If you have read any of my other posts, you may know that my youngest son, Sam, is quite the ladies man. Since preschool he has been wowing the ladies..pushing them on the swings and holding their hands. Last year in kindergarten, they were fighting for him in a game of UNO!  This year is really no different, but with Valentines Day approaching, it makes me wonder…how young is too young to have a Valentine?

Sam with two of his "girlfriends" at school

I have two thoughts on this…first, it is harmless and cute to let him have a special valentine. He is only 6 and all it really means is making her a card and maybe an extra hug at school that day. My second thought is that it is ridiculous and there should be no mention of one special girl for that day. Last year he did have one special friend and it caused all kinds of stress that I could not believe. Girls would go home upset that Sam did not spend enough time with them or talk to them enough. It was really way too serious for 6 year olds.

I saw a sign for a sweetheart dance on base for 1st-5th grade. At first it sounded cute but then I remembered all of that drama from last year.  Being a mom of two boys, I think I just don’t understand how serious girls take these things. After all, I can’t recall much about my own first grade love life, but it seems to mean too much, too soon to the girls in Sam’s life.

I think I’ll urge him to lay low this year..spread the love and just get everyone the same Valentine with a ring pop He has plenty of time later to be serious on February 14th.

What about your kids? Do they have someone special? What is your advice to them?

I am hitting the road with the boys this week. After a too good to be true offer from Shades of Green, we are off to Disney once more! This time the trip will be a little different…..my husband can’t join us so we are traveling with friends….a co worker from school and her two boys.

The boys who will be heading to Disney together

Every other year we head to Disney with some friends from Ohio, but we have never visited with Sara and her kids. They have never been to Shades of Green either so I am excited to show them what a great resort it is. Throw in the fact that their last visit was nearly three years ago and her older son is Jake’s best friend and we are in for a great time! If we can only survive the 10 hour car ride with 4 boys all 8 years old or younger

While I feel bad that my husband can’t make it, I am thrilled that Sara was able to join us. Taking the trip with friends makes it feel different. We have been to Disney World many times and sometimes people ask me why we go so often. My reply is that we love it, but we also make it different each time. We stay at a new resort or visit different parks. This time, we will be experiencing it with friends who we have not vacationed with before. With 4 boys who are all almost tall enough to ride just about anything and another mom to help keep it all under control, I think we are in for a wonderful trip!

Have you vacationed with friends and their kids before? How did it go?

My daughter was recently selected to be one of three representatives for her grade and school for the state Science Fair.  Although she was relieved and semi-excited, the first things she expressed was that she was sad that her friends didn’t all get selected too.  Then she recounted how some of the kids pouted, wouldn’t talk to her or kept making comments about not winning themselves.  My daughter felt badly.  I thought it was a good time to discuss attitude and sportsmanship. No one likes to “lose” or feel like their efforts go unnoticed.  So, how do we as parents teach our children to do their best and let everything else happen how it will?.

Here are some things I have learned either as a parent or a coach from observations of myself, other parents and children.

1.  Be a good role model…with your child and team, as well as opponents.  Find the positive and focus on that.  Teach your child to be complimentary and sensitive to how the other may feel.

2.  Be honest with yourself…sometimes we as parents have other agendas or intentions to involve our child in a sport or push in an activity. Our children’s involvement in an activity should not be driven by us as parents.

3.  Create the rules. We create the rules for our own children.  If you see your child not being a good sport and notice a coach not catching it, wait until after practice or the event and talk about it.  It is our responsibility to address misbehavior and sometimes we need to stand up and talk privately with coaches or parents who may not be following good sportsmanship rules.

4.  Watch and learn.  When watching a sport or event look for teachable moments and engage your child with open-ended questions about how they would handle that situation.  Do more listening than lecturing.

As families we are constantly surrounded by opportunities to teach our children and learn new things ourselves.  Our attitudes and how we focus or react to circumstances ultimately is what is teaching our tweens.   I’m grateful to have had the chance to talk to my daughter about how different kids reacted to the announcement of the Science Fair.  I think she has a clearer perspective that we can’t change others, but how we act is the only thing we can control.

What are your tips in teaching good sportsmanship?

Siblings are just siblings, right?  Well, this weekend I realized why it’s so hard when some siblings have play dates and others don’t have them at the same time.  My children consider themselves not just siblings but friends. As my son told me this weekend, “I love sissy, I know she gets mad at me when her friends are over, but I just want to be with her and her friends are nice to me.” Boy, was that insightful and revealing.  My tween was completely annoyed with her brother because she had a play date and he kept trying to join in the fun.  In his 5 year old mind he was just doing what he always did, playing with his sister.  So, I took my son out to get doughnuts for everyone so she could have uninterrupted time with her friend.

My son discovered my true intentions and even asked why his sister didn’t like him anymore.  I explained that she loves him, but she also needs her space.  It is hard to see her playing with someone else when that is usually what he gets to do.  I felt badly that I hadn’t planned better so he too could have a play date over, although that could’ve meant two boys teasing two tweens   However, I also believe my children need to learn to compromise and realize that life is not always fair. (Harsh I know, but reality.) I think kids need to learn how to behave in all situations and learn to respect each other and their own individual space.

I wondered why it is so easy for others the same age as my children to treat their friend’s siblings nicer than their own.  Is it because they understand it is temporary?  When you don’t live with another person you don’t know everything about them, so you aren’t as irritated as the one who does know what they can be like.  Siblings know each other’s “magic buttons” to push.  Siblings can be hurtful to each other and rebound faster than friends.  Siblings see you through the worse and the best and still love you.  Friends don’t always give you that understanding or forgiveness.

As a parent I did talk with my tween about her behavior.  When she realized why her brother behaved “worse” than normal she calmed down a bit and could see the situation differently.  Sometimes we need to facilitate hard conversations as parents.  Sometimes we also need to teach our children these social issues and remind them to be kind to their siblings.

What do you do to avoid sibling/friend confrontations with your tweens?

I always enjoy watching my tween interact with other kids.  I find it interesting  how easy it is for my tween to bond with ANYONE who likes to play sports.  It is like an automatic friendship if they want to toss the football with him.  What about him having fun with tweens who would prefer not to play sports all day?  I recently learned a good lesson about this.

Lincoln has a darling neighbor friend we spend a lot of time with playing in the backyard.  These two have always been friends, but playing sports is not the center of their friendship.

For Christmas, we got Lincoln a few Transformers. He has always loved Transformers but isn’t the best about playing by himself.  This cute neighbor friend of his, LOVES Transformers.  All of a sudden, we found these two playing Transformers together non-stop!!  They had found the thing they loved to do together!  It was like watching magic…instead of playing separately, they were so into playing with their Transformers and hours of play passed by!!

As a parent, that was a really fun thing to watch.  Different people bring out different sides of who we are.  Lincoln isn’t the best at imaginary play, but add a great little neighbor friend and he is in another little imaginary world!!

Thank you sweet neighbor boy for teaching Lincoln another aspect of fun!!  Thank you Transformers for creating such fun toys and imaginary play for our kids!!

What are some activities your child has started to like because of a friend?