Last week celebrated another report card.  It also marked an early spring as Phil did not see his shadow! In my books, there is plenty to celebrate! We do not pay our children for grades. We do not pay them for chores.  However, we do like to do spontaneous celebrations of them. This includes theme nights, favorite foods, family fun, favorite game, etc. The best part about it….you never know when Mom is going to surprise you with a celebration, hence, our family motto, every day’s a party!

Celebrating doesn’t take a lot of preparation, money or decor. It takes good ole’ fashion time. I’m realizing how much my children have come to value that time with family. They value the surprises and celebrations. It encourages us to be our best self. It encourages cooperation, teamwork and being each other’s cheerleaders. Family is a reason to celebrate in itself. Perhaps I’m getting old and more sentimental, but I look at my almost 11 year old and I realize that she has less time at home now than not. I look at my younger two and realize that time is too precious to waste wishing I would have. It’s time to do. Do the things I think about and not have regrets.

As we looked at the comments about our children on their report cards, of course we were proud at their grades, but more importantly we are proud about the great people they are becoming. That is reason to celebrate!

My boys favorites is good ole’ hamburgers.  My daughters favorites is anything fancy.  So, last week called for fancy drinks, “restaurant-style” serving and a family meal of conversation and praise. There are so many ways we can celebrate each other, but what is important is that we do it. Don’t take accomplishments for granted. Make sure you are equal or at least equally showing each person you care and love them. I love to watch my 19 month as she gets celebrated for helping to set the table….is it perfect, NO. However, when she gets thanked and acknowledged, there is nothing cuter than her clapping for herself.

How do you celebrate hard work and accomplishments in your home?

Both my older children are dramatic.  They have a certain flair for drama, music, dance and they like the attention.  These characteristics all equate to budding thespians. I’ll admit I was in drama throughout high school and started when I was quite young, too.  It gave me confidence, power in public speaking, allowed me to “escape” reality and pretend to be other people, fostered creativity and imagination, allowed friendships, gave me skills and most importantly I discovered something I enjoyed.

I recently received an email from a friend telling me of auditions.  Since my daughter is very involved in dance and soccer was over, I asked my son if he was interested in auditioning.  He enthusiastically said ‘YES!’  Then mom instincts kicked in and I thought of all the what-ifs.  What-if my sensitive little boy doesn’t get cast?  Is he emotionally equipped to deal with “rejection?”  What if he is cast, is he prepared to perform in front of large audienceswithout messing up or forgetting and again having an “emotional breakdown?.”  So, we will go audition and Mom will take a big breath and chalk this up for experience, right?!  Stay tuned for updates….

(thes·pi·an  (thsp-n) adj. 1. Of or relating to drama; dramatic: thespian talents.2. Thespian Of or relating to Thespis.n. An actor or actress.)

As parents we often feel like we have to “protect” our young.  However, we won’t always be there.  We can’t control every circumstance.  The worse thing that could happen from an audition is that they say, ‘No.’  The best, he gets a great experience with ups and downs.  I feel like I should give my children choices in what things they try and different things without pushing my likes or my husbands.  Each of my children are unique in talent and personality.   I think my mama bear instinct is overprotective.

Have you ever allowed your child to participate in something even though there was a chance for complete failure or negative outcomes?   How do you foster your children’s interests?

From previous posts you may know that my youngest son Sam is not a morning person. 7AM comes much too early for him and getting ready for school is last on his list of things he wants to do. On the other end of the day…he does not think much of bed time either. If he could stay up until midnight he would. Well, he will be 7 this year and as I have said to him….enough is enough!

Someone needs to tell Sam he is not this old anymore!

Neither of these traits were ever cute, but I always thought he would outgrow them. I never dreamed that he would still be whining each morning when told to eat his breakfast or that he would still come out of his room 5 times AFTER being tucked in. At some point I just figured it would end, but it appears I was very wrong.

I have tried reasoning, ignoring and yelling…no approach seems to do the trick. I think I may just have to accept that he is a night person and mornings will always be rough for him. I have to hold onto hope that at 15 he won’t still be rolling around on the floor at 7:30 AM saying he hates getting dressed

I assume at some point he will find a way to still not like the morning routine and heading to bed at a decent hour, but contain himself and just push through it. Until that day…don’t call me around 7:30 AM or 7:30 PM…..it is not pretty here then.

Do you have a tween who still acts like a much younger child sometimes?

This past weekend my tween was working on her science fair project.  She was given the assignment about a month and half ago and was excitedly researching to discover “her” project.  She was excited to think she could win and move onto the State Science Fair.  Then she started showing signs of not caring.  When I spoke with her she simply stated, “it’s not my project.”  When I inquired what she meant she explained that her well intentioned father had changed her topic and had taken over.

I sat back and watched my husband and saw the excitement of a fourth grader in his eyes…he was reliving her experience.  It made me reflect on the moments when, as parents when we think we are helping, perhaps we are crippling our tweens or living vicariously through our kids. I know from experience that the feeling of doing something someone else wants you to do just to please is very unsettling. I had to stand up. I tried speaking with them both individually and then had to get louder because the well-intentioned Dad kept trying to do it even after we reread the teacher’s instructions on parental involvement.

Needless to say, after talking a lot, stepping back a lot and relinquishing childhood dreams, my daughter was still able to do her project even though it wasn’t “perfect.”  As parents we want the best for our children. We want them to succeed. We want them to excel. However, not ever child will mimic our strengths, desires or will.  I am learning to embrace each child for their strengths.  I’m learning to step back and mentor not lead.  I’m learning to listen more than talking.  I’m learning to watch for the non-verbal cues of “shutdown” that tweens can often do within their moods.

Most tweens want the same things as their parents.  Their journey may be smoother or bumpier, but I’m learning it’s their journey.  We cannot try to anticipate what the journey may bring because many of those experiences are what strengthens our characters.  I’m glad my daughter finally spoke up about her feelings and we were able to resolve this before project presentations.  Although she no longer wishes to win, she is at least doing her best to embrace her project and try to understand that her father meant no harm.

Have you ever felt like your child was hurt through your efforts to help?  Do you allow your tween to do everything on projects or do you intervene?

Merry Christmas Everyone!!!

Last Friday the boys wrapped up school and I wrapped up work. It is nice to be able to have two full weeks off with both of them and it is much needed time to re-charge for the winter months ahead. School was full of parties, cookies, movie days and book exchanges. It was topped off with two concerts…one featuring my adorable preschoolers and a second featuring my even more adorable Jake and Sam

Mr. Narrator

As I mentioned in an earlier post, Sam volunteered to be the narrator for the school age concert. Upon meeting my kids you would expect Jake to be the one who would jump at that chance, but it was Sam. He had weeks to rehearse his lines (and there were many of them) and Thursday he finally had his chance to shine. Since he had never done anything like this before (microphone and all) I was not sure how it would go….I was pleasantly surprised.

You would have thought Sam had been speaking in public his entire life. He walked right up, adjusted the mic to his level and delivered his lines. He even turned to watch his brother and friends sing and then he would casually turn back to his post, find his place and continue. You couldn’t see him over the top of the podium but you sure could hear him and it went off without a hitch.

I can see that this experience really built some confidence in Sam. Any hesitation or fear he had did not show and he knows he did well. I really feel that something like this can set a child up either way…to try something like this again or to step back next time volunteers are recruited. I am just very happy it was a positive experience for him and he left that day with a smile and no tears.

Did you child have a holiday concert this year? How did it go?