As I type this, I am watching the boys as they play in the front yard with my husband. Sam is tossing him the Frisbee and he is helping Jake set up a fort made out of big wheels and our old flagpole. Sure, I am capable of doing these things too, but it is different when dad is here to do them.

Home from the third (and final) deployment

My husband (and our family) have been through three deployments now. The last two were especially long (14 and 11 months each) with only 10 months between them. I know many of you have been through similar separations so you know how hard it can be on your kids. As a whole, military spouses do an outstanding job in the absence of their husband. We run the house, get the kids where they need to be, fix every single boo boo and kiss away every tear. Quite frankly, our Marines are lucky to have us.  :)

That said, there is something missing when they are gone. I cannot really put a name to it, but my battle set ups are never as good as dad’s (ask Jake) and I can’t toss Sam around and take him on running piggy back rides like Kerry can. No matter how hard I try, there are just some areas where I am second best.

I am so thankful Kerry is home. He will be leaving the Marine Corps this summer after ten years. I know deep down we will miss parts of that life, but I KNOW we will not miss the deployments. Our boys can count on hours of chases in the yard and camp outs nowm anytime they want them.

What makes your tweens most happy when dad comes home? What do they miss the most?

Well, I finally got a call from my husband on Saturday.  I’ll be honest, he was a little on the cranky side; however, I suppose he has a good reason.  I’m excited because the weeks are just flying by; thankfully this will all be done and over with before I can blink an eye.  I’m already excited and nervous about homecoming.  It will be nice to have an adult helper.  I can’t imagine how much easier my life will be.  Between training up for the deployment and actually deploying, it’s really been close to or over a year since he was home on a routine basis.  We haven’t gotten any official word as of yet as it pertains to his return, but that’s pretty typical.

 Everyone made it through school this week, yet another miracle and I’m finally starting to feel human again now that there’s actually some daylight and sunshine!!  The girls were pretty upset after they got to talk to daddy, but I’m just glad that they received the opportunity hear his voice and know that he loves and cares about them.  They’ve been pretty good about it all; sometimes the subject of daddy being gone comes up at night as they’re getting tucked in.  They tell me they miss him and we talk about it.  I don’t want them to feel as though it’s not okay to be sad or miss him.  It’s perfectly fine; however, sometimes I think they use it as a crutch.  It’s kind of difficult to strike that balance. 

Uneventful is the best way to describe this week; I say that with a sigh of relief because there’s no telling what the next few days hold!

Alright, so Jon’s still deployed … and … fingers crossed … everything has been pretty smooth.  The girls had a touch of the stomach bug on Thursday/Friday, but hey, we made it through four days of school, which at this point, seems to be a miracle.  Jon called last week, late in the week, which made me feel a whole lot better.  He said that everyone was okay which in itself was a relief. 

Meantime, here at home, I just can’t get ahead.  I got behind from the kids being nonstop sick for the past month and a half and can’t seem to make any progress.  It’s getting frustrating!!!!  I live off of Red Bull some days. 

However, hiring the cleaning lady has been immeasurably helpful and taken some of the weight off my shoulders, however I still can’t remember to pay the sewer bill (had it in my purse for three days now), and can’t seem to put an end to our laundry crisis.  This month the dogs need to be taken to the vet as does the cat.  I’m hoping that nobody gets sick, myself included.  The toilet is broken (you know the plastic piece that attaches to the handle) and has been for roughly a week and a half.  After I’m done writing, I’m on my way to Lowe’s so that I can get the part to fix it.   

Other than that, I’m just praying that everyone over there is okay.  Quite honestly, in Jon’s previous deployments, the media wasn’t as precise and “in your face.”  People are sending me tons of articles and pictures about what they’re doing over there and quite honestly, I’d just as soon pretend that he was on a vacation to the Bahamas for a few months.  I’m growing increasingly tired of the politics behind it all; don’t even get me started.

If you’re a military spouse, stop by our Military Mattersgroup on MomTalk to share and connect with other parents facing simliar issues.

So, if you’ve read the blog about my child having the allergic reaction, you’ll know why I’m writing this.  As everyone knows, my husband is currently deployed.  Military wives and husbands, it wasn’t until now that I realized the importance of having a support system.  A good core of friends is one of the most valuable and cherished things in my life. 

At the emergency room, Sarah called (or maybe I happened to call her, everything’s kinda hazy).  She came and picked up Vannah.  She kept Vannah until about midnight.  Brenda also called and volunteered to pick up Vannah and was always there for me as well.  Two days into the ordeal, Carla was ready and willing to drive to Chapel Hill’s ER with me.  She let me cry, let me worry, and shared my anger, and helped focus my rage.  I think she was just as peeved as I was.  K.U. fought like a caged pitbull to help me get a referral and was ready to advocate for me at a second’s notice.  Barb researched and researched into the late hours of the night.  My mom volunteered to come up to help as did K.U.  My sister-in-law came with me to the appointment and my mother-in-law showed up on Thursday so I could get some much needed sleep.   My neighbors, Shaun and Stephanie, came over and got Mallory dressed so that I could wash my greasy hair. 

Then when I got the referral to Chapel Hill, Sarah again opened her doors.  She let Vannah sleep over the night before and then kept her all day.  She bought her ice cream, made her smoothies, and was there to bounce ideas off of.   She researched, prodded and called every medical person she knew.  Brenda made sure we were on prayer lists all over creation.  Carla directed me to the best doctor on the east coast. 

So many things had to fall together perfectly and my friends and family made it happen.  It’s really important to reach out when you need help and your spouse is deployed.  It’s important that you develop a core of people who will be there when the poop hits the fan.  I don’t know what I would have done without my support system.

Have your friends and family helped you in times of trouble?  Have they kept you going when you thought you would lose it?   How so?  Please share your comments and stories below!

As I mentioned in part one, my husband has finally deployed.  Since the girls are older this time, all of us are facing new, and sometimes difficult challenges when it comes to coping with the separation.  Mainly, it boils down to Jon not wanting to upset the girls when he calls. 

Jon knows that when he calls, the girls get upset.  It makes him feel absolutely horrible.  I can understand where he’s coming from on this one.  However, I know how a little kid’s mind works.  They don’t quite rationalize things the way he and I do.  I’d rather have them be upset because they miss him, than be upset because they think dad doesn’t want to talk to them (or something along those same lines.)  The bottom line is that I want him to stay as involved as he possibly can. 

I know this isn’t easy for him.  He has to get into a specific mind set and has a completely different life while he’s over there.  The heartache and homesickness doesn’t help either.  However, I think I’ve come up with a few ideas to keep both sides happy.  The girls and I have started sitting down and writing letters to him.  They tell me what they want to say and I write it, then they sign. 

I am also going to start sending some of their school worksheets with the letters.  That way he knows what they’re doing in school and can see how they are progressing.  They also have the opportunity to showcase the different things they’ve done.  I think it’s a pretty win-win situation. 

How do you keep your kids close to dad while he’s gone, without making it heart wrenching for dad or kids?  Please share because I’d love to hear your tips and wisdom!