Which way will we go??

From some previous posts (like this one) you may know that we are in limbo at the moment. My husband’s career could go a couple of different ways and this means we are not sure what our plans are for this summer. We could move to another state, stay put one more year or move overseas (new option I learned of this past week! ). With so much up in the air I sometimes wonder how much the boys really need to know at this point. Do they need to be in the loop or should we just fill them in when we have a firm decision?

It was so much easier when they were little. We moved and they could have cared less! By the time Jake was 4 he had already lived in three states and four houses. It made no difference to them where were were or how often we moved. As long as they had mom with them (and dad when he was stateside), things were OK and stable in their eyes. Now it is different. They are school age and no matter where we go, they will make a big transition to a new school next fall. I know how stressed out I am about all of this and I just feel like maybe keeping them in the dark another month or two won’t hurt.

The truth is, they don’t have a say in what happens so I suppose they might as well just be told the final course of action. I am not even sure they could wrap their heads around all of our options and choices at this point. My biggest concern is that I keep my cool and don’t become too stressed around them at this point. They know daddy has an interview this week and that is about it. I think I’ll keep it that way for now.

Did you ever keep things like this from your kids to lessen their stress?

Here we go again….limbo one more time. As you may know from previous posts, my husband’s career was up in the air for sometime last year. We thought we had things settled…two year orders to keep us here in Jacksonville. Our house went up for sale and we contracted to buy a larger place once this one sold. Our plan was to transition the boys from St Annes to public school next year and we are all content with our decisions. Well…….time to scratch all that and back to square one.

Part of my husband’s career search involved the FBI. He completed phase I and passed. We were told to sit tight so we did….for 8 months. We finally had to move on so we could have some stability and a certain paycheck. Of course, as soon as we had done this the FBI called late in January to ask him to come in for phase II. Luckily for him, he will be able to continue to work where hes is on orders, go interview and then keep working until he hears about the next step. Our issue is that this whole process from phase I to academy can take 2-3 years. We are right in the middle of it now with a house for sale and two school age kids. With no clear direction in site about where we will be next fall…that poses a real problem.

The boys will be making a big change next year from a small, private school (where mom works) to a public school. That will be enough stress…we really don’t need to throw in not knowing where that will be or whether or not we will face a move halfway through the school year. For now, we are just telling the boys things are a bit up in the air but they will be settled soon. I wish I had that confidence deep down. Sadly, for the FBI, I think soon will be months from now.

What would you do in this situation? Would you move the kids halfway through the school year if need be?

This past week, 74 4th & 5th grade students from throughout the county represented 11 schools in Onslow County Science Fair.  These children represented their schools and competed for a chance to go to regional and state.  For an hour and a half they were asked questions and interviewed to see what they learned.  My daughter and her friend were the fourth grade representatives.  What would normally cause me stress, seemed to roll right off my daughter. I suggested dressing up, she said no. I suggested practicing, she said no. I suggested I be quiet, and I said Yes. (because what do mothers really know)

As I watched and observed I saw a gamut of parents.  Some accessing the other projects and comparing.  (the competitive ones)  Some were obviously annoyed at their children for not being more vocal (ones that didn’t particularly think their child should be there). Some just happily watching their child from a distance as they excitedly shared what they learned (parents who have allowed the learning to happen naturally). I wondered where I fit in.  Sure I was excited that my daughter had been selected, but I also know her true feelings.  She was happy, but really did not want to go on to the next level.  So, I watched and chalked this all up for experience.

My daughter learned that first impressions do matter. Dress for success. She learned that the more participatory the project, the more interest people showed. She learned that public speaking isn’t as easy as looks when it comes to eye contact, not stammering and knowing your facts. She learned the more you learn the more you know and the easier it is to talk about something. I think she also learned about passion. There were some projects that other kids were passionate about. They truly had picked a subject they were interested in. So, my daughter did her best. She learned and actually sighed louder than I thought she would when the winners were announced and the relief came knowing that she was not going to regional.

What kind of parent are you?  How would you have acted in a competitive environment like this?

“The only thing constant is change” is my mantra. It is my life. It is the military. It is motherhood.  It is the ability to adapt to unforeseen circumstances with a good attitude.  It is the reality that life is constantly evolving & changing.  I think as humans we tend to be creatures of habit and we resist that urge to have change.  However, as a mother I’m learning that I have to adapt and teach my children through my example. We had planned family time around this weekend as we were supposed to have a 4 day weekend. With weather make-ups, we no longer have those days off. My husband had taken leave…and now has canceled it. Our children were excited for the unannounced adventure our family was to take. Alas, it may be a day trip to Raleigh.

We weren’t going anywhere spectacular on a limited budget, but we do recognize the need for family escapes and fun. When you stay home you often get bombarded with family projects, the stress that is here, etc.  Sometimes escaping for a few days can rejuvenate us all enough to realize what we have in our little family unit and with our home. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

I have noticed that  my tween, especially, does not deal with change very well.  It throws her off and I know I have mentioned this in other blogs, but se feels like we have lied to her if plans have changed. She feels like we don’t do what we say. These are heavy allegations that my husband and I don’t take lightly to. This is not what we want our children thinking or believing. However, the reasons are legitimate…school was canceled due to weather and they had those days off just in a similarly unplanned manner.

So, we continue to compromise, think before speaking and be cautious about letting any “plans” vocalized within ear shot of our children.

How do you handle changes in plans with your tweens, do they “meltdown” or do they understand?

I love my boys more than anything and I love the people they are. Sam likes to dance and play with his stuffed animals. Jake likes to play legos and war. Both boys are polite with good manners and they do well in school. For all of these wonderful qualities there is one quality I have trouble categorizing as good or bad……Jake’s unending need to TALK!

My chatty boy

Jake and I had 17 months to ourselves before Sam came along. In that time we spent our days together…..out to lunch, shopping or just hanging around the house. No matter where we were or what we were doing…I was talking to him. I ignored the stares as I chatted with my 4 month old at lunch or asked him what brand of coffee to buy at the store when he was less than a year old. It did not matter to me that he could not answer me back…I just loved talking to him. Well…..I think it paid off in a BIG way.

Jake talks non-stop…all day…every day. Most of the time I can appreciate it and love that he wants to share so much or is so curious about things. There are times, however, I just want some silence. After a stressful day at work or while trying to get some blogging done (for example), it can put me over the top when he interrupts for the 30th time. So you see my dilemma……it seems I need to take the good with the bad. A child with a great vocabulary who uses it who feels free to talk with me about anything (any time!) but one who can also drive me nuts from time to time…I suppose it could be worse.

Do you have a talkative Tween?