Siblings are just siblings, right?  Well, this weekend I realized why it’s so hard when some siblings have play dates and others don’t have them at the same time.  My children consider themselves not just siblings but friends. As my son told me this weekend, “I love sissy, I know she gets mad at me when her friends are over, but I just want to be with her and her friends are nice to me.” Boy, was that insightful and revealing.  My tween was completely annoyed with her brother because she had a play date and he kept trying to join in the fun.  In his 5 year old mind he was just doing what he always did, playing with his sister.  So, I took my son out to get doughnuts for everyone so she could have uninterrupted time with her friend.

My son discovered my true intentions and even asked why his sister didn’t like him anymore.  I explained that she loves him, but she also needs her space.  It is hard to see her playing with someone else when that is usually what he gets to do.  I felt badly that I hadn’t planned better so he too could have a play date over, although that could’ve meant two boys teasing two tweens   However, I also believe my children need to learn to compromise and realize that life is not always fair. (Harsh I know, but reality.) I think kids need to learn how to behave in all situations and learn to respect each other and their own individual space.

I wondered why it is so easy for others the same age as my children to treat their friend’s siblings nicer than their own.  Is it because they understand it is temporary?  When you don’t live with another person you don’t know everything about them, so you aren’t as irritated as the one who does know what they can be like.  Siblings know each other’s “magic buttons” to push.  Siblings can be hurtful to each other and rebound faster than friends.  Siblings see you through the worse and the best and still love you.  Friends don’t always give you that understanding or forgiveness.

As a parent I did talk with my tween about her behavior.  When she realized why her brother behaved “worse” than normal she calmed down a bit and could see the situation differently.  Sometimes we need to facilitate hard conversations as parents.  Sometimes we also need to teach our children these social issues and remind them to be kind to their siblings.

What do you do to avoid sibling/friend confrontations with your tweens?

To some, the late night school cancellation call comes with dread.  It may mean scrambling  to find a babysitter.  It  means that your normal Monday schedule of catch-up is off.  It may mean canceled appointments, rearranging of your plans, or even possibly having to call off from work.  For us, it means another family day! We love it!

I still remember as a child listening for that call in the morning.  My mother would have the radio on all night and morning listening for school cancellations.  She would always hope that the private school where she taught would be cancelled with ours as well. Even though, coming from Ohio, our snow days here are a joke, I readily embrace them!

My children love unplanned “mental health” days!  We stay in our PJ’s, make food together, craft, play games, play outside, watch a movie with hot cocoa.  As I type my children are running around singing Christmas songs.  My husband is trying to decide if he needs to go in or be on stand-by.  I am just sitting smiling as my children are happily content and playing together.  This seems like real time as my husband just informed me that the base closed for the day, looks like he may get to stay home too!  Make that 4 happy children running around singing and dancing!

Sometimes as a family I feel like the weekend are not long enough to catch up as a family.  Kids have birthday parties, church, play-dates, yard work and housework needs to be done.  We spend so much time running around catching up from the week that before we know it, it’s Monday.  So, to be able to have unplanned days off is exciting.  Although it derails the normal routine for a day, it also allows us to re-connect and enjoy each other.

What does your family do when you get unplanned school days off?  Is it convenient or inconvenient?

I like to think of the holidays like a huge storm.  You know, the kind the news reporters hype up and tell us to prepare for.  We hurriedly go out and buy “emergency supplies” to be ready for it.  Then the storm comes and it is just that, a storm.  You either are prepared or not, but after it passes, it’s calm. The holidays really are like that: For months we try to select just the right gifts, decor, food menu, party plans, etc. Within hours it’s over. I feel like the calm after a storm.  However, it is a good feeling.

This year we tried not to get too caught up in hype.  We tried to focus on the reason for the celebration.  We tried to do more as a family.  We tried to serve and give more than receive. We were prepared.  Prepared not to listen to the hype, not to get caught in the holiday snares, not to forget how blessed we are as a nation, family and culture.

