I have always been a fan of Steven Covey and his awesome books and organizational supplies.  So you can imagine how thrilled I was to find out that my tween’s elementary school has adopted these 7 Habits into their classrooms and their curriculum.  When my tween made a comment to me about how he was being “proactive”, I was thrilled beyond words.

Here are the 7 Habits his school has adopted to help them in their educational and social journey this year:

Habit 1: Be Proactive • You’re in Charge

Habit 2: Begin With the End in Mind • Have a Plan

Habit 3: Put First Things First • Work First, Then Play

Habit 4: Think Win-Win • Everyone Can Win

Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood • Listen Before You Talk

Habit 6: Synergize • Together Is Better

Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw • Balance Feels Best

While I attended his Open House, I learned even more about this great program.  They presented it to the parents and talked to us about how they use it in the classrooms.  I thought this was wonderful, so I can also be using these habits in our home.  They have been given beautiful planners that also go along with the 7 habits.

What a great way to start a child’s life and instill leadership and social skills INTO their curriculum.  This program get TWO thumbs up from this Mama!!

The Franklin Covey website also gives great tools for families and homes to not just make our children mediocre but GREAT!!!

What are some of the things you have seen in your child’s school that really impress you?

I find that Motherhood is full of lots of these phrases;

“brush your teeth”,

“pick up your room”,

“let the dog out”,

“finish your homework”

and

“‘watch the baby”…..

That is part of our job, we keep things moving and help our tweens accomplish the things they need to.  I often feel a bit like a drill sargent!  But, alas…they would be in trouble if we weren’t here to help them along and keep them safe and out of trouble.

Then, here and there you have those special moments.  Those moments where the stars align, fireworks ignite and you are filled with such joy!!  Moments like the one I captured  in this photo, watching two darling children lost in a book together.  Watching my tween take care of his little sister and enjoy it.

Next time I feel like I just might pull my hair out if I have to tell my tween to pick up his socks one more time, I will find peace in the fact that I am teaching and training him.  In all those moments I have asked him to help out with his younger siblings, he has learned how to be with babies.  He knows how to take care of them (he will be an awesome Dad someday).

All those hours of nagging and disciplining and teaching WILL pay off and yes, God will give me these magical moments to keep me going!!

What are some of your ‘tender moments’ that make all the nagging and teaching pay off?

A 5-year-old never puts away her toys without a shouting match with her parents. Mom promises a trip to Disney World if the girl will routinely clean up after herself without an argument. Reward, or bribe?

A 12-year-old hates homework and routinely skips it. Dad pledges to spend Saturday morning alone with his son doing whatever the boy wants if he’ll complete his homework without a reminder for a week. Reward, or bribe?

Bribe on the first count, but a positive reward on the second, says David G. Fassler, M.D., clinical professor of psychiatry.

“A reward usually doesn’t need to be extra large to modify a child’s behavior,” he says. An extravagant promise, however, “suggests that there’s a struggle between parent and child. It implies that the parent is trying to make the child do something he doesn’t want to do by upping the ante [bribing].”

And bribes can establish a dangerous dynamic: You can unintentionally teach a child to withhold behaviors until a bribe is offered, says Dr. Fassler.

Children develop a sense of competence and mastery by doing tasks, and they enjoy getting a reward. But a reward definitely is not a bribe. A bribe means, I’m giving you this candy bar to shut you up. A bribe stops a negative behavior, but it doesn’t leave children feeling good about themselves.

Clearly bribery is out, and positive reinforcement is in. But how should parents use rewards to teach their children?

We do it all the time. It doesn’t have to be monetary or with toys. It can be with praise, hugs or any positive reflection on a child’s action.

Whether spontaneous – like a hug – or structured – like stickers on a calendar for using the potty – positive reinforcement is a valuable teaching tool. But spontaneous rewards alone are not enough. Kids must see that their action earned the reward.

If your daughter plays nicely with her brother, praise the girl for her behavior, then tell her that because of it, you’ll play with her. Put yourself in your child’s shoes. How many of us still try to please a loved one? Your child also goes after very similar rewards.

And along with smiles, young children love earning gold stars or stickers. These work well because a young child needs to be rewarded immediately after performing a desired behavior. And don’t just use rewards when there’s a problem, use them routinely, says Dr. Fassle.

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There is no doubt in my mind that parenting is THE hardest thing I will ever do. While there are plenty of days with laughs and good times, there are plenty of others that are not so fun. It is easy to be a parent on those good days…..smiles and kids listening to you and making you proud. I think what defines us as parents are the other days…the days with tears, stress and challenges we never expected.

Jake and Sam had a wonderful first week of school. They were up and ready each morning, did their homework without complaint and cheerfully went off to bedtime without so much as one “but mom…..” They were so good I decided they deserved a treat so Friday we hit Toys R Us after school. Both boys found something they wanted and when we got home it was two more hours of peace as they each played happily with their gifts. I should have known it could not be that easy.  As we sat at dinner, Sam decided to be five for just another minute and give me issues about what was on his plate. Well…..he gave me issues long enough that I had to follow through on a consequence I threatened one hour into his tantrum.

The new toy that he loved so much had to be returned to the store. You can imagine that hearing those words did not exactly lessen his crying and yelling…..quite the opposite. I knew what would happen when I told him but I had to do it anyway…I had no choice. I told him if he did not stop it would go back…he kept it up so I had to keep my promise.

It hurt me to take away something he earned all week..something he loved and really enjoyed. Even so, I knew it would hurt me a lot more if I did not stick to my word and let him have it back. I know if I want a 15 year old who listens and who I can trust, I need to create one…..they don’t come that way. It was not a pleasant moment for me and it was tough to do. That said, I would not change it at all.

Have you had a moment where you had to be the bad guy?

We have all survived the first week and a half of a new school year.  New classrooms, new dynamics, new teachers and new classmates.  As with most tweens, my daughter is not exempt from wanting to make new friends.  Since we are military and have lived here for almost 5 years, we have seen the constant move-ins and move-outs of our children’s friends.

My tween especially needs a close friend.  Unfortunately, she has not been able to make that “best friend” for a long time.  This year she knew a few girls in her fourth grade class and one was from her dance school.  She’s not only excited about having her in her class, she wants to do everything that she does, including taking 8 dance classes and dancing every day of the week!  She also wants to “dress to impress,” regardless of mom’s two cents about weather, matching or over accessorizing.  That’s quite the change from what my tween expressed last week before dance open house.  So, is this peer pressure or wanting and needing a new friend?

I am one to believe that a little healthy peer pressure can be good and so can making new friends.  I also think that taking dance will be good for my daughter as long as she can learn to be disciplined about homework and continue to do well without stressing herself out.  I am a little worried she may be over-scheduling herself, but thankfully, her dance director is very open and honest with me and willing to try this for a few months and then evaluate and readjust her dance schedule if necessary.

Being involved in extra curriculars helps boost self-esteem, helps build new friendships, teaches self-discipline, and has many positive affects for our tweens.  Although peer pressure normally has a negative connotation, it can sometimes be positive when those people or friends encourage you to stretch yourself and develop talents that you possess.   Despite last week’s article I wrote about to Dance or Not to Dance, my daughter has changed her mind again (surprise, surprise:)) and is now dancing 3 times a week in 4 different classes.  We did negotiate because of her siblings’ schedule and because I helped her realize that Mom isn’t superwoman.

I found this article especially helpful for my tween daughter… http://www.preteenagerstoday.com/resources/articles/girlyguide.htm

Have you found your tween faced with peer pressure?  Do your tween’s new friends encourage your tween to try new activities?  Do you believe peer pressure to be a negative or a positive?