I am not sure if you have seen the video below already or not, but I wanted to share a dose of brotherly love. This video sums up a big issue here at our house perfectly…an issue I think I may just need to learn to live with.

Jake and Sam are 17 months apart in age (much like the brothers here). While they love each other and will tell you they are each others best friend…they bicker…A LOT! What really gets me is that they keep going back for more…..just like big brother here in this video clip.

I tell them to walk away or give each other some space if they start to go at it, but 2 minutes later they are back together and 5 minutes after that….another fight. I am not sure what it is about brothers, but this video lets me know I am not alone and they are not unique

Do you have boys who bicker? Do you think their age difference plays a role?

I posted last week about my oldest, Jake, and his new found Tweendom. He has been pushing his limits lately with a lot of talking back and too much arguing for his own good. It has been a really rough week, but I am hopeful that he is starting to see the light and that soon we can get back on better terms.

I took some time this weekend to spend one on one with Jake. I felt like we really needed it after constant time outs, too much yelling and a general depressing mood around the house. We were in a funk and I wanted to get out of it as quickly as I could. After a couple of hours together with pleasant conversation I feel re-energized and like we may have turned a page….maybe.

I am not naive…I know that Jake is only 7 and this is all part of growing up. I also know that this past week was no fun and I would prefer if we did not string together that many days in a row again of discipline problems. My game plan is

• Give him a warning each time he starts to talk back….a “why don’ t you try that again” moment
• If he persists, he is disciplined with a time out or something taken away..I don’t ever want to let it slide
• Catch him being good…if he stops himself from being argumentative I need to recognize that..it is so important that they are cat being good sometimes
• Spend one on one time with him each day..even if only 10 minutes
• Do all I can to explain things to him and remind him how much I love him

We’ll see how my plan works To Be Continued……

Since my girls are twins, it kind of goes without saying that they spend a lot of time together.  They share toys, clothing, mom, dad, and everything under the sun.  I can’t imagine what it must be like to share absolutely everything and everyone in your life.  It also goes without saying that this often causes knock-down, drag-out battles; the ones that last all day and include copious amounts of whining, hitting, and screaming at each other. 

For quite awhile, I was worried that it was just the girls.  Rest assured twin moms, this isn’t the case.  Ann Hazard, a clinical psychologist from Harvard agrees that twins are more apt to argue and bicker than their single kid counterparts.  Why?  First, they’re competing for the same resources.  Hazard goes on to suggest that the intensity of the twin relationship is another factor in the seemingly constant battle.  Eileen Pearlman, author of Raising Twins: What Parents Want to Know (and What Twins Want to Tell Them),  states that “there is a lot of passion, because they love each other so much.  I can attest to this one; the girls can be arguing like cats and dogs and the second they’re separated, you’d think their world was grinding to a halt. 

So how does one deal with the constant bickering? First off, I separate them.  You wouldn’t be happy if you had to see the same person 24/7 for infinity.  It’s good to have some alone time.  I might take one for ice cream while dad goes to the toy store with the other child.  Just that small separation does them both a world of good.  The second thing I find most important is to stop the fighting before it escalates. 

Van, you go to my room;Mallory, you sit in the kitchen, we all need a break. 

This usually kicks the intensity down a notch.  Finally, you have to make it a point to spend time one on one with each twin.  This assures them that they’re special and gives them the individual attention that kids of any age so desperately need.  You can find more by clicking here. 

So, moms, whether of twins or single babies, how do you handle sibling in-fighting?  I’d love to hear your thoughts, ideas, and suggestions, so please share!

Who would ever think that two sisters would war over Barbie???  Well, believe it. This seems to be an everyday thing lately. 

“No,the Barbie with the pink dress is mine .”

“No,I had her first!”

These are the battle cries I hear in my home. 

Needless to say, as a result I’ve been looking for some practial tips to bring some tranquility back to the house.  I found 13 tips that are not only effective, but practical and easy to follow.  You can view the whole list at:  http://www.newsforparents.org/expert_kids_fighting.html

Here are the main points, taken directly from the above website:

Step 1: Look for patterns

Step 2: Observe your own behavior

Step 3: Look for root causes

Step 4: Talk to each child privately

Step 5: Take responsibility for your role

Step 6: Start spending “sacred time” with each kid

Step 7: Have family meetings

Step 8: Come up with a plan of action to together

Step 9: Teach your kids how to manage anger and work out conflicts

Step 10: Reinforce good behavior

Step 11: Get your kids to reflect on what worked

Step 12: Be prepared for some backsliding and don’t consider it a major set-back

Step 13: Never get too busy to say “I love you” and give hugs

Using these steps, I’ve come to realize that most fights occur in my house when the girls have not had enough alone time, which makes the above tip, providing sacred time for each child, a very important principle in my family.  Moreover, I had to step up and be the bad guy (hey what’s new?)  Fine, nobody’s going to play with Barbie, period.  I was suprised at how quickly the application of these principles began to effect the girls’ fighting.  There was an almost immediate reduction!!! 

Anyone else facing Barbie battles? Please share your suggestions, because I’d love to hear them!  Anything that helps you keep the peace, well,  just keep order between the natives would be great. Click the “reply” button below.