My parents and my husband’s parents all live in Ohio. Ever since I got married and moved away, I have called my mom and dad once a week, on Sunday, to check in and catch up. Sometimes when there was news or something to share we would talk more often, but always on Sundays. When we had the kids, that did not change, but something has changed in the past couple of years. My dad calls more….a lot more…and it is backfiring a bit on him.

We have used Skype on Sundays with the boys for years now to make sure my parents got to “see” Jake and Sam weekly (my mother in law has yet to join the internet world:)) For awhile, that was enough but something happened during Kerry’s last deployment. All of the sudden my dad felt the need to call 5-7 times per week…in addition to the Sunday call. Don’t get me wrong, I love my dad, but all of this calling meant to bring him closer to the boys had the opposite effect.

The boys are only 6 and 8 and well, they are boys. They don’t have that much to say or share on the phone. When you ask how their day was you get “fine.” When you ask if anything exciting happened you get “no.” All of this just frustrates my dad and no matter how I have tried to tell him that maybe fewer calls would be more meaningful. Now that my dad has an iPhone and facetime…well let’s just say..it opens a whole new world of calls to make I try to tell the boys it is just because he loves them but they are just not up for a call every night….they have nothing to share.  For now we will just keep answering when he calls and making our call on Sundays.  I know it is all out of love and I suppose the boys just need to accept that and love that he cares that much about them.

What would you do? Would you continue to point out that fewer calls may be better or just let it go?

Audition Update (to read part 1, click here)….Well, my son auditioned and I was proud that he had the courage to be on stage with 97 other K-8th graders. After auditioning, he was cast.  However, the friends who told us about the play and were there with us did not make it. It was a bitter sweet situation which could have turned ugly. It is moments like this during which parenting skills are tested. My friend is a sweetheart and handled it better than anyone I knew. She was so excited for my son and proud of hers, as I was also. In fact, they came to the show in support which is one of the sweetest tokens of friendship and loyalty.

Last week was a long week as we traveled to Morehead City daily from 3-7 pm. My son loved every minute of it. What surprised me is how much my 10 year old enjoyed it. She didn’t audition, but probably should have as she had memorized the whole play and every dance move. She wanted to watch every rehearsal and learned just as much. Secretly I was glad that this was my son’s event. Although I love them both and support them both, I think it is important to have their own moments to shine.

My son learned many skills by working with a community production. He learned theater skills, cooperation, listening skills, responsibility-for his part, his costume & messages sent home. He learned that being a part is important no matter how small or how large to put a production on. He learned time management. He learned self control as this was what would be let go if he lost his temper. He wanted the play so badly it was motivating him all week.

The greatest part of being in a play is the success he saw as the audience got involved and clapped and laughed at parts in the play.  It was also great to see how his self esteem was boosted. I learned, as a mother, to step back and allow others to teach and guide. I watched. I learned. I was impressed by how well the production was after only 5 days of rehearsal.  It made me grateful for a community and school district who sponsored a non-profit group to come in who are nationally known. It was a great opportunity that I’m grateful for my son having had a chance to be in.

Are your children budding actors/actresses?  do they participate in local theater workshops or groups?

Is it just me or are boys harder on clothes?  I recently realized that a lot of my Kindergarten son’s pants have holes in the knees.  Between how fast kids grow, how hard they are on their clothes and the economy, we are re-evaluating thrift.  As parents, we all want our children to look nice.  We all have limited time to shop or even if we have unlimited time to shop, there is a little thing called budget. We all want what is best for our children. I know my parents did several things when we were younger to teach the value of frugality and thrift.  I’ll also admit that I didn’t readily start couponing or thrift store shopping until a few years ago and I am still somewhat of a discriminating shopper.  However, by making this part of our family’s pattern we are teaching invaluable skills to our children.

By taking our children to regular stores and showing them prices of clothing, even on sale, they have learned how much greater a deal is at the Bag Sales at thrift stores.  For $6 you fill a brown paper bag of clothes/shoes.  With a little patience, planning and picking, you can outfit your growing children on a dime.  The best part is not caring as much when your child stains a shirt or puts holes in their knees or are too hard on their clothes.  There are many people who would NEVER be caught dead in a thrift store or who have negative stereotypes.  These same people tend to buy their children too many clothes (mostly name brands) and often donate them new with tags or after being worn once.

