Fall weather has us exccited to exercise in a more comfortable temperature, wanting to play outside and take advantage of the fresh air, and enjoying mother nature’s gifts.  Leaves are turning colors, pumpkin picking is over and we sense winter coming.  This is a time of year that can become very busy and hectic, but it’s important to remember to slow down the pace and let our tweens have stress free fun outside!

Our kids are inside the majority of the day at school and have limited daylight when they come home.  We are trying to switch the schedule a little to play before homework so that they can take advantage of daylight.  We are enjoying our less scheduled time together and are playing outside, ALOT!

Here are some suggestions to get your tween outside and having fun:

Take a walk as a family

Play a hardy game of tag

Do yardwork together

Build something together…birdhouses or feeders are perfect this time of year.

Have a spontaneous outdoor marshmallow war as a family.

Have a cookout or Roast Marshmallows together and enjoy being outdoors telling stories.

There are many fall fun activities to do as a family to get you outside being active and building healthy relationships.

Why is fresh air important?  Fresh air produces a healthy mind, clean lungs, and a calmer constitution when we actively use it. Getting outdoors should not be a chore, but a privilege. Enjoy the earth and get your dose of fresh air.

The National Wildlife Federation urges parents to institute an outdoor “green hour” for kids. Start by suggesting just one more activity each weekend–a family bike ride or an after-dinner walk. Next, add a weekday event. Some other ideas (find more at greenhour.org)  By making outdoor play mandatory and being out with your kids, you are also taking advantage of the benefits of fresh air and living the example!

What are your family’s favorite fall activities?

In a few weeks the White Oak River Dance Company will present the Nutcracker at Swansboro High.  For many it’s just another production or a possible weekend activity.  For my daughter and the cast, it’s the culmination of weekly practices.  The dancers have been meeting a minimum of 4 hours to practice and dance every Saturday since August.  Many parents have volunteered countless hours making sets, props, coordinating tickets, passing fliers around, etc.  It’s just around the corner!  What does that mean for me? A welcome change.  In about 3 weeks, my son will be done with soccer and me with coaching, my daughter’s performances will be done and our family will reclaim our Saturdays and resume a less hectic schedule during the week.

We will all welcome the change.  When you schedule a child, you schedule a parent.  If the parent (me) cannot handle the schedule or the child, then it needs to change as it is no longer beneficial for everyone involved.  I like to be busy, but not so busy that I feel like a revolving door or that I don’t even get to enjoy the home we pay for.  We have always allowed our children to choose their activity and while my daughter will continue her dance classes, she too has decided to drop down to just her favorite 3 classes (this was without any parental discussion).  Will she still have occasional performances?  Yes.  However, they will not be every weekend.

We are all looking forward to the change of schedule and pace.  Even my son, as much as he loves soccer and wants to do something, has shown signs of being over scheduled now that he is in full day school.  He is often tired and out of sorts and has mentioned missing playing with the neighbors.  The more children you have and different ages and sexes, the harder it gets to get them involved in the same activities so that you aren’t always running around.  The past few months have been a learning period for us and we are grateful that our change is coming!

Have you ever had to readjust your family’s schedule due to craziness, being overscheduled or always on the run?

There are times that we all need to “escape.”  Whether it is from the realities of our situation, from homework, from the mundane routine we find ourselves in or in meditation and relaxation.  I recently caught my tween in the backyard on our teeter totter looking like she knew where she was going to escape.  In her imaginative way she was heading on a fabulous journey with determination.  It was OK to go with her, but she wasn’t stopping to wait.  How do our tweens escape the pressures on them?

My tween loves to create.  She “escapes” in drawing, reading, playing in nature, and by crafting.  She doesn’t always have to be with others and frequently chooses to do this on her own.  She has learned that it is OK to escape and find respite in her activities that bring calm, peace and joy to her.  How do you foster a healthy imagination?  I believe in trying not to over-schedule so that our tweens can have time to play, create and enjoy time.  Boredom is not in our vocabulary.  We only watch TV (this includes me too) as a family on the weekend and non-school days.

I loved watching my children create things out of boxes, swing in the hammock, jump on the trampoline and imagine together in the “treehouse” this past week with their cousins and friends.  I love watching my tween “morph” into that place of escape on the beach as she walked and relaxed in the sand.

As mothers, we too need our escapes.  Whether our escapes are in crafting, reading, watching a favorite show, exercising, creating, get-togethers, spending time with a friend, dreaming, writing, discovering new ideas, we  need these “escapes” to keep us sane and healthy.  We are also teaching our children through our examples of how to do this.

