We have all survived the first week and a half of a new school year.  New classrooms, new dynamics, new teachers and new classmates.  As with most tweens, my daughter is not exempt from wanting to make new friends.  Since we are military and have lived here for almost 5 years, we have seen the constant move-ins and move-outs of our children’s friends.

My tween especially needs a close friend.  Unfortunately, she has not been able to make that “best friend” for a long time.  This year she knew a few girls in her fourth grade class and one was from her dance school.  She’s not only excited about having her in her class, she wants to do everything that she does, including taking 8 dance classes and dancing every day of the week!  She also wants to “dress to impress,” regardless of mom’s two cents about weather, matching or over accessorizing.  That’s quite the change from what my tween expressed last week before dance open house.  So, is this peer pressure or wanting and needing a new friend?

I am one to believe that a little healthy peer pressure can be good and so can making new friends.  I also think that taking dance will be good for my daughter as long as she can learn to be disciplined about homework and continue to do well without stressing herself out.  I am a little worried she may be over-scheduling herself, but thankfully, her dance director is very open and honest with me and willing to try this for a few months and then evaluate and readjust her dance schedule if necessary.

Being involved in extra curriculars helps boost self-esteem, helps build new friendships, teaches self-discipline, and has many positive affects for our tweens.  Although peer pressure normally has a negative connotation, it can sometimes be positive when those people or friends encourage you to stretch yourself and develop talents that you possess.   Despite last week’s article I wrote about to Dance or Not to Dance, my daughter has changed her mind again (surprise, surprise:)) and is now dancing 3 times a week in 4 different classes.  We did negotiate because of her siblings’ schedule and because I helped her realize that Mom isn’t superwoman.

I found this article especially helpful for my tween daughter… http://www.preteenagerstoday.com/resources/articles/girlyguide.htm

Have you found your tween faced with peer pressure?  Do your tween’s new friends encourage your tween to try new activities?  Do you believe peer pressure to be a negative or a positive?

“At home your child deserves caring parents who reprove with love and spend the rest of their time helping him feel like he can conquer the world.”

Delbert T. Goates, M.D.

A positive Self-Esteem is one of the best gifts we can foster for our tween’s.  We live in a pretty harsh world where our tween’s are often beat down.  For the most part, the world won’t build them up, compliment them and cheer for them.  Through their peer’s, they will learn that they are not good enough, cool enough, skinny enough or smart enough.

The one place that our tween’s can develop a positive self-image is within the walls of our home.  As parent’s, we can make a choice.  We either join the pack of wolves and keep beating our tween’s down.  Or, we can be their biggest cheerleader, see the good in them, be patient with them and bite our tongue when we need to.

By helping to build a positive self-esteem in our children we are arming them for life.  We are giving the best solid foundation for them in their lives.  Tween’s who like themselves, feel good about themselves and see their personal worth won’t fall to the temptations of the world.  They will be strong enough to say no to things they know are wrong.

Tell your tween’s again and again how special they are, how smart they are and how absolutely wonderful they are.  Then, they will feel as if they CAN conquer the world and not shrink away in fear of the world eating them up.

How do you foster a positive self-esteem for your tween?

We all experience it at one time or another: the eye roll, heavy sigh, or hands on the hips.  It can even be a knock down, drag out arguement with the kids.  Aaaah yes, the signs of struggling independence, a.k.a attitude.  As a parent, it’s easy to get mad, overreact, or even just ignore it.  But before we’re able to deal with attitude we have to understand where it comes from. 

The following video is very informative and addresses why tweens have attitude.  You can watch it by clicking here.

For me, this video shined some light on the social aspect of attitude.  Today our kids are pressured to act much older than they really are.  It’s not like being a kid is easy to begin with, throw in media and peer pressure and you have a recipe for a bad attitude.  I think one of the first things that we, as parents, can do to stifle this pressure is to communicate with our children.  Let them know what we expect and what is acceptable.  This way we can instill our values, which may serve as a guide for their decision making.

Another important way to help your children is to be involved, such as volunteer at their school, go to their sporting events, and do things with them.  All of these activities provide additional opportunities for communication and possibly communicating your family values.  Parents who are involved are also more apt to know what’s going on in their child’s life.  You can’t deal with problems that you don’t know about. 

A certain amount of attitude is normal; I did it, you did it, we all did.  It’s part of becoming a healthy young adult.  We know that being a tween or teen today is challenging and parents have to be there to help children face those challenges and make the right decisions.  We can do this by being involved, communicating our values, and just talking to our kids. 

How do you deal with the social pressure put on your children?  How do you handle attitude? Please share below in the comment field.

Since Mallory and Vannah have started school, I have noticed that they’ve picked up bad habits from other kids.  We don’t say “hate” in this house.  It’s an exceptionally strong word and I don’t believe for a second that either could comprehend the seriousness of its use.  Mallory came home a few days ago and mentioned that she “hated” one of her classmates and wasn’t her friend anymore.

So starts the battle against peer pressure.  Savannah came home a few days after the first incident and asked me for a Bratz doll.  I despise those dolls; I have a fundamental problem with buying my kids a doll that looks like she’s getting ready to head out to a bar or club. I don’t dress like that; I don’t expect my children to dress like that while they’re under my roof either.  I don’t want them to think it’s cool to dress like that.

So now I’m left wondering how I can impress our values upon the girls.  First and foremost, I think an age appropriate explanation is required. I explained to Mallory that hate is a nasty and mean word and she should not use it.  I told her that dislike would be more appropriate.  I also talked to Vannah about dignity and class.  Barbie looked elegant and classy in her evening gown.  The same was not true for the Bratz doll.

I honestly believe that our kids live in a much different world where rude seems to be the new social norm, where parents try to be friends, and where nobody’s truly accountable for their actions anymore.  I want my children to be compassionate, polite, respectful, and have dignity.  I want them to be enthusiastic and have focus in their lives.  I want them to respect themselves. It seems like it’s becoming an uphill battle because they’re being hit from all sides.  Peer pressure, the media, toy makers, and the people that are looked up to in our society seem to be sending the wrong message.  I’m not quite sure how to win this one, but I’ll do my best and in doing so, I hope to set my children on the right path and instill values that will last a lifetime.

How are you doing with establishing values for your kids?