Cuddle Bugs writer Sarah Moore brought up a very good, and scary, question recently over at Momtalk.

Says Sarah:

I could use some advice on when and how to give my 10 and a half year old stepdaughter “the talk.”

Sarah isn’t alone. I could definitely use some advice on when and how to talk to Mini about birds, bees, etc.

I grew up with two brothers. My parents never really gave me “the talk.” So, to say that the whole idea of Mini getting closer to being a female teenager than a little girl tweenager scares me, is quite the understatement.

Mini has read a book called “It’s a Girl Thing” and my understanding (she wouldn’t really talk about it with me) is that it’s about the changes that a girl’s body goes through as she matures. Exactly how detailed the book is, I’m not sure.

What I am sure of is that I’m glad AM is here to help. I’m going to rely on AM to help me through explaining anything to Mini that she needs, especially regarding her body.

I think I can handle the emotional changes. Girls will like boys and vice versa. The important thing is that there’s no physical contact and if someone tries to touch her inappropriately, that Mini know what to do.

If only I could build a dungeon…

How did you parents handle “the talk”? How have you handled it? Leave your questions, suggestions and ideas in the comments. Please. I could use all the help I can get!

This past week, Mini’s class took part in a musical. It wasn’t the first time Mini has been in a school program that involved singing or dancing or what-have-you, but it was the first time she’s had real dialogue to remember and perform in front of a large audience. She did a great job, too, and I’m very proud of her. She remembered all her lines, spoke them strongly and with confidence and stayed focused on the play. Many of the children were distracted by waving parents and talking to their friends.

This is the same program that she tried out for the “stowaway” part several months ago. She didn’t get the part, but wasn’t deterred and kept trying for other positions and got a really cool part. Mini could have easily been upset that she didn’t get the part she wanted and then decided only to participate in the most minimal of ways. But she didn’t. She was determined to make the best of it. And she did.

I made a few observations during the show.

• Many of the kids on stage didn’t want to be. It was obvious by their stance and attitude during the program.
• Some of the parents didn’t want to be there. It was obvious by their stance and attitude during the program. They talked and were generally rude.
• The set design was horrible. The pirate ship was on the floor. If you sat in a chair, you couldn’t see it (or the children in it) at all.
• The sound was terrible. Music was provided by a small set of computer speakers. The microphones weren’t balanced well, some were really loud, others really faint.

It was a wonderful performance by nearly all the children. There was humor, music and dancing…and education! I never knew Mini had the authority to make someone a pirate!

What kind of musical programs have your tweens been involved in? How did the show go? Share you ideas, suggestions and questions in the comments.

Mini is 9 years old. That means that she’s hanging around other 9ish year olds. And other 9 year olds don’t necessarily have parents that take such an interest in what they watch on the television or hear on the radio as AM and I do, which means they may have more exposure to foul language and then expose Mini to it.

Mini has heard curse words before. She’s even heard them from me. But I try very hard to use more…humorous than offensive words (son of a biscuit, for example.)

When she was younger, maybe 3 or 4, a very funny thing happened. I was driving from Swansboro to Wilmington and had gotten about five miles from home when I realized I left my wallet at home. I uttered a word that I didn’t think Mini heard and coincidentally rhymed with the large truck that was passing by Mini’s window. I turned the car around, got my wallet and carried on with the trip without further incident. Months later, with Mini’s mother and my in-laws in the car with Mini and me, a large truck rolled by Mini’s window. So she thought she’d let everyone in the car know…”Look, that’s a big [insert word that rhymes with, but isn’t, truck]!” Not my best example of parenting, but we’re supposed to learn from each other, right?

The only saving grace from that event is that Mini had no idea what she was saying. She had heard me mumble the word as a large truck rumbled past and connected those dots. She repeated it, thinking it was another word for truck. Interestingly, she’s never made the connection since, even though there weren’t histrionics over it.

The point is this: Kids are going to be exposed to foul language, from their friends or their parents or the television. All we can do is educate them that those words, even if we sometimes use them, are often not the best to use. They can make us appear uneducated and unintelligent at best and rude at worst.

Have you had language problems with your tweens? How did you tackle them? Leave your ideas, questions and suggestions in the comments.

Mini was getting dressed for bed Friday evening. She came out from the bedroom and her shirt didn’t quite meet her pants…In fact, her shirt came nowhere near her pants. Her belly was too big. By a lot, really. It’s an issue that I’ve noticed and tried to make slight, not-so-feelings-hurting comments on, but I don’t think Mini really caught on…until this weekend.

We had decided to buy her some new clothes for when she’s over. Nothing crazy, just a few pairs of jeans, couple of shirts and some pajamas. AM helped and I can’t stress enough how lucky I am to have her in my life. Apparently in the dressing room, Mini got a little frustrated when clothes she thought would fit didn’t…And that’s when I think the light bulb came on her for her.

After she had made her choices and we were in line to check out, I asked if Mini wanted a soda. She said “No. I have root beer at home and I think two sodas is enough for a weekend. Don’t you?” She had fruit and chicken tenders instead of cheeseburger and fries at lunch, only ate half her ice cream at bedtime and only rarely snacked on half-cups of snack mix during the day Saturday and Sunday. She also drank lots of water and only one can of the root beer. She played Wii Fit and Wii Sports Resorts quite a bit and ran around the park a lot more than she had the last few times we went.

I hope that she’s made the connection between her diet (which is usually a lot of fast food) and her lack of activity. And I hope she’s willing to not ask for so much fast food when she’s with her mother. She’ll definitely eat less fast food when she’s here.

Do your tweens had diet and exercise issues? How do you help them to make better food and activity choices? Share you suggestions, ideas and questions in the comments.

Mini likes to talk. She likes to talk a lot. And she likes to talk, a lot, about the things she does with her mother and her mother’s apparent fiancé or the things her mother says or the things her mother’s fiancé says or…Well. I think you get the picture.

I like that Mini shares things with me. And I’m pretty sure AM likes that Mini shares things with her, too. But I think when Mini starts telling us things like “He’s a big lump in the bed” or “My mom got a big engagement ring” things can get a little awkward. And that’s not to say that I’m not interested in the things Mini does with her mother, because I totally am…But I don’t need or want to hear about every little thing or, and this cannot be stressed enough, about her mother’s fiancé.

We’ve told Mini, several times, that we don’t have to hear about every little detail of what goes on when she’s at her mother’s house. And we’ve told her that we don’t have to know about every little thing every one of them say. And we’ve reinforced that, verbally. We have told Mini that it’s for respect of privacy, not disinterest, that she shouldn’t tell us this stuff. I think she just wants to share and doesn’t know where the line should be drawn…But how do we show her?

So, here’s a call for information. How would you, or how have you, handled this situation? How do you get your tweens to respect the other parent’s privacy? Share you suggestions, ideas and questions in the comments.