My children have often received compliments on their clothing from others and now readily share their tips.  The compliments have given them confidence and reassurance that it doesn’t matter where you buy your clothes, as long as you present yourself well and groomed.  My daughter went from a thrift store snob to looking forward to monthly mommy/daughter dates at the bag sale.  We comb the racks for familiar brands, things new with tags, or gently used clothing that catches the eye.  We project the next size needed.  By having our kids help with the laundry and putting clothes away, they are also aware of what they need more so than myself at times.  So, when my son put holes in yet another pair of jeans this week, I was glad I finally found a way of saving money on that little necessity of clothing our children without the stress of breaking the bank.

What are some money saving tips have you used with your growing family?

This past week, 74 4th & 5th grade students from throughout the county represented 11 schools in Onslow County Science Fair.  These children represented their schools and competed for a chance to go to regional and state.  For an hour and a half they were asked questions and interviewed to see what they learned.  My daughter and her friend were the fourth grade representatives.  What would normally cause me stress, seemed to roll right off my daughter. I suggested dressing up, she said no. I suggested practicing, she said no. I suggested I be quiet, and I said Yes. (because what do mothers really know)

As I watched and observed I saw a gamut of parents.  Some accessing the other projects and comparing.  (the competitive ones)  Some were obviously annoyed at their children for not being more vocal (ones that didn’t particularly think their child should be there). Some just happily watching their child from a distance as they excitedly shared what they learned (parents who have allowed the learning to happen naturally). I wondered where I fit in.  Sure I was excited that my daughter had been selected, but I also know her true feelings.  She was happy, but really did not want to go on to the next level.  So, I watched and chalked this all up for experience.

My daughter learned that first impressions do matter. Dress for success. She learned that the more participatory the project, the more interest people showed. She learned that public speaking isn’t as easy as looks when it comes to eye contact, not stammering and knowing your facts. She learned the more you learn the more you know and the easier it is to talk about something. I think she also learned about passion. There were some projects that other kids were passionate about. They truly had picked a subject they were interested in. So, my daughter did her best. She learned and actually sighed louder than I thought she would when the winners were announced and the relief came knowing that she was not going to regional.

What kind of parent are you?  How would you have acted in a competitive environment like this?

I remember being pregnant for the first time and finding out I was having a girl.  All I knew was that a baby was a baby, could there really be a difference?.  As time went on, girl was all I knew.  What my daughter did was what all children did, right?  Wrong. Almost five years later we had a son.  Again, people would ask if I was nervous about having a boy.  Why should I be? Well, to be honest I was, my biggest fear was how am I supposed to potty train him like a boy?  Silly I know but the differences between children is greater than anatomy.

Without getting scientific, I am going to state my own mom perspective.  I believe all children are equally different.  Some are “pre-wired” while other traits are learned environmentally.  Yes, the ole’ nature vs. nurture.  I have discovered that both children will do what is asked, but yield very different results. For example,  if I ask my son, who is in Kindergarten, to color certain items a color, he does it.  Albeit, he scribbles to quickly complete the assigned task and is ready for another task within second.  However, my daughter will take her time and meticulously color and it seems like a tortuous amount of time.  When I ask my son to clean, he stands there, evaluates the task and delegates to his sisters what he thinks needs to be done. (Did I mention he usually delegates the whole task back to someone else?) If I ask my daughter to do the same thing, she does it.  Both children respond differently emotionally, educationally and physically to stimuli.  Is there a difference, you bet!

I found this article very informative about gender differences and explaining the differences that come with gender vs. the scientific reasons based on the amount of chemicals in our brain development.  This doctors article explains some things in a way I never considered.  Either way, it is up to us a parents to expose our children to tasks normally associated with both genders to give them experience, opportunities and skills.

Do you think there is a significant difference between boys and girls?  Why or why not?