“The only thing constant is change” is my mantra. It is my life. It is the military. It is motherhood.  It is the ability to adapt to unforeseen circumstances with a good attitude.  It is the reality that life is constantly evolving & changing.  I think as humans we tend to be creatures of habit and we resist that urge to have change.  However, as a mother I’m learning that I have to adapt and teach my children through my example. We had planned family time around this weekend as we were supposed to have a 4 day weekend. With weather make-ups, we no longer have those days off. My husband had taken leave…and now has canceled it. Our children were excited for the unannounced adventure our family was to take. Alas, it may be a day trip to Raleigh.

We weren’t going anywhere spectacular on a limited budget, but we do recognize the need for family escapes and fun. When you stay home you often get bombarded with family projects, the stress that is here, etc.  Sometimes escaping for a few days can rejuvenate us all enough to realize what we have in our little family unit and with our home. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

I have noticed that  my tween, especially, does not deal with change very well.  It throws her off and I know I have mentioned this in other blogs, but se feels like we have lied to her if plans have changed. She feels like we don’t do what we say. These are heavy allegations that my husband and I don’t take lightly to. This is not what we want our children thinking or believing. However, the reasons are legitimate…school was canceled due to weather and they had those days off just in a similarly unplanned manner.

So, we continue to compromise, think before speaking and be cautious about letting any “plans” vocalized within ear shot of our children.

How do you handle changes in plans with your tweens, do they “meltdown” or do they understand?

I have been a Mother for almost eight years now.  Maybe a little bit longer if you count the time I was pregnant with my tween.  I remember how excited my husband and I were to be pregnant with our first child!  I have always been one of those girls who dreamed of being a Mother. Having our first son was also a dream come for me. Motherhood was a little harder then I thought it would be. It wasn’t me just goo-ing over my perfectly dressed child all day!  Since that first child, we have been blessed with two more children. Blessed being the key word, we have been so blessed!!

I continue to love being a Mother!  I love staying home with them, learning from them and growing with them.  I was also a young Mom, I had my tween when I was 22 years old.  My life has turned out exactly how I planned it out. I am currently finding myself at this place where I am feeling a little lost though. Maybe a mid-life crisis (I’m only 31….so it can’t be that) or something. My life really is a dream, yet I am struggling personally.

The time has come for me to focus more time and efforts on myself…remember that 22 year old Mom who has been raising kids for the past eight years. Remember my talents, my strengths and my work ethic.  In this quest, I will only be posting one more blog post before I step down as a Mom Talk blogger for Tween Beat.

I want to be the VERY BEST version of Heidi that I can be for myself, my sweet husband and my children!!  Until then….Heidi

**This photograph was taken by Kristen Hassell, a talented photographer here in Jacksonville.

In our family, we love movies!  Watching movies as a family is probably one of our favorite things to do!

I have always been a movie buff and so is my husband.   As parents of tweens, we are very careful with the tv, movies and video games our tween views.  There are so many great movies out there for them and also so much garbage for them to view.

Here are a few of our current favorite movies to watch as a family;

*  Disney’s Tangled

*  Despicable Me

*  Where the Red Fern Grows

*  Swiss Family Robinson

*  Remember the Titans

*  Transformers

*  Mary Poppins

*  Night at The Museum

*  Up

*  Madagascar

*  Hook

*  Rudy

*  Veggie Tales

*  Robots

*  Star Wars the Clone Wars / Star Wars

*  Evan Almighty

*  Over the Hedge

*  Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium

*  Elf

*  Kung Fu Panda

*  Cars

Here are a few more classic movies I would like to add to our list of  favorite Family Movies…..

Mildest:

Milo and Otis,   You’re a Good Man Charlie Brown( Musical),   The Land before Time,  Spy Kids,  Pete’s Dragon,  Swiss Family Robinson,   Mary Poppins,  The Secret of Nimh,   Honey, I Shrunk The Kids,  The Last Unicorn,  Flight of the Navigator,  Bedknobs and Broomsticks, Batteries not included,   Indian In The Cupboard,  Newsies,  Annie,  The Music Man,  The Sound of Music,   An American Tale,  Short Circuit,   Black Beauty(1994),   Ewok Adventure,  The Land of Faraway,  Water Babies 

Milder:

The Neverending Story,  The Karate Kid,  Cloak and Dagger, Oliver!, Spy Kids,  Flight of Dragons,  The Wizard of Oz,  ,   Rudy,   The Adventures of Robin Hood (Errol Flynn version),   20,000 leagues under the sea (Kirk Douglas version),   Journey to the Center of the Earth (1959),  Fantastic Voyage(1966),  Old Yeller,   E.T.,   Where The Red Fern Grows,   The Quest-Frog Dreaming,   Masters of the Universe( He-Man),   Invaders from Mars,   The Black Stallion(1979),   Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles,   Superman, (1978)

