I knew the day was coming. My tween recently asked, “What’s wrong with me?  Why do I have to take medication?”

ADHD runs in my family.  In fact, both my husband and I have it.  We were not treated until adulthood.  We both had different types and challenges but can remember feeling a little different and not knowing why.  We both achieved academically by hyper focusing, but it often took more time and effort for us, over the average kid.

I started seeing more issues arise when I was in college.  My husband saw them after responsibilities kept piling on and he had too much to focus on.  My daughter showed signs around Kindergarten but was treated with behavioral therapy initial, then later with medications.

Well, the time has come. She asked so we sat down and told her more specifics about the disorder and used examples of what she does that are symptoms of ADHD.  Since we give her “med vacations” she has started seeing and recognizing the difference in her ability to focus and achieve.  She is in the gifted program but has had some learning disabilities also associated with her ADHD.

Being honest with your tween and open about health issues creates trust and a foundation to get the most help for them before it is too late.  Also, finding hobbies or “escapes” that are positive help their self esteem, builds confidence and fosters time management.

This article written for O’Healthy describes the different types of ADHD.  Most kids can function until about the third grade before starting to show signs of needing intervention.  Many parents don’t want to think that their child needs help or medication.  It is a chemical imbalance of the brain and it can be genetic.

Much focus is given to the negatives of ADHD, but there are many positive characteristics as listed by Pete Quily.  The full list is found here.

• Ability to find alternate paths to overcome obstacles
• Always willing to help others
• Ambitious – you want to be everything when “you grow up”
• Artistic
• Being able to see the big picture
• Being able to see the patterns in the chaos.
• Being intuitive towards others’ difficulties
• Broad focus – can see more, notice things more
• Can create order from chaos
• Can do many projects at once
• Can make people feel they are heard
• Can see the big picture
• Can talk about several things at one time
• Can think on my feet
• Comfortable talking in front of groups
• Comfortable with change and chaos
• Compassion for others and for themselves
• Conceptualizes well
• Creative writing
• Creative – musical, artistic, “dramatic”
• Good in a crisis
• Good at customer relations
• Dedicated
• Detail-oriented
• Determined to gain more control
• Eager to make friends
• Eager to try new things
• Empathetic, sensitive
• Energetic
• Entrepreneurial
• Good at motivating self and others
• Good at multitasking
• Good at problem solving
• Good at understanding others/mind reading – empathetic
• Good conversationalist
• Good delegator and good at organizing others
• Good in emergency situations
• Good listener

When dealing with tween health issues, what is your philosophy?

My brother wished me another Dysfunctional New Year.  It made me think of this magnet that a close friend gave to me shortly after we met.  It was an unspoken understanding and a reminder to be positive.  I love this magnet not just because of who gave it to me, but because it puts “normal” in a different light.   All jokes aside, many of us didn’t grow up in “normal” families.  Being military, some may view our lifestyle as dysfunctional.  I feel like it’s my responsibility to put the fun back into my children’s life when our lifestyle can sometimes seem dysfunctional with my husband’s frequent absence.

Many remind me that there is no “normal.”  Some define dysfunction as high drama.  Whatever it is, I believe my brother was still wishing me a Great New Year’s!  It also made me think of what my resolutions would be this year.  I can be a little type A and I don’t like failure or setting goals and not achieving them, so my resolutions remain unwritten and are still under current thought process.

I do know that with a new year, my tween will be turning 11 and getting closer to many life changes.  I know that hormonally we will definitely need to replace fun in the dysfunction.  I know that I need to continue teaching her life skills, social skills, and trying to emulate the type of person  I would like her to become.  Which means, I need to do better.  I need to resolve to be a better example and role model.  I need to work on my insecurities so that I don’t “spread” them to her.  I need to be quick to admit I’m wrong, quick to forgive and be willing to “fight” for what’s right and what is worth saving.

What are your New Year’s Resolutions?  How are you going to put Fun into the New Year?

It’s another vacation day.  You know the routine: we get up earlier than we’d ike for “vacation,” the kids are playing nicely for a while, you eat breakfast and then, it hits!  The spat!  Siblings love and hate each other.  They notice every little thing and detail.  Who got more presents, who gets more attention, who got more dessert and then the wheels in their little heads start to turn and they fuel a fight.  It’s a mother’s typical day and nightmare.  It’s something that I know I wish I could know exactly how to handle.  As for now, I have found the best way is to let them resolve it on their own.

