I have truly enjoyed being a blogger here at TweenBeat!!  It has been so much fun to write posts specifically about my oldest child, Lincoln.  He will be eight years old in a little over a month.  I have watched him grow from my chubby faced baby into a darling snaggle-tooth tween.  I have had the opportunity to play sports with him, snuggle him, read to him, discipline him, play trains with him, cry with him, tease him, home school him, wrestle with him, photograph him, teach him and most importantly…LOVE him!!  My tween is a special boy to me and I am so grateful to be his Mom!!

I have also loved being a blogger for MomTalk, here at TweenBeat.  I think it is such a wonderful place to connect with other Moms.  I love reading their stories, their struggles, their opinions, their worries and heart-aches.  It is truly a place for Mother’s to connect and find strength in each other.

I have also made friends here at MomTalk that I have a deep respect for.  MomTalk is a great place to spend your time and a place I will continue to visit and learn from!!  Thank you MomTalk for being such a great part of my life!

Our family will soon be moving from Jacksonville to our new home.  Thank you Jacksonville and all the wonderful people who have helped to make it such a special place in my heart!!

Until me meet again – Heidi Russell

As some of you may know, I am a teacher. I have taught high school, middle school and currently…pre school. In that time I have worked with many kids at all age levels. No matter what age the child, something my father told me (and research backs up) sticks in my head. When it comes to your children…what you have at 5 years old is what you are going to have.

Now some might call this a negative and defeatist point of view….that a person cannot change after 5 years of age. From my experience, I can tell you that sadly, it is all too true without some great intervention. What saddens me is that so many parents do not seem to understand this point. I have seen three year olds who hit (and have quite the attitude when you tell them to apologize), 13 year olds who have no issue ignoring a teacher’s direction and five year olds who do not know the difference between a letter and a number. In each of these cases it is fairly certain that they have parents who either don’t care to do any better or don’t have the knowledge to do better. Either way, they are creating children who will have behavior issues and academic issues in school…never mind in their adults lives.

It is HARD work raising a child. There is no time to be lazy or tired…it is 24/7 if you do it right. All parents make mistakes but too many parents take the easy way out. They allow their toddlers and pre schoolers to dictate too much, they don’t take the time to read to their children because they are too busy or they expect school to do it all for them. I know that most parents think their child is perfect, but more need to take a step back and make sure they are doing all they need to so that same child can lead a productive life free of stress down the road.

What do you think? Do you feel most parents work as hard as they should at parenting?

I have been a Mother for almost eight years now.  Maybe a little bit longer if you count the time I was pregnant with my tween.  I remember how excited my husband and I were to be pregnant with our first child!  I have always been one of those girls who dreamed of being a Mother. Having our first son was also a dream come for me. Motherhood was a little harder then I thought it would be. It wasn’t me just goo-ing over my perfectly dressed child all day!  Since that first child, we have been blessed with two more children. Blessed being the key word, we have been so blessed!!

I continue to love being a Mother!  I love staying home with them, learning from them and growing with them.  I was also a young Mom, I had my tween when I was 22 years old.  My life has turned out exactly how I planned it out. I am currently finding myself at this place where I am feeling a little lost though. Maybe a mid-life crisis (I’m only 31….so it can’t be that) or something. My life really is a dream, yet I am struggling personally.

The time has come for me to focus more time and efforts on myself…remember that 22 year old Mom who has been raising kids for the past eight years. Remember my talents, my strengths and my work ethic.  In this quest, I will only be posting one more blog post before I step down as a Mom Talk blogger for Tween Beat.

I want to be the VERY BEST version of Heidi that I can be for myself, my sweet husband and my children!!  Until then….Heidi

**This photograph was taken by Kristen Hassell, a talented photographer here in Jacksonville.

My daughter was recently selected to be one of three representatives for her grade and school for the state Science Fair.  Although she was relieved and semi-excited, the first things she expressed was that she was sad that her friends didn’t all get selected too.  Then she recounted how some of the kids pouted, wouldn’t talk to her or kept making comments about not winning themselves.  My daughter felt badly.  I thought it was a good time to discuss attitude and sportsmanship. No one likes to “lose” or feel like their efforts go unnoticed.  So, how do we as parents teach our children to do their best and let everything else happen how it will?.

Here are some things I have learned either as a parent or a coach from observations of myself, other parents and children.

1.  Be a good role model…with your child and team, as well as opponents.  Find the positive and focus on that.  Teach your child to be complimentary and sensitive to how the other may feel.

2.  Be honest with yourself…sometimes we as parents have other agendas or intentions to involve our child in a sport or push in an activity. Our children’s involvement in an activity should not be driven by us as parents.

3.  Create the rules. We create the rules for our own children.  If you see your child not being a good sport and notice a coach not catching it, wait until after practice or the event and talk about it.  It is our responsibility to address misbehavior and sometimes we need to stand up and talk privately with coaches or parents who may not be following good sportsmanship rules.

4.  Watch and learn.  When watching a sport or event look for teachable moments and engage your child with open-ended questions about how they would handle that situation.  Do more listening than lecturing.

As families we are constantly surrounded by opportunities to teach our children and learn new things ourselves.  Our attitudes and how we focus or react to circumstances ultimately is what is teaching our tweens.   I’m grateful to have had the chance to talk to my daughter about how different kids reacted to the announcement of the Science Fair.  I think she has a clearer perspective that we can’t change others, but how we act is the only thing we can control.

What are your tips in teaching good sportsmanship?

Every mom’s dilemma…what to buy as birthday gifts for tweens.  We live in a world where are kids are blessed with not only homes, food, clothes, but also a plethora of “stuff.”  So, what do you get for all the birthday parties that our kids are invited to?  My daughter recently remarked that she was the only person to have brought a gift, everyone else brought cards and cash.  I asked if she felt badly that we hadn’t done the same, it would be easier, right?  She told me that she liked giving a present to open.

So, how much do you spend?  I searched high and low on blogs, mom boards, etc.  The most sage advice I read was $1 per year the child is turning in combination with how well you know the child.  I also saw that people suggested craft kits or something you can make since you can never have too many rainy day craft kits.  With the amount of parties we are invited to, another suggestion was teaming up with another mom and buying a gift together for your kids to give the birthday child.

Being a mother of 2 school aged children, we have had 5 parties already this month.  This is in addition to family birthdays.  With the economy, why not give a coupon for a play date.  Then use the money you would have spent when it is redeemed to take your kids and their friends to a movie, or on an outing.  Hit the clearance and stock up after Christmas, is a great time to get craft kits, toys, games, etc. at a very discounted rate and it will save you the mad rush to go get a present. (which usually makes us late for the party any way.:))

I also believe you shouldn’t feel like you have to go to every party your child is invited to.  We usually leave it up to our child if they would like to go.  Then it depends on where the party is and how well we know them if it is at someone’s house.  We have established a “safety” with sending our child with a cell phone to call if they become uncomfortable or want to leave early.  We have already established a no sleepover policy so that has eliminated some of those “parent” issues we may face.

How do you handle birthday parties and presents with your tweens?