We recently were helping out a friend whose other daughter had surgery.  My tween’s girlfriend came home with her after school to go to a dance and sleep over while her sister recovered.  I knew that since our policy is no sleepovers except when helping that my daughter would be excited, not sleep much and probably be up all night giddy and chatting.  I was ready!

The girls entertained themselves beautifully, but only got about 3 hours of sleep.  So, on Saturday when they both had Nutcracker practice for 4 hours I thought for sure they would be tired and sick of each other.  Not really.  Her friend came home with us to attend a movie and have dinner with our family.  The girls remained friends despite how long they were together. It made me realize the positive effects a good friend can be as I watched these two imaginative girls play, talk about school projects and share commonalities as dance.

Here are some tips for parents of tweens that speak to what we can do to help when there is trouble and how we can help fostering healthy friend-shipping skills.

Jennifer O’Donnell wrote the following tips on About.com Guide about troubleshooting with friendships and making the most of them as well:

“1. Help Your Tween Make and Keep Friends

If your child is having trouble making friends, you can help. While you can’t make your child’s friends for him, you can teach him how to approach other children, and put his best foot forward.

What are your thoughts?

Let me just start this off by saying I love love LOVE to sleep.  I always have, and since having my son about a year ago, I jealously guard my sleep now that I know when Isaac wakes up I need to wake up.  I’m not exaggerating; on nights that I get him down early around 7, I try to sneak off to bed and leave my husband to take care of the dishes, the dogs, and of course his daughter Marissa.

Maybe this is why I am not a big fan of sleepovers, even though I know how much Marissa enjoys them.  I know that the girls will be up very late and will most likely wake up the lightest two sleepers I know, myself and my son.  I am really cranky when woken up, and Isaac is even worse.  Arg!

Chowing on fruit kabobs

But how can I say no when every year for her birthday, Marissa wants a sleepover party?  I suggest bowling, mini golf, camping, beach parties, etc. but no, all my stepdaughter wants is a sleepover.

Sigh…

The good news is it is a cheap party.  I only have to spend money on some small decorations and pack of hot dogs and we are pretty much set (:  This year we also did fruit kabobs which were a big hit, and of course healthy to boot.

Also Marissa is turning 11, so she is at the age where she and her friends can entertain themselves, which is nice.  Last weekend we had the infamous 6-person sleepover party and we did indeed all survive, and the girls kept themselves busy with beading, reading, and playing silly games.

Of course the whole crew decided some time around one in the morning that it was way too hot in the upstairs room where they were supposed to be sleeping, so they all trooped downstairs to Marissa’s tiny room and squeezed themselves and all their stuff into that small space.

Let’s just say it was not the pitter-patter of tiny feet, rather the stomp-giggle-whisper-stomp brigade that woke me up.  On the bright side, Isaac snoozed through the night, hooray!

11 years old!

I definitely needed an entire pot of strong coffee to wake up the next day, but overall I’d say it was a success!

I guess I can sacrifice one night of sleep each year for the smile on Marissa’ face, but I am already scheming  for next time…maybe they can all sleep out back in a tent?

Last weekend, both of my boys have had their first official sleepover. When they were babies and toddlers it seemed so far away but now with two of them under their belts, they have started to ask every weekend if they can have one!

Since the boys are only 5 and 7 that means their friends are 5 and 7, too.  I know they are on the verge of being “tweens” now, but sleeping away from home is a BIG deal. A strange room, different night lights, no mom and dad…….we all know staying up 2 hours late and eating junk and soda cannot always make up for that.  Lucky for us, the two we had at our house went well, but I know it could have just as easily been a nightmare.

Jake (my oldest) had a friend over a few weeks ago. After a slight “upset stomach” at dinner, he settled right in and did not miss a beat. Throw in a couple of flashlights and books with the sleeping bags and it was “the best night ever” as I was told . 

I did not have the same confidence this weekend with a 5-year-old and her 2-year-old sister coming to stay but to my surprise…no real issues. Lots of popcorn, some crafts (really glittery cardboard guitars now adorn my boys’ bedroom doors) and a quick trip to the aquarium kept everyone happy. I also think it kept them distracted until they were too tired to worry about not being at home.

I know I was fortunate: no meltdowns or all-nighters consoling an upset child. I did not even have to make one call to a parent!

What have your experiences been?  Does it always go this smoothly or am I in for it next time?