t always give you that understanding or forgiveness.

As a parent I did talk with my tween about her behavior.  When she realized why her brother behaved “worse” than normal she calmed down a bit and could see the situation differently.  Sometimes we need to facilitate hard conversations as parents.  Sometimes we also need to teach our children these social issues and remind them to be kind to their siblings.

What do you do to avoid sibling/friend confrontations with your tweens?