One thing my tween has to deal with is his siblings.  He is the oldest of our three children.  Being the oldest has it’s perks.  But being the oldest also comes with responsibilities.  I rely alot on Lincoln to help me with our baby.  Often he will get her out of her crib in the morning, get her a sippie cup and read her stories.  He really loves her and likes to help, but sometimes he doesn’t want to help.

I have tried to teach him the importance of looking out for his little sisters.  In turn, I have noticed that he also looks out for other little children.  It is an important concept to teach out tweens.  I hope to instill in him the importance of not only looking out for younger children, but also standing up for himself and for things he feels strongly about.

I think the basis of this comes from teaching him right from wrong, teaching him to look for the good in others and stand up for those who are picked on or made fun of.    I feel like Lincoln has a good grasp on this.  Is he perfect at it…no?  But that’s okay.  I think one of the best ways I can teach him these things are through example.  I know he watches his Dad and me.  He wants to be like us…so we better be on our best behavior for him!!!

How do you teach your tween how to look out for those who are younger and also those who might not be ‘cool’?

Everything in a kid’s world is black or white; right or wrong.  For example, my twin daughters Vannah and Mal recently had a birthday.  I got them both Barbie dolls and while Mallory was enthralled, Vannah was upset because she didn’t get  the Swan Palace that she wanted (because it’s going to be a Christmas present).  She told both my husband and I that she didn’t want this, she asked for something different.  This is where it gets hairy; how do you explain to your kids that sometimes you can’t tell the honest truth if you want to save someone hurt feelings?

Example A:  When I was roughly 14 years old, I had an aunt who got me a Chia Pet.  Yes, a Chia Pet.  This was a horrible present, I hated it, but I wouldn’t have ever told her that I didn’t like it!  That’s rude and it hurts someone’s feelings.  With the holidays coming around and the girls now developing strong likes and dislikes, this is something we have to address.  It’s kind of like a catch-22.  I tell the girls to always tell the truth, but then I have to somehow explain that sometimes you should “gloss it over” in order to spare someone’s feelings. 

My first question is:  Is it moral to lie to spare someone the pain of hurt feelings?  I personally do.  I’ve gotten many horrible presents over the years, but it’s the thought that counts.  That person took the time and spent the money to buy something for me and that, in itself, is worthy of appreciation. 

My second question is:  Do you encourage your kids to “gloss it over” to save someone’s feelings?  Or do you encourage them to tell the truth and nothing but the truth?  It’s a fine line here, and I think it’s difficult for a 6-year-old to understand the gray area between lying and being polite.  I’d love to hear your thoughts, how you address this issue, and your opinions, because I’m at a bit of a loss.  This time at least, the incident occured with Jon and I so we weren’t offended; however, it’s just a matter of time before the same issue surfaces with someone who isn’t as understanding and who is more sensitive. 

Suggestions, opinions, thoughts?!  Please share, I’d need some feedback on this one!