Siblings have their disagreements which is normal.  However, it sometimes can become extreme.  I have noticed that it occurs with or without age spans and can come and go with the drop of a hat.  My children have a love-hate relationship, but they are each other’s biggest fans and defenders.

How do you aid in having healthy sibling relationships?

We have found that having your children work together may seem difficult as first, but is often worth the extra effort and time involved.  Children need responsibility and opportunities to rely on each other and to succeed together and not be at competition with each other.  Experts agree that the way we present relationships are crucial at teaching our children life skills and relationship skills.

With the holiday breaks and the more time left at home together, siblings may be encountering more spats than normal.  They may be envious of each others gifts, time spent together, friends, etc.  Of course, they also notice where mom’s attention is divided and that also becomes difficult to gauge.  I have been noticing that allowing my children their space, privacy is just as important to their togetherness.

What do you do when siblings fight?  Do you engage, resolve, or leave them to work it out?

Even Moms need breaks!  I have realized that I’m a better Mom and Wife when I get a break.  It rang true this past week when I was able to go with some friends to a baby shower.  I was renewed and felt like me again.  Don’t get me wrong, I love my life and my children and husband.  Sometimes I just need to be around others who face the same challenges and are finding the balance to be reminded who I am and who I want to be.

This past week I have had the car twice.  To some this may sound tortuous.  I have taken it as an excuse not to overschedule or “busy” myself and have been quite productive with projects, de-cluttering and reading 4 Novels, too.  I was very relaxed and balanced.  In fact, I even told my husband that I wouldn’t be too upset if I didn’t have my own car for a while.  Early in my marriage working off one car would suffocate me.  Now, not so much.  I have been productive on the days he had car and spent much time cuddling, reading and doing things that needed to be done around the house.

All of us need breaks, even Super Mom.  All of us are different and have different needs.  Some need more breaks than others.  Some less.  Neither is wrong.  My mother gave me wise advice once to “do something nice for yourself every day.”  I sensed regret in her voice as if she had lost herself in mothering.  I have heard that you find yourself when serving others.  However, there is always a balance to all things.

With the holiday season, as many things fall on Mom’s list of to-do’s, remember to take time for yourself too.  It is easy to take the reason of the season away if we get too over focused on making things perfect.  Relax.  Take time to look at all the little “imperfections” and remember the moment with our children.  We will miss the small things.

Have you found your stress level rising as we get closer to holiday break?  What do you do to remember you?

“Mom, I need to do homework.”  For most tweens, this is the dreaded phrase, however, for my daughter, it means projects!  My daughter has found herself doing her regular homework and having 2 huge AIG projects.  So, although she is up to date and not overwhelmed in her regular classes, she still has research, experiments and projects to be continuously working on.

I am so proud of her.  We don’t watch TV during the school week or on school nights, so that leaves Friday or Saturday evening.  Even during the holiday break she declined to watch any TV because she had to do “homework.”  I have found myself watching her in amazement as she has learned self discipline, dedication, goal setting and prioritizing her time.  She has found out when she does take down time what she enjoys doing…spending time with the family, drawing or crafting.  So, is homework such a bad thing?.

By re-phrasing homework or assignments into projects, her gifted teacher has made the learning process one of fun and excitement.  By allowing the children to decide within the perimeters set, she has taught them to be decision makers.  By giving a timeline of due dates, she has taught time management and responsibility.  Sharing past experiences has motivated my daughter to want to pick something unique that could possible lead her to competitions, again appealing to another side of my daughter.

We as parents have had to step back and allow her to “grow up.”  It is so easy to want to step in and tell her what we think she should do because it will definitely win, right?.  Wrong.  It is easy for us to hold her hand and “help,” but I’m inclined to think it’s crippling her if we do not step back and let her decide and we supervise and offer advice when asked.  This stage is so hard, but it is crucial to her growing up.  I find myself biting my tongue and having to let things go that I would have done differently.  I find myself not saying, “I told you so,” and just hugging her and listening to her humble, “I should have listened to you.”  I find myself in awe as a parent watching the growing phases and realize why we call them the growing pains.

Do you find your tween overburdened with homework or accurately balanced for their age and grade?  Do you as a parent feel inclined to fix mistakes or allow them to accept consequences of perhaps doing homework too quickly?  Where’s the fine line?