Even though the “big” gift giving holiday is over, the holidays still envelope us. We are still surrounded by our families, time, and gifts. My tween reminded me again of simplicity. We had gotten a MegaBall for the family for Christmas. It’s an ice cream maker that you roll around as a family…you can use it camping, as a game, it’s lightweight and doesn’t require electricity, etc. Weird gift, yes. However, when we asked our children what they would say was the best thing they did on holiday break so far, it was, “having a ‘ball’ making our own ice cream as a family.” It wasn’t all those expensive gifts, it wasn’t anything that anyone had asked for, it was an inexpensive gift and time together laughing, collecting snow since we ran out of ice for the outside and creating “the best ice cream Ben & Jerry’s ever saw.”

It made me realize that being calm, organized and prepared far outweighs all the hustle and bustle of not being prepared and stressed.  It was the quiet moments together reenacting the Christmas story, reading holiday books, drinking hot cocoa, watching films together and just the time spent, together.

What are some of your families favorite “after the storm” activities?

Whether you are staying here, traveling somewhere exotic, visiting family or all of the above, tweens still need a routine.  My tween asked me several times over the weekend what our schedule was.  Here I was thinking of a break…non scheduled activities and spontaneous fun.  She wants to know what to expect and what kind of fun we will be doing.  Routines are important whether it’s daily school routines or holiday vacation.

Creating a routine for holiday break can be fun and not as structured.  We have decided to list a few things the kids would like to do, things they have to do (science project) and then things that Mom does when they are at school that they now need to help with. (cooking, cleaning, errands, etc.)  Together we will create daily schedules based on the health of all members home and the feeling.  Requirements…at least 2 pajama days for crafting, cooking and cleaning where we are not rushing around trying to do too much.

Rexanne Mancini states that, “routines are an ideal way to keep your family and children calm, secure and at ease with life’s variables.

Children will thrive with schedules that are easy to understand and accomplish, yet flexible enough to change if circumstances warrant. We do not want to rule our families with an iron fist, adhering to “the schedule” without compromise; however, good routines will keep your family organized and will establish an environment of tranquility for all family members.”

I also believe it helps children learn time management.

So, with two weeks with our kids at home and most scheduled activities on break as well, reconnect with your tweens and have fun with your routines!  Let each child make some decisions and choose what they would like to do.  Compromise with each other and have fun, it is vacation, right?!

What are some of your holiday vacation plans?  Have you created a holiday break routine yet?  How do you merge expectations, fun and tradition?

Does your tween have a hobby?  If they don’t, maybe they should.  Hobbies teach us skills that we can’t learn any other way.  I remember when I was a tween (back in the “olden” days, as my tween reminds me) I collected music boxes.   I would find one I liked and put a picture in my journal and start saving money to buy it myself.  I always took care of things better when I bought it myself.  My daughter has many hobbies that have taught her skills as negotiating, organizing, trading, saving and planning.

The book, The Ultimate Book of Kid Concoctions by John E. Thomas is a great resource to find new things and show how ordinary things can become a hobby.  I still have a little treasure box that I passed down recently to my tween from my earliest collections.  It was a red velvet box that held my “treasures.”  It is a walk through my childhood to share these items with my children.

If your tween doesn’t have a hobby, this holiday season is a great way to start with a gift that allows them to explore new talents, skills, and hobbies.  How-to books, Joke books, Almanacs, Journals, Scrapbook, Craft Kit, Sports items, etc.

Hobbies make you unique. A hobby gives you personality.  It tell something about people.  It can become a piece of history; I love listening to what my parents and grandparents liked when they were younger as it connects me to multi-generations.

Share your hobbies with your kids, not just what you like to do now, but what you did or collected when you were their age.  It bridges an age gap between parent and child and it tells a little history.  It may stimulate your tween to look at things differently than they have in the past.

What was one of your favorite hobbies as a tween?  Did you keep your collections?  If you got rid of it, do you regret it and why?