Mild:

The Last Starfighter,  Legend,   Willow,  Labyrinth,   The Princess Bride,  My Science Project,  Suburban Commando,   Explorers, Buckaroo Banzai,  Krull,  The Dark Crystal,  Meatballs,  Bill and Teds Excellent Adventure,  Mannequin,  Close Encounters of the Third Kind,  War Games,   Dragonslayer,   Jumanji,    Harry and the Hendersons,   Little Monsters,   Jason and the Argonauts (1963),  Clash of the Titans,

**** I think I am going to print this list off and rent some of these classics for my tween and our family!!

So grab your popcorn and snow caps and have a fun movie night!!  Do you have any to add to the list of family favorites?

This past weekend my tween was working on her science fair project.  She was given the assignment about a month and half ago and was excitedly researching to discover “her” project.  She was excited to think she could win and move onto the State Science Fair.  Then she started showing signs of not caring.  When I spoke with her she simply stated, “it’s not my project.”  When I inquired what she meant she explained that her well intentioned father had changed her topic and had taken over.

I sat back and watched my husband and saw the excitement of a fourth grader in his eyes…he was reliving her experience.  It made me reflect on the moments when, as parents when we think we are helping, perhaps we are crippling our tweens or living vicariously through our kids. I know from experience that the feeling of doing something someone else wants you to do just to please is very unsettling. I had to stand up. I tried speaking with them both individually and then had to get louder because the well-intentioned Dad kept trying to do it even after we reread the teacher’s instructions on parental involvement.

Needless to say, after talking a lot, stepping back a lot and relinquishing childhood dreams, my daughter was still able to do her project even though it wasn’t “perfect.”  As parents we want the best for our children. We want them to succeed. We want them to excel. However, not ever child will mimic our strengths, desires or will.  I am learning to embrace each child for their strengths.  I’m learning to step back and mentor not lead.  I’m learning to listen more than talking.  I’m learning to watch for the non-verbal cues of “shutdown” that tweens can often do within their moods.

Most tweens want the same things as their parents.  Their journey may be smoother or bumpier, but I’m learning it’s their journey.  We cannot try to anticipate what the journey may bring because many of those experiences are what strengthens our characters.  I’m glad my daughter finally spoke up about her feelings and we were able to resolve this before project presentations.  Although she no longer wishes to win, she is at least doing her best to embrace her project and try to understand that her father meant no harm.

Have you ever felt like your child was hurt through your efforts to help?  Do you allow your tween to do everything on projects or do you intervene?

In a recent Mom Talk post, fellow blogger Kelly Gump had mentioned mom “cliques.” We all are familiar with being someplace with our child and we are there, but seemingly nonexistent to the other parents.  Or perhaps your tween has been there.  Cliques are a social issue and a fear of most “normal” people.

I have discovered that as the cliche goes, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.  Our children model our behavior.  If you have an issue with someone, it usually shines through their child.  Meaning, kids have a harder time deciding or being a judge of character when you have spoken alot about another person negatively or with alot of emotion to others.  Kids want to be loyal to their parents and to their ideals, standards, feelings and values at the tween age.  We may see some breaking away from that as they near the teen stage.  However, in my opinion, when a mom is selective or “clicky,” the children tend to be that way, too.  You cannot change others.  However, it can remind you to self evaluate and make sure the way we speak, react and treat people are with respect and kindness.

“Apparently of Eastern origin, it is frequently used to assert the continuity of family characteristics. Quot. 1839 implies return to one’s original home. Cf. 16th-cent. Ger. der Apfel fellt nicht gerne weit vom Baume, the apple does not usually fall far from the tree. Read more: http://www.answers.com/topic/the-apple-never-falls-far-from-the-tree#ixzz19rWzjlF6”

I found a rather humorous blog post at Bellyitch that a woman wrote about “you know you’re a snobby mom  if…”  You can read it here. The funny thing is that we all probably can relate with one or more of these.  Only read if you have a sense of humor.

I know that I have often felt as the one on the outs, but with that being said I also know I tend to be quieter and reserved among groups I’m not completely comfortable with.  So, I may be doing it to myself a bit too.  Although I’m not always in “presentation” mode either.  I hope I teach my kids to reserve judgment, that there are always two sides to every story, when in doubt, ask questions and we are not always right in our assessments.  I guess it comes back to the Golden Rule and treat others as you would like to be treated.  There will always be cliques and those who think they know best.  As for me, I will choose wisely where and with whom I spend time with, this is ultimately what I want my children to learn too.

How do you handle cliques?  Has your tween mentioned “cliques” or feeling left out?  Have you as a parent felt excluded?