What are some things that you do to find mini escapes?  Have you built them into your Mom routine and how?  How do you teach your children to “escape” and relax?

Pre-teens who spent more than two hours a day in front of the TV or computer were at greater risk of having psychological problems than youngsters averaging less screen time, even if the kids also tended to be physically active, new research finds.

The study, published online Oct. 11 and in the November print issue of Pediatrics, found that the risk of psychological difficulties increased by about 60 percent when kids between 10 and 11 years old spent more than two hours daily watching TV or playing on the computer.

“Children who spent more than two hours per day watching television or using a computer were at increased risk of high levels of psychological difficulties,” regardless of how physically active they were, study lead author Angie Page, from the Centre for Exercise, Nutrition and Health Sciences at the University of Bristol in England, and colleagues found.

Still, the experts stressed that the study can’t discern whether media exposure causes psychological woes in kids, or whether troubled children simply prefer spending time in front of computers or the TV.

Previous studies have linked excessive TV viewing with childhood obesity, and both TV and computer use have been associated with psychological problems and an increase in sedentary time, according to background information in the study.

Page said the researchers decided to undertake this study because while it’s known that physical activity is good for both physical and mental health in children, it wasn’t clear if high physical activity levels could compensate for the adverse effects associated with high TV and computer use.

The study included more than 1,000 children between the ages of 10 and 11. The youngsters were recruited from 23 schools in Bristol, and all of the children self-reported their TV and computer use.

The researchers had all of the children complete a Strengths and Difficulties questionnaire, which is designed to measure psychological difficulties, such as hyperactivity, inattention, social problems and conduct issues.

“The difficulties measured by this questionnaire are not subtle things,” noted Dr. Alan Mendelsohn, an associate professor of pediatrics at the New York University School of Medicine in New York City. “These are big-deal issues, like hyperactivity, difficulty with peers and friends, poor conduct and antisocial kinds of behaviors.”

Overall, most children reported spending between an hour or two a day on TV and computer use for entertainment. On average, boys were moderately to vigorously active for an average of 83 minutes per day, versus 63 minutes for girls, according to the study.

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Body image is something that we all struggle with.  Tweens are not exempt.  My daughter has asked why she hasn’t hit the apparent growth spurt her friends have.  She wonders when that “time” will come.  I am realizing more and more the importance of teaching her to love herself.  Embrace the good. Focus on her positive characteristics and character traits rather than outside appearance.  I am learning that as parents we have the responsibility and rights to set the tone and be better at exemplifying these within ourselves as well.  I am also learning (still) that there are appropriate times just to listen and not always solve or advise.  There are moments that our tweens just need to feel loved and need a hug of reassurance.

Author Donna Fish wrote, “so what is a parent to do who is hoping to help her tween emerge into the teenage years and adulthood with any semblance of self esteem? Here are some tips:

1) Don’t EXPECT them to maintain a ‘positive body image’. If it happens, terrific. If not though, don’t worry that they are abnormal. In fact, they are completely normal.

2) They will try to ‘off load’ the ‘bad feelings’ about themselves onto you. This is done by telling you things like: “I hate my thighs”, or: “I always look terrible”. They need to ‘off load’ the intensity of their feelings and unfortunately or fortunately depending on how you think about it, you are their target. That way, they get to relieve the pressure. Oh, the joys of motherhood!

3) Their negative and critical comments may trigger in you feelings of responsibility for needing to help them have ‘good self esteem’. This is not your problem. Your job is to help them ‘tolerate’ the feelings without acting in a self destructive manner. You do this by surviving their ‘dumping’ their feelings onto you at times, and otherwise, ‘get out of the way!

4) Their self criticism may trigger your own self criticism. About yourself as a parent, or about your own body. Be aware of anything that you notice and separate your own feelings out as much as you can.

5) If they say nothing, don’t think it is necessarily a reflection of a positive body image. They might be hiding their feelings for some reason.

6) Watch out for drops in weight and ongoing weight loss. Seek professional help if this continues and/or they are starting a binge/purge cycle.

7) Try not to get sucked into their drama. They will do everything as I said, to ‘offload’ the feelings, often in the form of a fight. This actually might help distract everyone and will inevitably happen at times, but try to decrease the amount of times you get sucked in.

8)  Take many deep breaths. Remind yourself that it is not your job to help them ‘feel better’. It is your job to give them space to work this out and feel it themselves. Become a little hard of hearing.”

Have your tweens expressed concern over their image?  How do you foster better self esteem with your tween?